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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have this living arrangement?

34 replies

Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:16

Had a disaster of a year which I’m trying to salvage, would appreciate anyone sharing their views.

I am a single parent and recently got a job in healthcare which is very long shifts - 12-14 hours, 3x a week, includes night shifts sometimes.

The family member who had committed to doing the wraparound care for DS so I could work this job has suddenly become unable to do so anymore - health issue related. Not sure if or when that will resolve.

I’ve been frantically trying to figure out if I can still make this job feasibly work. Around March, my shifts will reduce to around 10h 3x a week, alleviating some pressure. But I would still need 1h before and 1h after breakfast/after school club care. Considering finding a local babysitter for this - I could manage financially but night shifts would be difficult for me to cover. I have some family who could stay over here and there but it would be tricky logistically.

Have discussed with close family members about this - DSis and Bil (and toddler) are in the process of moving house, and have a couple of months which are tricky for them housing wise in Jan/Feb. We have had a discussion about them staying with us for that time rent free, in exchange for doing the awkward wrap around care and being present here while I’m doing night shifts. They would be happy to do this.

I know this will come with its challenges - we have a very calm and peaceful home and adding 3 extra people (including a toddler) is going to change the dynamic at home and be a loss of privacy. But I’m really in a lurch with my job - it is fairly well paid, my alternative would be finding a part time job around school hours until DS is older - but I’m wondering if this is the best option, rather than deal with the stress that trying to do shift work entails.

Im unlikely to secure another job similar to this in the future if I leave. I’ve also considered doing a flexible work request closer to April and reducing hours further but its unlikely to be granted because of the role.

Can anyone offer words of wisdom please? I’m in a bit of a panic.

OP posts:
OccasionalHope · 20/12/2025 22:19

If they're reasonable people and you all get on, it sounds like a good idea for a short period.

PrincessofWells · 20/12/2025 22:19

Is a childminder before and after school clubs a possibility? Some around my way do offer this.

RacingAcrossTheSofa · 20/12/2025 22:19

Them moving in sounds sensible if they’re decent people. Discuss in advance, set house rules, agree when they’ll leave. Will probably be stressful at times but if everyone is determined to get on then it’ll be fine.

Is the job really realistic past that though? Sounds like night shifts will be the big issue.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/12/2025 22:21

Do you get on well with DSis and BIL? Do you have a good honest relationship with your DSis, one where you can be honest if you’re driving each other mad? If yes, it’s only a few months, sounds like it helps you both out?

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:21

PrincessofWells · 20/12/2025 22:19

Is a childminder before and after school clubs a possibility? Some around my way do offer this.

This was my first thought, but there aren’t any local childminders with availability or who start work early enough - my shift starts at 7am so I need to leave the house at 6:30am. And until my shifts reduce in length in March, I will not be home until 9:30pm.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 20/12/2025 22:21

I think it’s an excellent plan.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:23

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/12/2025 22:21

Do you get on well with DSis and BIL? Do you have a good honest relationship with your DSis, one where you can be honest if you’re driving each other mad? If yes, it’s only a few months, sounds like it helps you both out?

Yes we do get along well and are close - we go on holidays together, and speak every day. I’m just worried about the reality of sharing our home and if it’ll be very overwhelming or busy. We live in a 2 bedroom flat so they would temporarily have one of the bedrooms while me and DS share. I know it isn’t ideal, I’ve just really been left in a lurch with starting a brand new job and childcare falling through immediately.

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 20/12/2025 22:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:24

HeddaGarbled · 20/12/2025 22:21

I think it’s an excellent plan.

Thank you! I’ve been feeling so anxious the past few days because it’s been a very unsettling time - I studied for 5 years to get this job and it was extremely competitive. I would really like to do my best to make it work, but at the moment my brain seems to just be pointing out problems. So it’s nice to hear someone view it positively!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:27

RacingAcrossTheSofa · 20/12/2025 22:19

Them moving in sounds sensible if they’re decent people. Discuss in advance, set house rules, agree when they’ll leave. Will probably be stressful at times but if everyone is determined to get on then it’ll be fine.

Is the job really realistic past that though? Sounds like night shifts will be the big issue.

Thank you for your reply. Honestly I’m not sure the job is realistic past that - but I’m in survival mode at the moment, just trying to make a bit of a plan to get through the next few weeks. Even if I don’t stay long term, I have to keep working there for the time being for the income.

I was hoping to go part time at this role once I am more settled in - at this point the childcare issue would lessen massively.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

From around March, I can afford a babysitter, but I can’t currently because of the extended shifts. From March the babysitter costs would be around 2.5h per work day - at the moment it’ll be double that, and I just cannot afford it.

OP posts:
CottonCandyCake · 20/12/2025 22:34

It won’t be easy, but if you are all civilised people it should be manageable. Especially if you have an end date. Try and think of it as a family bonding exercise.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 20/12/2025 22:42

CottonCandyCake · 20/12/2025 22:34

It won’t be easy, but if you are all civilised people it should be manageable. Especially if you have an end date. Try and think of it as a family bonding exercise.

Thank you. Do you think 6 weeks would be too long? Im trying to figure out financially when I can afford to have a babysitter take over, but weighing that up with sharing our home and the stresses that will bring.

OP posts:
Dinosweetpea · 21/12/2025 08:54

While in theory this could work, in a 2 bed flat its utter madness. Sorry.

Poodleville · 21/12/2025 10:32

I think while in some ways it is not ideal, as a solution to a tricky problem you're quite lucky this is an option now (given you all get on and have been on holiday together). If you go for it, make things easier by discussing it thoroughly before you proceed. What you'll all need, how you'll handle meal times,, cleaning, noise etc.

If you studied 5 years to do this job it would be a real shame to fall at the first hurdle! 6 weeks will give you time to figure out how you'll handle your 10 hour shifts. Good luck OP!

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 21/12/2025 13:55

Dinosweetpea · 21/12/2025 08:54

While in theory this could work, in a 2 bed flat its utter madness. Sorry.

Yes I can see it being really stressful. Just in such a hard to manage situation because even if I do leave this job because of the hours, I can’t just walk out because I can’t afford to without a job lined up.

OP posts:
vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:19

It sounds like you don't have much of a choice, but it honestly sounds like hell on earth to me.

AwkwardPaws27 · 21/12/2025 16:18

Its a short term issue and a short term solution. If its hard, its only 6 weeks. You can make it through 6 weeks.
I'd make sure they have a firm plan and date for moving out so it doesn't become any longer, but provided you have that assurance I think it sounds like a good solution.
Are they out at work / nursery etc during the day? If so I'd volunteer for nights if possible and sleep while they are out of the flat.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 21/12/2025 16:42

AwkwardPaws27 · 21/12/2025 16:18

Its a short term issue and a short term solution. If its hard, its only 6 weeks. You can make it through 6 weeks.
I'd make sure they have a firm plan and date for moving out so it doesn't become any longer, but provided you have that assurance I think it sounds like a good solution.
Are they out at work / nursery etc during the day? If so I'd volunteer for nights if possible and sleep while they are out of the flat.

yeah, this is true. I have already discussed with them having a set ‘move out’ date. DSis and toddler are not working/at nursery so they’d be indoors most of the time which I think is making me feel more apprehensive. But not sure what the alternative is!

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:03

But you need Plan Bs. What happens if their circs change and they cant move out after 6 weeks.? And TBH you should have always had a back up plan re childcare as anybody can let you down at any time.

I do think it will be tough, but thats what families are for isn’t it?

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 17:10

What happens if they have nowhere to go on their "move out date"?

JemOfAWoman · 21/12/2025 17:33

If you are in the UK you can request a change in contractual hours. This could be to just get you through the next couple of months.

be honest with your manager, explain it’s a blip and you are committed to making it work but for now you need some support.

it’s better financially for them to find a way to make this work rather than you leave and they have to recruit to replace you.

you don’t have to find a solution on your own OP!

Florencesndzebedee · 21/12/2025 20:49

Live in nanny? Will cost a fortune but depends how much you’ll be earning.

Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 06:31

Sidebeforeself · 21/12/2025 17:03

But you need Plan Bs. What happens if their circs change and they cant move out after 6 weeks.? And TBH you should have always had a back up plan re childcare as anybody can let you down at any time.

I do think it will be tough, but thats what families are for isn’t it?

So my plan B was paying for a babysitter - but because I’m new to the job, I don’t have enough cash for that yet - but I should by Feb, at a pinch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemon1079 · 22/12/2025 06:31

JemOfAWoman · 21/12/2025 17:33

If you are in the UK you can request a change in contractual hours. This could be to just get you through the next couple of months.

be honest with your manager, explain it’s a blip and you are committed to making it work but for now you need some support.

it’s better financially for them to find a way to make this work rather than you leave and they have to recruit to replace you.

you don’t have to find a solution on your own OP!

Thank you! I’ve just been feeling so overwhelmed with the whole situation.

OP posts: