To have this living arrangement?

[Lemon1079]

Had a disaster of a year which I’m trying to salvage, would appreciate anyone sharing their views.

I am a single parent and recently got a job in healthcare which is very long shifts - 12-14 hours, 3x a week, includes night shifts sometimes.

The family member who had committed to doing the wraparound care for DS so I could work this job has suddenly become unable to do so anymore - health issue related. Not sure if or when that will resolve.

I’ve been frantically trying to figure out if I can still make this job feasibly work. Around March, my shifts will reduce to around 10h 3x a week, alleviating some pressure. But I would still need 1h before and 1h after breakfast/after school club care. Considering finding a local babysitter for this - I could manage financially but night shifts would be difficult for me to cover. I have some family who could stay over here and there but it would be tricky logistically.

Have discussed with close family members about this - DSis and Bil (and toddler) are in the process of moving house, and have a couple of months which are tricky for them housing wise in Jan/Feb. We have had a discussion about them staying with us for that time rent free, in exchange for doing the awkward wrap around care and being present here while I’m doing night shifts. They would be happy to do this.

I know this will come with its challenges - we have a very calm and peaceful home and adding 3 extra people (including a toddler) is going to change the dynamic at home and be a loss of privacy. But I’m really in a lurch with my job - it is fairly well paid, my alternative would be finding a part time job around school hours until DS is older - but I’m wondering if this is the best option, rather than deal with the stress that trying to do shift work entails.

Im unlikely to secure another job similar to this in the future if I leave. I’ve also considered doing a flexible work request closer to April and reducing hours further but its unlikely to be granted because of the role.

Can anyone offer words of wisdom please? I’m in a bit of a panic.

Also my childcare falling through was my mum suddenly becoming really unwell - she’s been a huge support since I first had DS with any jobs I have had; nothing like this has happened before and her illness was completely unexpected. Very stressful/worrying times for everyone

As a nurse student I slept a few nights a week at a single mum's house and took the child to nursery. I was paid £20 - it might be a bit more 2026 but you are not the first to work out a solution.

Surely this is part of being a family? I do understand why you are asking, but I think people in other cultures would be surprised you would even think twice. Yes, it will be cramped. But it’s your sister! Unless there is a backstory you haven’t told us. I’ve never seen a better example of a mutually beneficial solution to an immediate crisis.
You’ve set me off on a little daydream about how lovely it would be if my sister had to come and stay for 2 months …

I have lived with family (with DH and toddler) during renovations. It was stressful and hard at times but we made it work.

From my experience I would recommend they schedule a few weekends where they go and visit friends. It gives everyone a pause and a touch of breathing space without causing logistical headaches if carefully timed.

It does sound a bit cramped but I think it could definitely work. I have a friend who needed to do something similar and it seemed good for her, and I also know of family members who have lived together and shared childcare and it worked well for everyone involved

Have the conversation with your sister and BiL- you like each other and are close, so talk through the potential pitfalls that you see arising and discuss what you’ll do in those situations. Thinking through worst-case scenarios is quite useful, I find.

I think your hesitation shows you are being realistic about the challenge and this will help make it work. Pretend youre all on a caravan holiday together and make it fun when spaces are squeezed. Keep talking about what would relieve any stresses, eg one family goes out all day on alternate weekends.

No no backstory really, it’s just going from 2 to 5 people in a two bedroom flat and how busy it’ll be. Their toddler is very boisterous and they are quite homebody people, so I pretty much won’t have any time to myself while they’re staying.

thanks for your reply!

Yes in the meantime, I am going to try and discuss flexible working arrangements with my manager. I think a reduction of hours would solve my childcare issues as I could afford a combination of babysitter/family help if I did part time. Very nervous to bring up that topic so early into employment though, in case they say no and/or hold it against me.