Page 3 | I’ve ‘never given DH a decent gift’

15541username · 2025-12-20T23:52:59+00:00

I asked my DH what he’d like for Christmas as he’s hard to buy for and he told me if I really knew him, I’d know, AND that I have never in our 20 years of marriage given him a gift he’s liked. AIBU to think this is an outrageous thing to say, even if you think it?!!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/12/2025 23:42

Does he buy you good presents?

Conkersinautumn · 22/12/2025 05:25

His communication skills are on a par with a grumpy teen. Maybe a book on social skills?

BuildbyNumbere · 22/12/2025 06:53

👀 OP?!? 🤣🤣

firstofallimadelight · 22/12/2025 07:06

Yes he is rude if he wants anything specific he should say and he should not expect you to read his mind

Lostsoul35 · 22/12/2025 08:19

Buy him a dildo and if he doesn't like it he can go f*ck himself

DancingNotDrowning · 22/12/2025 08:52

zipadeedodah · 21/12/2025 17:24

The OP won't be back - the thread didn't go the way she wanted.

And the fact that she's refusing to tell us what she buys him speaks volumes.

Indeed

I suspect she knows she’s made a poor effort and instead of being validated she is having to confront that and what it means

Usernamenotav · 22/12/2025 11:37

I dunno, he's held it in for 20 years. Probably sick of feeling like an after thought or that you've made no effort.

If there was a woman on here posting that her husband hasn't given a decent gift in 20 years, everyone would be telling her to leave him!

Koalatea13 · 22/12/2025 14:09

CamillaMcCauley · 21/12/2025 00:46

Sort of depends what the reason is that he’s hard to buy for. My ex was hard to buy for because he had incredibly expensive tastes and expected me to buy gifts that were a massive financial stretch for me. He was also the type to buy anything he wanted the second the thought came into his mind, so he lacked for very little!

However if cost isn’t an issue, I have to say that I think 20 years of living with someone is long enough to have a good idea of what they’d like. Can you really not think of anything you are confident your own husband would like?!

My husband is like this! Expensive and particular tastes, plus he just buys himself as he wants things and doesn't give you a chance to buy something he might like. So he's got pants, socks (much longed for, don't worry haha) and tickets to see a comedian he likes.

Koalatea13 · 22/12/2025 14:15

Hmm in my opinion even if you do give rubbish gifts, it's an arse move to ignore it for 20 years and then make a snarkey comment when you ask what he would like (and therefore you ARE trying to get something he would like). If he really thought that he should have said something, or tried to steer you MANY years ago and in a much nicer way

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 22/12/2025 14:22

My MIL is very strict about what she thinks is a present. Hair, beauty, clothes, jewellery, perfumes, the shop she thinks you should like in etc in. Practical items, anything exercise related, anything not 'pretty' etc out.

She grumbles all the time about buying FIL gifts because he likes gardening and car equipment. I like book vouchers and gym stuff.

However, I don't think there's anything fundamentally broken about their relationship. OP's partner might just have snapped after forbearing for twenty years.

NoSoupForU · 22/12/2025 14:31

I think it was quite harsh.

But I agree with the sentiment. I don't want anyone asking what they should give me because in my eyes gifts are supposed to be thoughtful rather than transactional. But that also means that if I can appreciate the thought behind a gift I'm happy with it.

Original poster

15541username · 22/12/2025 15:01

OP is back. Funny, I was busy stressing about gifts. I shop lastminute because I do. I got him a Patagonia bag last year. He works in fashion. So I can never, ever buy clothes. Plus he likes to buy secondhand and support circular economy. Somebody suggested tools! Like socks and pants, I would say that’s not particularly thoughtful.

Not a reader. No real hobbies of note - football mainly. Not a drinker. No bit on the side. Just two busy people making ends meet. However, I did consider some replies that told me to really look at myself and think about whether I know my partner. He’s just a fussy git and always has been. And also, I made him apologise for the remark. I still think he thinks it so I am going to get him a suggestion my son made and a few other bits I already had.

OP posts:

Original poster

15541username · 22/12/2025 15:02

DahlsChickenz · 20/12/2025 23:55

There is nothing more annoying than people who won't give you ideas for what they like but who are then snotty when your gift isn't what they like. You can EITHER give no suggestions but be gracious and happy with anything you receive OR you can be particular but give clear suggestions, but you can't be both particular and refuse to provide suggestions.

Great reply, thank you so much!

OP posts:

Gymnopedie · 22/12/2025 15:51

How is he at buying gifts for you?

RessicaJabbit · 22/12/2025 15:52

15541username · 22/12/2025 15:01

OP is back. Funny, I was busy stressing about gifts. I shop lastminute because I do. I got him a Patagonia bag last year. He works in fashion. So I can never, ever buy clothes. Plus he likes to buy secondhand and support circular economy. Somebody suggested tools! Like socks and pants, I would say that’s not particularly thoughtful.

Not a reader. No real hobbies of note - football mainly. Not a drinker. No bit on the side. Just two busy people making ends meet. However, I did consider some replies that told me to really look at myself and think about whether I know my partner. He’s just a fussy git and always has been. And also, I made him apologise for the remark. I still think he thinks it so I am going to get him a suggestion my son made and a few other bits I already had.

If he likes football, get him a ticket to a game.

Then he can fuck off and leave you alone in peace for a day 😁

Sartre · 22/12/2025 15:54

Sounds like he’d be miserable regardless of what you purchased so I just wouldn’t bother. Wrap up a lump of coal.

ClovisWrites · 22/12/2025 22:25

It’s a very unkind and ungrateful thing for him to say, and he shouldn’t have said it.

However, no one’s hard to buy for if you know them and you’re willing to put some time and effort in.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 23/12/2025 09:17

We're 40 years into our relationship and long ago gave up buying each other presents.

If we happen to see something we get it... which is in itself a surprise. We know each other really well but have no reason to buy crap that won't be treasured

arethereanyleftatall · 23/12/2025 09:24

Given your update that he’s fussy to buy for, what he said wasn’t just ‘outrageuous’, it was nasty, cruel and a deliberate attempt to make you feel bad.