Presents for DSD when she already got a new phone 2 months ago?

[stepfamilyissues]

DSD (16) had broken her phone a couple of months ago, it had been agreed she was getting a new one for Xmas but that was brought forward due to the old one being completely broken.
DH sorted it all out as he arranged the phone and contract and said to her ‘as long as you know you’ve had your Xmas present now’

Its ALWAYS been the case that the dc (DSD and our DC) get a ‘main’ present and then a few little bits and chocolate etc.

I was doing the wrapping last night when dc in bed as this year DSD is here from 23rd and was showing dh the little extra bits I’d got for DSD and he said ‘no - she has had her present early and it was expensive’. What I’ve got her is about 10 items they literally only fill an a4 size gift bag ??
-lipgloss set
-eyeshadow and mascara set (this was quite a lot but she loves make up and I kept seeing it everywhere as it’s popular)
-shower gel/body scrub/body lotion set
-nice notebook and pen
-hot chocolate set
-Xmas chocolate tubes (aero/buttons/smarties)

Our dc have what looks like a lot more , they are younger and haven’t obviously had main gift yet. Every year DSD buys us all a little gift from her own money. She’s absolutely delightful, she was grateful for the phone being early and I know that if I did what dh wanted and she had nothing on xmas morning she would be fine but why should she ! AIBU to have told him that in that case if he’s going to be like that I’ll just put my name on the tag and the phone was from him and these bits from me? I’ve tried to explain what a difficult time the teen years can be for girls and the last thing he wants to do is alienate her. He just sees a very black and white situation that he’s already spent a lot. We aren’t anywhere near the stage where our dc will be adding things up to make sure it’s all equal ?

They all get stocking fillers regardless.

What a lovely step mum you are! Like you said she would of got these extra bits even if she had of been getting the phone on Xmas day! And if you dc are little her not opening anything would be noticed way more than how much is spent! Well done you for including her and making sure everyone feels loved x

You sound lovely and her dad sounds like a complete grinch (not what I was expecting, I clicked thinking this was going to be a mean stepmum begrudging her step daughter getting stocking fillers... that'll teach me for making assumptions!).

Give her the gifts from you, you've put all the effort into choosing and wrapping them anyway. Have a lovely Christmas 🎄

If she’s going to be there on Christmas Day then she should have something to open with everyone else so your gift sounds ideal. If she was spending Christmas with her DM then I would be with your DH. She can’t sit and watch everyone else open gifts and not have anything.

Sounds like it’s the first time he’s had to put his hand in his pocket for a Christmas gift and realised what it costs!

thank goodness you have bought her a few bits to open.

Yes I think it’s absolutely this. Usually it’s me sorting out all the presents and wrapping them etc for dc and other family members and he sorts out the turkey and cooks the xmas dinner.

Why are you even with him? He’s not interested in his own children. Thats a red flag. How do you not hate him?

Yes, this. A smart phone is really a necessity. It’s not something I would get an older teen as a Christmas present but I can understand ahyy someone would. However, if it is being given as a present then it really should not be the only present - it wound be really miserable and sad otherwise.

Just make them from you, OP.
He may have bought her the phone, but otherwise he sounds like an arse 😀

Yes I think it’s absolutely this. Usually it’s me sorting out all the presents and wrapping them etc for dc and other family members and he sorts out the turkey and cooks the xmas dinner.

Even if you split it like this, he should still be interested in what you have bought them and be excited for them. You were showing him and he had no interest, except to say his daughter shouldn’t get any little bits. You said ir was usual for him to show no interest. What a horrible man and I question why you stay with him. A man who doesn’t pull his weight is bad enough, but one with no interest in things for his children is a real nasty bastard.

“He’s saying it’s not equal”

There are several answers to this. If your DSD is older, it’s not unreasonable for her to have a bit more in money terms, as teenage gifts tend to be more expensive than younger DC’s presents. I’ve bought my (adult) DD some make up items - they’re unbelievably expensive and look like nothing! I buy my DC roughly the same, but only roughly - I’m not going to buy things for the sake of it, but nor am I going to worry if one has a bit more than another - it’s much more a matter of getting people what they want. Your DSD wanted and needed a phone - Is her own father now suggesting she should have nothing for Christmas? If so, that’s nothing short of unkind grinch behaviour, and any teenage girl would be forgiven for hating a parent who is so mean.

Happened to me once, when I was much younger. Not a nice feeling, please do give her the stocking.

Ate mums get a hard time but this young lady is lucky to have a step mum like you in her life who realises waking up Xmas morning with nothing whilst your half siblings ope presents just never going to feel right.

yes - she’s had a big gift the last few months but I’d also say a phone is important nowadays too so I think an expensive phone and a few small gifts is perfect.

Well I think that can depend on what phone they want. I always buy myself the cheapest Samsung going that is only a few hundred quid. A new iPhone if over a grand, so a phone might be a necessity but if a child wants top of the range then it can be part of a present.

OP, you sound lovely. I opened this fully expecting an unreasonable step parent post but was proven wrong.

Another fucking useless man.

I suspect this is a ‘bloke’ thing. Christmas would mostly be a bit shit all round if it was left up to many of them.

She sounds like a lovely teenager and you sound a wonderful stepmum. I could never leave a child out at Xmas, what is he thinking? Please ignore him and give her the gifts.

Give them to her from you! He’s being an arse. And joyless. Nobody should have nothing to open on Christmas morning.

Husband sounds grinchy. You sound like a wonderful stepmum and it’s so lovely to hear someone call a teenage girl delightful for a change. You’ve done the right thing and the little gifts will go down a treat.

Sorry your dh sounds awful. What a mean spirited man. You are right to give her the gifts.

I don't understand the logic of always making sure things are equal. DR'S are 17, 16 and 9 and we get them what they want / need. The older 2 are aware (youngest isn't as he is younger and tends to have physically bigger presents) that some years they get more than the others and some years they get less.

Life ebbs and flows and generally balances out over time.