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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to withdraw DD from swimming?

64 replies

NotGoingSoSwimmingly · 20/12/2025 12:45

DD5 has been going to swimming lessons for almost a year.

At first she made great progress and has gone from not getting in the water unless attached to an adult to jumping in, swimming about without a float and diving to the bottom to pick things up.

However, every time she goes on her back, her head sinks and she stands up. Because of this, she's been at 98% of stage one for 3 months. All her friends she started with have moved onto stage 2.

I'm thinking as she's made no official progress in 3 months I should take her out and just go swimming with her as often as possible? She enjoys the lessons but it's just as happy to go with us, and paying for lessons is so expensive.

OP posts:

tripleginandtonic · 20/12/2025 12:46

Keep her in lessons OP, it's money well spent But take her swimming with you too.

bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox · 20/12/2025 12:49

I agree, keep her in lessons and you sort the issue yourself in "fun" swimming time. Bet you can get it sorted in a couple of visits. I had to do that with DD to get her to pass the breast stroke section

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/12/2025 12:51

Its a bit soon imo, keep going

MedievalNun · 20/12/2025 12:52

The instructor should be helping with this, to correct how she’s lying on her back.

A quick way you can help if she goes with you:
get her to lie across your arm in the pool - your arm should support her head if that’s the problem, DH /DP / friend supports her back. Get her to put her arms as wide as possible, legs too, and practice keeping her head level. Gradually remove the supporting arms, putting them back if she dips her head.

A trick that helped teach DD was that she had to imagine lying on the floor, she has to keep her neck straight as it won’t dip down on a floor.

If the instructor isn’t helping or working with her then it might not be the right setting for her.

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 12:53

Cancelling lessons because she can’t manage something is really the wrong thing. You stop lessons when they CAN do it.

I’d be getting some extra time one to one to see if they can help her with whatever the issue is. Someone in the water with her, to support her head a bit and stop her standing up right away might help. Have you done it with her?

Christmaseree · 20/12/2025 12:55

Could you take her and she practices laying on her back?

Devonshiregal · 20/12/2025 13:10

Yeah move swim schools. It’s hard to teach your own - supplement yes - but try somewhere else. Sometimes it just takes a new approach.

cheddercherry · 20/12/2025 13:12

There’s two sides; one is the fact her body and positioning of her head isn’t right so shes dunking under (try getting her not just to look up on her back but almost up AND back so the chin is slightly higher which will straighten her out whilst getting her toes out of the water - the flatter you are you won’t then dunk under) but the second part of this is the fear of going under from that position - that you can sort by coming up with some sort of fun game in your fun swimming together. But I agree I wouldn’t pull her out of lessons unless there’s an issue in terms of you thinking the teaching isn’t up to parr.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/12/2025 13:17

If this is the first time she's done lessons it sounds like she has made great progress! Agree with others you can support the teaching when you take her swimming yourself. And also remember its not a race to go up the stages, she hasn't stopped developing in all the other areas she had already ticked off for stage 1, when she finally gets into stage 2 she'll be more prepared for what she needs to be able to learn

BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 13:19

It's seems odd the teacher is seeing her making this very specific error over and over again and not showing her to correct it? It doesn't seem like it would be difficult.

So in that respect it could get the lessons are a bit of a waste of time. But if she can move up a level with her mates she'll probably want to continue?

So can't you take her swimming and fully focus on this issue with her head and back stroke, so then in lessons she'll pass up a grade really soon?

Hankunamatata · 20/12/2025 13:32

Id pay for some 1:1 or 1:2 lessons to get her confident on her back - she may only need a couple of months worth. Pricey but worth getting her to next step.

Dramatic · 20/12/2025 13:36

No I wouldn't take her out, it can take time to master certain skills but if you take her out you might find it really difficult to get her back in and she's got a whole load of stuff to still learn before she's a confident swimmer

SchoolDilemma17 · 20/12/2025 13:37

Have you taken her and practiced with her?

SchoolDilemma17 · 20/12/2025 13:38

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 12:53

Cancelling lessons because she can’t manage something is really the wrong thing. You stop lessons when they CAN do it.

Spot on! Swimming is a life skill, you don’t quit because they can’t do one thing.

Skybluepinky · 20/12/2025 13:45

Keep her in lessons, if she is struggling in lessons going swimming with you won’t improve things.

purpleme12 · 20/12/2025 13:49

Wow Erm this is a rather premature thing to do...
My child was in stage one for just over a year...

However if you think she should have progressed by now then you can easily ask to speak to her teacher and see what she needs to work on and why she's been at the same percentage for months then she can discuss it further with you and hopefully put your mind at rest. It might even make her think that actually oh maybe I do need to move that child up. Either way it might be worth discussing with the teacher and seeing?

Hedgehogsandcauliflower · 20/12/2025 14:07

I wouldn't stop the lessons, but perhaps you should try a different swimming teacher.

Freshstartyear25 · 20/12/2025 14:13

DD1 was at stage 1 for 1.5 years. It was annoying as she was also at 97% for almost 6 months. I think the time she spent learning the skill helped because she was only in stage 2 for 6 months. We noticed though that her swimming school sometimes keeps children in a stage longer when they know there’s no space yet in the higher stage which is so annoying. You can also look at another swimming school or teacher if you think the teacher is not helping

Oioiqueen · 20/12/2025 14:17

I'd keep going, speak with her instructor and if you can keep practicing this in family swims
She'll get there.

We pulled DS4 from lessons. He started refusing to go from the changing room to the pool. We think it's a bit of separation anxiety as he is the same at school. Far too much stuff going on at home at the moment to have the energy to fight it otherwise we would have kept going. He was 3/4 of the way through stage 2. We are hoping during family swims that he gets the hump that DH and his Dsis are in the deeper bit playing games and he is stuck with mummy and all the babies in the shallow end and wants to learn again.

gogomomo2 · 20/12/2025 14:18

Worth resting them for a few weeks, practice with her then restarting. Not all dc are ready at 5 anyway. My dc learned in a few weeks but was 8

ThatAgileRosePanda · 20/12/2025 14:21

I would keep the lessons, take her swimming and try to sort out the issue that’s stopping her progressing in to the next level. Sometimes one small fear can provide a block, she’s probably panicking on her back and it just needs some guided practice.

FofB · 20/12/2025 14:21

We endured achingly slow progress in swim lessons for 2 years. Enquired about how much 1 to 1 lessons were. Bloody expensive. However, I took on extra hours at work and she started- she did 1 to 1 swim lessons for 9 months and became a very proficient swimmer- so much so that we were able to finish the lessons; so in the long term, it saved us money/time because 1 teacher being able to focus on 1 child means those little mistakes are corrected much quicker.

BendingSpoons · 20/12/2025 14:26

Even if she isn't making official progress, she may still be progressing.

DD did well at stage 1 then spent absolutely AGES at stage 2. (Around 2 years but there was a Covid lockdown during that.) She then did 6 weeks at stage 3 before moving up to stage 4.

You can teach her yourself if she responds to it. Mine would just play around when we took them swimming and only do about 5 mins of 'proper' swimming practise.

Crazybigtoe · 20/12/2025 14:32

Take her. Her hips need to come up more not head back more. She might have in her mind that head back means legs up so pushes her head back too far? Could try all sorts her from being a star fish in the water to holding hips up etc etc She needs to play around and feel how the water works with her body. Don't always get time in lessons to figure that out.

Peridoteage · 20/12/2025 14:39

Don't pull her out of lessons. It will make it a big thing in her head and restarting will be a nightmare.

Get her to look at the ceiling and focus really hard on it, its the best way to keep your head in a good position

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