Christmas burnout

[tiredofchristmas]

I’m sorry but I really hate this time of year. It doesn’t help that I have 2 young kids who are up all night (4-5 times usually) and work full time in a stressful job, but my goodness I hate this time of year. The constant battle to think of meaningful Christmas presents for relatives you don’t particularly know well but have expectations of the perfect present. The endless shopping, the money dripping away, the social expectations (off no sleep and long hours at work), the to do list 10 x longer than normal, the relatives emotionally blackmailing you into contorting yourself into doing things (visiting people mainly) when you have no time and no energy, feeling pressured into eating and drinking unhealthily and your kids being fed non-stop junk, trying to stop your kids pulling the tree down on themselves. I’m so tired I can’t talk. I’m getting more and more depressed by the day.

Christmas is supposed to be a Christian festival to celebrate the coming of God’s son. Can we go back to that please? I can do a carol concert and maybe cook a roast, eat some mince pies and spend more time with my husband and kids. The rest is beyond me.

I find these kind of posts so odd. Just do what you want. We’ve got 3 kids and busy jobs / lives and our Christmases have adapted massively. I had my middle one couple of days before Christmas and that year was ridiculously chilled. My husband and dad made a roast dinner and I watched Christmas films all day and fed baby and the 2 year old played with his new toys. Then we’ve also hosted 20 people and it’s been manic but fun. I’ve only ever done what I feel up for. Pre kids we used to travel to see family but we don’t now as it’s too much hassle so people very welcome to come to us if they want. Present wise I only buy gifts for immediate family and I find zero stress in that. It’s what you make it - you need to actually decide what you want your Christmas to look like and just do that.

Its absolutely possible, and really rather easy.

Crikey, oh Wise One, do you think you've just discovered something new?
Everyone, unfortunately, won't die simultaneously, neatly folded away like unused wrapping paper. They will leave us undead staggering around, trying to shove a bit of care and comfort into the gaps they've left. Which is partly why it's so hard to say 'no' at Christmas.

I’m with you OP. I work full time, have 3 kids, hosting people from Xmas eve right through to the 27th. The house needs to be completely cleaned, 68 meals planned for (it feel like). Presents to be wrapped…. Zero time to do anything festive like I used to! And the kids are now off school so will want entertaining and feeding the whole time. I feel like Julia from motherland quite frankly.

What has helped me has been working out what the things are i actually want/like to do even if they are stressful (as otherwise my husband says “just dont do it” but that doesnt help as I do want to, its just still a task in limited time) and making peace with that.
and then also working out what the big stressers are and making minor adjustments to ease the stress including

• not doing all the school christmas stuff, just our favourite bits
• not over scheduling stuff for the kids, one church santa, one local puppet show - thats it
• moving our extended family gathering from in between xmas and nye to the first week of december so we have a nice calm gap afterwards and brings lots of the present admin onto november
• shifting extended family adult gifting to secret santa
• not having plans on consecutive days in december
• bringing as much “admin” forward into november as possible (actually theres a surprising amount that can be done early) so i can mainly just enjoy december! The hectic social calendar is not so bad if you arent stressing about your to do list in your head.
• chosing what we dont do, im channeling 90s xmas - absolutely no dec 1st box, christmas eve box, we dont rotate around any houses on christmas day/boxing day. We dont wrap in paper - ive been collecting reusable christmas drawstring bags for ten years - so just pop the gift in and pull. They are now part of the tradition of christmas! My kids are getting 2 small xmas presents each this year as i know there’ll be a giant pile from family whatever I do. I prep all xmas veg on xmas eve so xmas day is fairly calm.
• i try to have one circuit breaker a week where i dont drink/eat crap which i think helps with the feeling of gluttony.
• i dont let anyone feed my kids any crap - if they get given treats they each have a treat box and they can choose one thing each a day (they will still be going in feb) - no one needs sugar on top of the rest of it!
• make some of the chores activities for the kids - my sons favourite christmas tradition is making “scratch gravy” with my husband in early dec. my three year old is really into peeling veg at the moment 🤣

Oh and yes i 100% do the organised mum method christmas countdown from
sept

I loathe Christmas. I can’t wait for it to be over . My kids are adults now and I do the bare minimum.

I get where you’re coming from, just saying no isn’t as easy as it sounds, and people saying pick which ones are meaningful for you does sound easy but by the time you also accomodate which ones are meaningful for your husband and your parents and your kids, it still adds up to a lot of things.

everyone is feeding my kid junk food too and that stresses me out as well. I try to say to myself it’s just one day.. but it’s been going since November. I try to make sure I feed them healthy snack before we go places. But still there is so much junk food in the house from the advent calendars both my mum made and my MIL brought, plus all the little junk food gifts they get from kindy and friends and at every Santa gift etc etc it really does get overwhelming.

this year I really pulled back on gifts, we’re already in secret Santa’s with extended family so not really any less adults I can buy for, but didn’t volunteer for any work secret Santa’s. Or buy and friends kids gifts. And for nieces and nephews we weren’t seeing in the day I just got sale items and thought f it, I’m not actually close to these children, it’s not my responsibility to buy them a meaningful expensive gift - as long as it is something I genuinely think they will enjoy, that is enough.

good luck, you’ve got this.

Get the flu if you don’t feel you can say we aren’t coming. Try to learn to say no, I find it hard too but don’t have as much on as you x

This is great advice, I’ve actually taken on board similar mindset/plan and have enjoyed December far more this year than ever.
good idea with the kids junk food. This has been a major pain point for me this year. Thanks

This is one of the first years I feel relaxed about Christmas. Sadly we no longer have much-loved but frail elderly parents. Children all adults. Invited out for Boxing Day. As much bought-in food as I want as I don’t feel the need to bake anything I don’t personally enjoy much.

It is tough with small children and work. I remember it well.

Christmas burnout is a real thing and the height of it for me was when my kids were 3&7yrs, the first Christmas I became a single parent.
After one disastrous Christmas day afternoon at my parents house I completely scaled it back to the three of us being home alone for Christmas. It was actual bliss. it's only now they are 14&18yrs I am feeling that we can leave the house again on Christmas afternoon to head to my brothers and then back home in the evening.

At 2&4 is possibly feels like you will never enjoy Christmas again with the lack of sleep, but you can only do as much as you can and they will get better.

I’ve been unwell for 18 days, mainly can’t recover did to lack of sleep (and counting) with two very young children, working 5 days, a crumbling marriage and im estranged from my dysfunctional family, who are barely in touch with one another as my parents failed us and we are all a bit damaged.

while the magic of Christmas is evident in my eldest, I am burnt out and with you, so much pressure at Christmas.

the only saving grace is I booked this week off work so I’m unwell in bed and kids at nursery. Yes this is a luxury even though I’ve barely left the house outside nursery run for 2+ weeks.

i bought a nativity set this year - it’s really helped me to remember that this is a joyful time and not to be too ground down by the stress (we’ve had two essential appliances and a car break down during the month when we’re again trying to pay for Xmas!)

Looking at the figures gathered around the little baby reminds me of the gift of life, the joy when a new baby is born to us or a family member or friend and how special that is.

We only have the one life, it reminds me to enjoy it as much as possible and not worry too much about whether I’ve got the best presents I could have or about the fact I haven’t got round to making an Xmas cake or sending cards. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.

We do one present per child from each family. No presents for adults. This has been a game changer

I'm with you. We have two birthdays at the end of the November to add to the mix. People say to say no to family/friends but we all know thats easier said than done. We have had a real think about what we can go without. We don't do presents for adults now and we don't do Christmas cards - a quick message on Christmas day is appreciated just as much! We didn't book any Christmas days out other than a visit to FC instead of a birthday party for my youngest two and we've just thrown the no screen rule out of the window for December. I hate the crap weather and short days especially with young children who were made for the outdoors. And everything child friendly seems to close during the Christmas holidays 🙃

Btw, are we the only parents left refusing to do elf on the shelf?!!

OP I agree with you. I’m burnt out with it too, and I’ve scaled back a lot this year. We have mostly stopped doing presents, which has pissed a few people off. When people say “just say no to things” I think it’s a bit unrealistic. I have said “no” to some things (presents, in-laws staying as guests over Christmas) and people are annoyed with me. But the whole thing is just a constant battle. To be honest, i don’t want to do ANY of it. I want to go to the Canaries instead.

I agree with you, it is really hard to know what to do with young kids for the two weeks they’re off.

I’m not doing the demon elf. I’ve said elves don’t like our house because we have a cat and cats like to jump on elves and chase them away.

Everyone saying ‘it’s easier said than done to say no to family/friends’ and ‘it’s hard having kids to entertain’ are talking like those of us who have said ‘just say no’ don’t also have families/friends/kids. Many of us do.
My youngest is autistic. We have to say no to things/slow things down/prioritise, as otherwise he goes into complete and utter meltdown. And the world hasn’t fallen in.
It’s not easy saying no, but it’s not impossible.

Up until my oldest realised they weren't real, he was very concerned that elves were breaking into peoples houses whilst they slept and was very grateful our house was secure enough to keep them out!

In all seriousness, I don't mind the elf - they have one at school and get a lot of excitement out of it. But we can't possible keep up with everything we're meant to do during December- something has to give for our own sanity (for us its the elf!)

It depends on the family. My mum, I could easily say no to. She was easy going. My Dad would get deeply offended and emotional if I say no.
My husband’s family are quite demanding, and there is massive pushback from them if boundaries are set. It really depends on who you’re dealing with.

I've scaled it right back this year after years and years of running myself ragged. It is so much better and far less stressful

My mum was deeply offended and emotional to be fair. But it was necessary. She got over it.

My family were the same. I got burnt out with the stress and spending at Christmas so my siblings and I introduced Secret Santa a few years ago, just for the children. Adults decided we didn't want gifts so each child now gets one present and they are happy with that. Instead we agree a date for a family gathering over Christmas with nice food and drink and enjoy socialising with each other. It has taken away a lot of stress and unnecessary spending. Suggest that for next year.

I bet your partner isn't stressing about any of this. The expectations on women are huge at this time of year. Take back control and only do the bits you want to do. Relatives that you hardly ever see do not need presents. It's all just over consumption. Cut back on all the visiting. You are stressing over having to do visits. The women on the other end are stressing about hosting visitors. All the men in the equation are sitting back watching tv. It's time we call a halt to it.