To ask what very normal part of being a woman you were gaslit about?

[BlackCatDiscoClub]

Thankfully we are at a time when women's bodies and their experiences are much better understood and talked about, but it wasn't always like that! I'm only in my 40s but I have one I'd like to share:

Ovulation pain. Ever since my cycles began, I have had quite severe ovulation pain. Even today when I'm in peri, the pain can be so sharp that it takes my breath away, or I have to limp when I walk to take the pressure of it. But I remember when I was younger telling people about it, and how I could tell which ovary was ovulating because of the pain, and was outright told "no thats not possible, ovulation pain isn't a thing". It was only in my 30s that I discovered that in Germany they had always known about ovulation pain, and called it mittelschmerz, 'middle pain' because it happens in the middle of a cycle!

I wondered if any other women have experienced being gaslit about something that turned out to be a totally normal for a female body?

All the focus on usage of the word gaslighting but what about the real issue. I am sure everyone knows what the OP means

That doesn't make it gaslighting.

What would make it gaslighting is if they know it isn't normal but are abusing you by pretending it is.

I think gaslighting is the right term.

There's a lot of it about childbirth, breastfeeding, pain rated to periods and ovulation, menopause, female puberty, sexual satisfaction, on and on. Women being told what they experience is all in their heads, or their own fault for having a low pain threshold, or normal so they should suck it up. That's gaslighting.

Regarding periods and related matters it isn’t just women who doubt and deny your reality although men are definitely the worst.
Women who don’t have terrible pain, or flooding, or awful menopause or whatever frequently assume their positive personal experience to be universal.

@OneWorthyTiger , I agree. Another way would be if they listened to you but then later denied that you'd ever said it.

Honestly regardless of what I’ve ever been the doctors for ( sciatica, sinus pain, broken leg) the first question is always “when was your last period” it pisses me off

Medical gaslighting is exactly this www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/what-to-do-about-medical-gaslighting#:~:text=The%20term%20%22gaslighting%22%20is%20usually,Marron%20says.

My pre menstrual mood cycles. For as long as I can remember I’ve got a bit tense and paranoid and anxious the week before my period. It’s definitely a hormonal shift and as soon as I realise I’m due on, I’m pretty good at recognising it and adjusting but my ex used to tell me this wasn’t possible, that I was using my period as an excuse, that I was crazy etc. I track using an app on my phone now and when those thoughts start to creep in, I know I’m in my luteal phase and I’m immediately checking the date and logging etc.

With childbirth it was like there was a collective consensus not to tell women about the realities, because it might scare them off! It was only when I made friends with a midwife in my 20s that I truly learned about it. Including that it can make you poop! I suppose I expected this more for my mum and Nan's generations, and maybe I was being naive to think that growing up in the 2000s would mean I would have had doctors who were more informed about women's health.

I was told to 'take it as a compliment' when men sexually harassed me when I was younger.

Wtf You're literally gaslighting the op!🙄

After reading this thread, I searched gaslighting and it can apply to medical settings. I've attached a screenshot and link to an article on Harvard Health Publishing.

Harvard Health

Medical gaslighting explained

Screenshot

That you lose your clitoris after menopause. No fucker told me that.

Headaches! You know the old line? “Oh we can’t have sex tonight because wife has a headache,” the implication being that women invent headaches when they don’t want sex, the headaches don’t really exist!!

Well, guess what? Sharp oestrogen and progesterone drops in the luteal phase DO CAUSE headaches, also called menstrual migraines, which no shit, accounts for not wanting sex but also is 100% not made up. That they coincide with a drop in libido before menstruation is entirely predictable.

Fucks me off so much that it’s thing that doesn’t happen to men therefore it must be made up to manipulate them. FFS.

Well I’ve never heard of or experienced ovulation pain, nor have I ever had period pains - we are all different and if you dont know something exists you can’t understand

Eh?!

I’m just going into it - don’t tell me I’ve got that to look forward to too!!???

This is the thing. If just one doctor had said to me "ah, thats ovulation pain, not everyone gets it but it can be really uncomfortable for those that do. Treat it like a period and take painkillers and use a hot water bottle" then that would have prevented me from thinking I was a weirdo who was imagining they could feel their ovaries once a month!

I was gaslit by the media and women in general about “having it all.” You can have a successful career, kids, a satisfying marriage, a thriving social life whilst maintaining your heath and fitness and looks and also caring for aging and ailing relatvies.

But this fits with what OP said.

She would say she has ovulation pain only to be told it didn’t exist repeatedly. Presumably leading her to question her version of reality.

Say, what now?

I am 54 and when i did ovulate the gp knew about ovulation pain, it just sounds like you had rubbish Dr's tbf does happen.

You don't lose it, it just gets a lot smaller. It still functions exactly as it should. Labia minora shrink as well, which is good news if you had the kind that flap an inch below everything else.

Trying to get pregnant and doctors saying it will happen jut relax and don’t stress and lose weight cos they don’t want another slightly overweight (half a stone from recommended weight) woman on the gynae waiting list or to assisted conception unit. 6 years it took me to get the courage to go back . Then got lectured about my age. (34). Now work in the same area I had to go to and know the doc I saw was an absolute horror. Never ever fell pregnant, doctor now retired and was a prejudiced cow.

Oh gosh yeah. Having 'energy' for everyone else and then crawling into bed at night and realising you haven't eaten properly, drunk enough and youve forgotten to take your medication because you had to get everyone else sorted. But thats our fault too, because we are reminded we were supposed to put on our own oxygen supply before we fixed others!