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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Presents for DSD when she already got a new phone 2 months ago?

46 replies

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:22

DSD (16) had broken her phone a couple of months ago, it had been agreed she was getting a new one for Xmas but that was brought forward due to the old one being completely broken.
DH sorted it all out as he arranged the phone and contract and said to her ‘as long as you know you’ve had your Xmas present now’

Its ALWAYS been the case that the dc (DSD and our DC) get a ‘main’ present and then a few little bits and chocolate etc.

I was doing the wrapping last night when dc in bed as this year DSD is here from 23rd and was showing dh the little extra bits I’d got for DSD and he said ‘no - she has had her present early and it was expensive’. What I’ve got her is about 10 items they literally only fill an a4 size gift bag ??
-lipgloss set
-eyeshadow and mascara set (this was quite a lot but she loves make up and I kept seeing it everywhere as it’s popular)
-shower gel/body scrub/body lotion set
-nice notebook and pen
-hot chocolate set
-Xmas chocolate tubes (aero/buttons/smarties)

Our dc have what looks like a lot more , they are younger and haven’t obviously had main gift yet. Every year DSD buys us all a little gift from her own money. She’s absolutely delightful, she was grateful for the phone being early and I know that if I did what dh wanted and she had nothing on xmas morning she would be fine but why should she ! AIBU to have told him that in that case if he’s going to be like that I’ll just put my name on the tag and the phone was from him and these bits from me? I’ve tried to explain what a difficult time the teen years can be for girls and the last thing he wants to do is alienate her. He just sees a very black and white situation that he’s already spent a lot. We aren’t anywhere near the stage where our dc will be adding things up to make sure it’s all equal ?

OP posts:
RabbitsEatPancakes · 21/12/2025 08:25

So if he got her the phone for xmas day, he'd not do her a stocking or any bits and bobs at all? That's mean

Uoshsi · 21/12/2025 08:26

Yanbu put your name on it. Dh is being a bit of a knob, she’s a lovely, thoughtful with present buying herself and thankful about the phone and he’s begrudging her some make up and sweets?!

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:28

You say you(as a family) always do a main and bits. Well, she had the main and you’re now doing the bits. What’s so hard for him to understand?

Original poster
stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:28

RabbitsEatPancakes · 21/12/2025 08:25

So if he got her the phone for xmas day, he'd not do her a stocking or any bits and bobs at all? That's mean

This is exactly why I just automatically got her some bits as it’s always a main gift plus extra little things /stocking filler type things. He’s saying the phone was more than he anticipated spending (but that was down to him ?).
He’s saying it’s not equal but our dc won’t even register that they are little and will just see their presents and think it’s fine as stuff for younger children is always bigger !

OP posts:
SpinandSing · 21/12/2025 08:28

Ah, she sounds lovely and v deserving of thoughtful presents. Put your name on it. Is your DH always so lacking in emotional intelligence?

LionMummyRoar · 21/12/2025 08:29

As a grown up version of your younger dc in this scenario- I can say that you can't always see the hurt coming and it isn't always logical but it can be relationship changing.
Rightly or wrongly, in this day and age, a phone is a necessity for a teenager. That's why your DH has had to buy it earlier.
It's not worth the meanness to prove a flawed point! Something little to unwrap sounds thoughtful and kind.

Strider55 · 21/12/2025 08:32

He's definitely being a bit mean, I get the phone was expensive but to not get some little stocking filler things so she has something to open on Christmas day?!

My DDs are getting money this year for Christmas (going to London in the New Year so the money is for then) so they are well aware there won't be a lot under the tree for them. But I've still got a few little bits and pieces for them to open on Christmas morning.

JulietSierra · 21/12/2025 08:32

I can’t believe that any father would allow his child to wake up to no presents on Christmas morning. Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. You sound like a lovely stepmum and she’s lucky to have you.

Original poster
stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:32

He just sees things as so black and white sometimes it’s hard to get through to him. I’m hoping he will come round I haven’t written the tag on the bag out yet in case he does but if not it’ll just be from me and he can say the phone was from him

OP posts:
TheGrimSmile · 21/12/2025 08:33

What a mean-spirited man! It would put me right off him. As you said, just say they are from you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/12/2025 08:34

It would be mean not to give her something little to open. He’s wrong.

Celtic1hair · 21/12/2025 08:35

You sound very kind, and are definately not being unreasonable! Something about the Christmas season seems to make the majority of men lose all common sense! Or maybe just the ones in my life 😂😂 have a lovely Xmas, DSD will be very greatful x

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/12/2025 08:35

Did she not have insurance on the old.phone?
That aside I can't imagine not having a few bits and bobs for her to open.

Walkerzoo · 21/12/2025 08:37

I thought you were going to lust a lot of things. If course to do the extra bits. And she sounds ljke a lovely kid.
If it was annoying so much I would probably add more to it like a voucher....

Original poster
stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:38

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/12/2025 08:35

Did she not have insurance on the old.phone?
That aside I can't imagine not having a few bits and bobs for her to open.

Im not sure as her mum had got the last one and it was already agreed earlier in the year that we would get a new one for Xmas but it got totally broken so dh just said ‘we will get it early’

OP posts:
Whatsthatsheila · 21/12/2025 08:38

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:22

DSD (16) had broken her phone a couple of months ago, it had been agreed she was getting a new one for Xmas but that was brought forward due to the old one being completely broken.
DH sorted it all out as he arranged the phone and contract and said to her ‘as long as you know you’ve had your Xmas present now’

Its ALWAYS been the case that the dc (DSD and our DC) get a ‘main’ present and then a few little bits and chocolate etc.

I was doing the wrapping last night when dc in bed as this year DSD is here from 23rd and was showing dh the little extra bits I’d got for DSD and he said ‘no - she has had her present early and it was expensive’. What I’ve got her is about 10 items they literally only fill an a4 size gift bag ??
-lipgloss set
-eyeshadow and mascara set (this was quite a lot but she loves make up and I kept seeing it everywhere as it’s popular)
-shower gel/body scrub/body lotion set
-nice notebook and pen
-hot chocolate set
-Xmas chocolate tubes (aero/buttons/smarties)

Our dc have what looks like a lot more , they are younger and haven’t obviously had main gift yet. Every year DSD buys us all a little gift from her own money. She’s absolutely delightful, she was grateful for the phone being early and I know that if I did what dh wanted and she had nothing on xmas morning she would be fine but why should she ! AIBU to have told him that in that case if he’s going to be like that I’ll just put my name on the tag and the phone was from him and these bits from me? I’ve tried to explain what a difficult time the teen years can be for girls and the last thing he wants to do is alienate her. He just sees a very black and white situation that he’s already spent a lot. We aren’t anywhere near the stage where our dc will be adding things up to make sure it’s all equal ?

@stepfamilyissues whys dh being a grinch?? I think it’s really lovely and thoughtful that your treat all your children equally and have still got her the “stocking fillers” so to speak.

and she sounds like a lovely well adjusted girl despite having a grinch dad.

sounds like you are doing a great co-parenting job

BCBird · 21/12/2025 08:38

If she had broken.it deliberately I could understand his reluctance. He sounds a plonker, she sounds lovely

Original poster
stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:41

Whatsthatsheila · 21/12/2025 08:38

@stepfamilyissues whys dh being a grinch?? I think it’s really lovely and thoughtful that your treat all your children equally and have still got her the “stocking fillers” so to speak.

and she sounds like a lovely well adjusted girl despite having a grinch dad.

sounds like you are doing a great co-parenting job

Show quote history

What made me want to laugh is that usually he has zero interest in any of the Xmas present buying and it’s usually pretty equal but suddenly this year he’s acting like he was the hunter gatherer getting this very expensive item so he’s now dictating about little extra gifts . The fact that he was watching tv while I was wrapping and trying to show him little bits for each of them and he wasn’t really paying much attention as usual to it except when I said these are DSD bits and was showing him the eyeshadow set!

OP posts:
EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:43

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:28

This is exactly why I just automatically got her some bits as it’s always a main gift plus extra little things /stocking filler type things. He’s saying the phone was more than he anticipated spending (but that was down to him ?).
He’s saying it’s not equal but our dc won’t even register that they are little and will just see their presents and think it’s fine as stuff for younger children is always bigger !

Show quote history

Did she ask/insist on a more expensive phone or was his budget unrealistic?

OffToSeaInABlizzard · 21/12/2025 08:44

Honestly? A phone is a necessity nowadays, not an exciting Christmas gift. Maybe the first one for an 11/12 year old but you can’t really expect a 16 year old to do without one. So until she starts earning money, replacing a phone is no justification for withholding Christmas presents. (Obviously perfectly fine to say I can’t afford to give you much this year because the phone cost a lot.)

Mulledjuice · 21/12/2025 08:44

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:32

He just sees things as so black and white sometimes it’s hard to get through to him. I’m hoping he will come round I haven’t written the tag on the bag out yet in case he does but if not it’ll just be from me and he can say the phone was from him

I think it might be more constructive if you acknowledge "i understand what you are trying to teach her and I agree" when you point out these are the bits!
And i agree it isnt necessarily about spending the exact amount of £ on eaxh child every year, it evens out.

Whatsthatsheila · 21/12/2025 08:46

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:41

What made me want to laugh is that usually he has zero interest in any of the Xmas present buying and it’s usually pretty equal but suddenly this year he’s acting like he was the hunter gatherer getting this very expensive item so he’s now dictating about little extra gifts . The fact that he was watching tv while I was wrapping and trying to show him little bits for each of them and he wasn’t really paying much attention as usual to it except when I said these are DSD bits and was showing him the eyeshadow set!

Show quote history

Put some grinch socks in his stocking and make him watch a Christmas carol

subliminal messages 🤣

Original poster
stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:47

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:43

Did she ask/insist on a more expensive phone or was his budget unrealistic?

Show quote history

No he chose he just asked her what colour !

OP posts:
EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:50

stepfamilyissues · 21/12/2025 08:47

No he chose he just asked her what colour !

Show quote history

He’s being a twat then.Just remind him all children get a main and bits. He got the main(this time), you got the bits as you always do at Christmas.

Egglio · 21/12/2025 08:50

You're being 100% reasonable here. She sounds lovely and like she will appreciate it. 16 is such a tricky age in terms of being old enough and usually sensible enough not to strop etc. but young enough to be quite scared of being an adult deep inside and I think nothing on Christmas morning will sting quite a lot in the 'oh I'm a grown up now, I shouldn't be hurt, but I am hurt' confusing sense.

She will be up and gone soon enough. Your DH is forgetting that!