To ask what very normal part of being a woman you were gaslit about?

[BlackCatDiscoClub]

Thankfully we are at a time when women's bodies and their experiences are much better understood and talked about, but it wasn't always like that! I'm only in my 40s but I have one I'd like to share:

Ovulation pain. Ever since my cycles began, I have had quite severe ovulation pain. Even today when I'm in peri, the pain can be so sharp that it takes my breath away, or I have to limp when I walk to take the pressure of it. But I remember when I was younger telling people about it, and how I could tell which ovary was ovulating because of the pain, and was outright told "no thats not possible, ovulation pain isn't a thing". It was only in my 30s that I discovered that in Germany they had always known about ovulation pain, and called it mittelschmerz, 'middle pain' because it happens in the middle of a cycle!

I wondered if any other women have experienced being gaslit about something that turned out to be a totally normal for a female body?

I know people often use the term 'gaslighting' inappropriately, but I don't think the OP is doing so really. To experience a real, physical thing and be told that your experience didn't happen and doesn't exist is surely gaslighting?

Breastfeeding! I was led to believe by numerous midwives, that breastfeeding wasn't painful, and no one else in my life who'd breastfed had mentioned it was painful (maybe it wasn't for them), but fucking hell, it was the worst pain I've ever experience in my life, it felt like having electric shock treatment through my nipples (or how I imagine that would feel). If I'd known, I would have psyched myself up for it, but jeez, the shock of it. They tried to put me on one of those pumping machines and I fainted from the pain. TBF the midwives were really good at that point, and convinced me to bottle feed instead, which was exactly the right advice in my circumstances. I'd been adamant I was going to try to breastfed until then.

No, that’s not a reason to effectively say to someone “I know you say you are in pain but you are wrong”

Yes but presumably you wouldn’t tell a woman who described it to you “no, you’re wrong. You’re not in pain”! Which is OP’s issue

Just jumping in here, OP, because I had the same experience: ovulation pain every month, sometimes so sharp and sudden it was horrendous, and I'd be bent over in pain. The pain always localised to one side or the other of my lower abdomen. To the point I thought if I ever got pregnant, I'd be able to horrify my child when they were older by telling them which ovary they came from. Spoke to a doctor about it in my 20s and they said it was impossible to be able to tell which ovary it was and the pain being specific to either one side or the other each month was likely random, and also normal, and to take paracetamol.

In my 30s I had some other symptoms and ended up getting an ultrasound which confirmed I have mild PCOS, which could explain the pain. A different GP didn't rule out that the pain was localised to one of my ovaries each month, so at least that was something.

It's a false premise, which is why it is being challenged.

"Women"? Surely you can only speak for yourself?

Whilst your belief in my ability to read the mind of every doctor you have seen and give my opinion as to their motives, I'm not going down that cul-de-sac. Frankly, I think you're exaggerating.

I’m with you OP some months I get quite prominent ovulation symptoms, some quite painful bloating a lot of people I’ve told (not that I shout about it!) are surprised.

The one for me was when the covid jab came out and said it didn’t impact women’s periods. I have never been late for over a week in my 20 years of menstruating except when I was pregnant, after getting the jab I was one week late and thousands of other women reported similar things. I think they were just scared it would impact uptake and dismissed it, even getting a high ‘ranking’ female dr to speak out about it. I found it so frustrating because women don’t need dismissing we just need the truth, if you’re TTC you’d especially want to be aware.

Ovulation pain, ovulation related migraines. Anything and everything to do with perimenopause... My mum told me HRT will give me cancer and kill me, and I must never use it 🤨

Not health related per se, (though definitely mentally) but how to keep boundaries and not tolerate abusive relationships. We were gaslit into accepting some crazy shit. It's taken my whole life to even recognise and begin to attempt to sort it.

Women's health is consistently under-researched and under-funded because in a patriarchal society, it's just not considered important.

There's a book by Caroline Criado-Perez which covers all sorts of gender biase historically, it's very interesting (and infuriating!)

https://carolinecriadoperez.com/book/invisible-women/

I thought menopause was just that you would have hot flushes and your periods would stop. Just like that. Didn’t have a clue about peri-menopause.

I’ve recently gone onto HRT because I’ve had the worst constant bleeding and my mental health went all over the place thanks to peri. I honestly thought I was going insane and I was a total monster to everyone close to me. The last few weeks of HRT have basically saved my marriage and friendships. I’ve also been put onto iron tablets because blood tests showed that was super low and I’m waiting on some scans to check for fibroids.

I’ve had irregular heavy periods all my life (I even bled during pregnancy and never got a break afterwards despite being told breastfeeding would stop my periods, any time I was on birth control that was meant to stop periods it never happened) and I was always just told it was one of those things that happens to some women.

Sadly, yes, women's health is often overlooked and underestimated. It's often dismissed as anxiety etc before anything is even investigated. Another one who had terrible, heavy periods then awful birth experiences and then took 8 yrs to get HRT when I thought I was losing my mind. We do at least know more about women's health now - but we have a long way to go!

Men saying that they ‘think’ they are women.. obviously they are gaslighting themselves, and then the world tried to gaslight us into believing that a person can appropriate another gender!

That to be a woman is to suffer endlessly. Encouraging women to walk around with a victim complex and feel put upon all the time. Not my experience of being a woman in the West at all. Nor any of my friends’ experiences. I have had more advantages and preferential treatment as a woman than my male counterparts, if I’m honest.

(Cue accusations of being an incel pretending to be a woman….)

I took it to mean gaslighting in a wider, societal sense. Collective ignorance adding up to a situation where women are generally expected to stop making a fuss and 'told' by society that there is nothing wrong with them.

That’s all fine and I appreciate it must be frustrating to hear about things that aren’t your experience, but hopefully you realise that that’s not plenty of other women’s experience and them saying it is isn’t to ‘gaslight’ you?

FYI it’s “cool girl” comments you’re more likely to get, not incel.

“HelenaWaiting · Today 10:52
It is also called mittelschmerz in the UK, and has been known about for decades. Also, you are using "gaslit" inappropriately.”

@HelenaWaiting - I have never heard that term used but German does have the best words. Many moons ago, our German au pair asked the English word for taking pleasure in someone else’s pain. I explained that we call it Schafenfreude. She was very amused!

That women always produce enough milk for their baby. I was told this by a midwife when I was convinced my baby wasn't get any milk from breastfeeding. I never had any swelling or leaking so I'm pretty confident I didn't have any milk come in. A couple of years later a read an article about a baby who died from dehydration because his mums milk hadn't come in. I'm so glad I trusted my self instead of the midwife.

Ok!

Wow its just so strange isn't it! I can literally have a stabbing pain on my left one month, a stabbing point on my right the next month, and that can go one for years, but "its impossible to feel which ovary has ovulated". So, I'm imagining it then!

Wondered how long it would take for people to use the "hysterical woman" angle. First page as usual.

That street harassment means you're attractive so you should be pleased by it. That a jealous possessive man is one who really loves you. That if men approve of you, you're getting it right.

About the ovulation pain (and a slight bleed) every ten days after a period like a clockwork

• I could have written your post. I don't believe you were gaslit, it simply wasn't mentioned. My "parents" and other adults were mostly absent, so I was left to observe. Based on that observation, I never had children and married a good man, with an age difference of thirty years. (Obviously financial situation mattered here, too). Been married for twenty, I have the peaceful life desired. So if it's about "gaslighting", the adults did it most of the time, just to be shot of me. Upbringing of my generation, another country. Pleased to say they all got what they deserved, not more or less. 😊

Period adverts where everyone is rollerskating and their periods are 1 to 2 teaspoons 😂 not sure what second of my period they are talking about.

Take this as you find it.

1970's - I suffered from really bad period pain from day 1

One year (when I was in 6th form) my dad (parents divorced) got me a holiday job for 2 weeks at Easter working in the factory he worked at, packing yogurts, custard, etc.

Mid way through the 2 weeks my period started. By 11am, tea break (8am start) I was not feeling great. On the way back from the canteen I threw up, fellow workers (mostly women I must admit) took me to the nurse, who looked after me and got hold of my dad to take me home.

Dad threw a complete fit at mum for a) not telling him that there was something wrong with me and b) not taking me to the doctor, both of which she had done.

He'd known for 3 years or so, but has refused to believe it until he it was shoved in his face. Im of the opinion most men believe similar