Boss has amnesia

[Whatstfpoint]

I need to vent. I feel so unseen and dismissed at work. I cannot get over the latest incident. My manager asked me months ago if I would be up for leading a team to which I said yes. He said great and that the change would be made in a few months.

I was already managing some people in an informal way so thought I'm happy to continue until the it's being made formal.

Turns out my boss forgot the conversation ever took place. The change is six months overdue, he didn't initiate the necessary conversations with his bosses etc.

I feel like such a mug for keeping things together and basically managing work when it wasn't even my role yet. I have dropped what I can to make it his problem and just focus on my own work.

I feel so upset and even betrayed. I'm angry that I work for such a moron. I can't even speak to him because I'm so angry.

Prick.

So has he said he now won’t initiate the changes?

I hear you OP. Not to the same extent but my MD definitely has a habit of forgetting conversations, or forgetting who had an idea that turned out to be particularly successful. He’s retiring next year to be replaced by an MD half his age, who I hope has better information retention!

He has not said yes or no. I don't even care anymore. Im just there for the money but I thought a bit of a change would help against the boredom. He said he'd speak to me about my situation in the weeks before Christmas which hasn't happened. And it wouldn't have gone well from my side. Im just doing my job description now.

It's not even about the change. It's the forgetting and him just not having a fucking clue. He even asked me weeks before 'so what do you do', which I took to mean he wondered what I do all day. I have worked in this job for years.

What a fucking prick.

There is forgetting conversations and then there is forgetting THESE conversations. I know he forgets stuff. I never thought he would forget this. I mean what else am I supposed to do if my boss cannot keep track of ONE career progression conversation HE wanted to have. He hardly ever checks in with me and he couldn't even keep track of this. Apparently it was the first he heard of it.

I'm so angry because in typical woman fashion I started to doubt my own memory and whether I should have made sure this or that until I thought FUCK THIS SHIT.

Fucking prick.

I hope your new MD will be a delight.

am i right in thinking he said you’d get a new position but youve heard nowt?

have you discussed the lack of said position with him yet? if not you should push him again to find out whats happening.

Yes sort of. I manage him all the time because he is a clueless idiot. I'm tired of it and won't push anymore. I will just drop some work and focus on my own role. I'm just there for the money which is excellent.

Email and paper trail is your friend here.
Sorry you have such a crap boss

Yes. If he asks to meet I will ask to send an email telling me what the meeting is about about and then I will decide.

I thought about sending a summary of each conversation but I hate having to manage him. It reminds me of all the women on here having to manage their husbands.

He's just another useless man. I'm not going to enable him.

You’re being used

Your career is yours for you to manage. This isn’t about managing him, this is another managing your career.

If you don’t want the promotion, fine. If you do, then you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face.

It’s annoying to work with incompetent managers, but you naive if you expect him to care about your progression more than you do.

Seems nutty to sit there steaming rather than actually scheduling a meeting with him (and, ideally, someone from HR) specifically to discuss what is happening in relation to his promise. Record the meeting and send a summary afterwards.

A bit condescending, eh? Never said my career isn't mine to manage. I don't think I was out of orde to trust my manager remembers what he asked me and what was agreed.

And you are wrong. I manage up A LOT. Yes, I manage him in ways he does not realise. I didn't have it on my radar that I had to manage him on this too. I don't think this means I'm NOT managing my career.

Because I won't be able to hold a normal meeting. I'm that upset. Did that not come across? I'm not asking for advice. I specifically said I need to vent.

I'm tired and exhausted. I don't want to be an extension of this man's brain. There is managing up and then there is managing twats and having enough of it.

I'm venting.

@FerrisWheelsandLilacs it's actually quite unbelievable that you want to blame this on me not managing my career. You have no idea how I have managed it so far. Move on. I won't respond to you again.

Ok, let this sit for a bit, you will calm down. Put a meeting in his diary first week back and plan what you want to say. Email him with what’s discussed and stay on it.

this is your career to manage, fight for it.

Vent away OP, he sounds like an incompetent twat. Let it all out!

I'm so sorry for how he's made you feel. Did you bring it up via email at any point before it was six months overdue?
He seems the type you need proof of every conversation.
If you no longer want the promotion I guess that's the end of that. But if I were you I'd try and push for it to happen as was discussed.

Don’t get mad. Get even.

If it was that important to me, I would have dropped a brief informal email ...

"Just a quick note to say it was great to sketch out my moving to leading a team, and I am looking forward to the challenge".

If they reply negatively then you know they were full of shit.
If they don't reply then it's tacit acceptance in the event you need to escalate the issue.
If they reply positively then game on.

Correct. This is why I'm dropping stuff. Otherwise this man's incompetence will never come to light. No more goodwill.

I have never cared much about this promotion. Tax reasons etc. I'm just so disappointed with the behaviour. It's such a fucking slap in the face together with some of the other stuff he pulled recently. It's like I don't exist. I know it isn't about me. I have heard unbelievable stories from colleagues of the same sort. I feel stupid for relying on something.

Yes I know. Emails go into a black hole. There was a classic example a week ago of something I knew he 'wouldnt see'. He didn't and it required people to work longer. Just logged off at my usual time. Fuck this shit.

He sounds utterly hopeless

Emails go into a black hole.

That's not your problem - you can show it was sent and that is that.

And you send it not to produce it (again) to the recipient. You send it so that your saved sent copy can be shown higher up to confirm a meeting and decision were discussed. It's then up to the recipient to explain why they did not respond.

(All of this assumes you work in a fairly functional outfit, I admit. And that isn't a given as UK productivity shows.)

We had a mid year conversation. I realise now that the faces he made meant he didn't know what I was on about. But I didn't see it. I have objectives etc but he doesn't remember anything. At the end of the FY he will often comment on my objectives in writing in a way that makes it clear he has no clue.

I think it's hard to imagine what it's like to work in this chaos. I have to track him down on a lot of things, sometimes I don't have to and there is no rhyme or reason. It's confusing and exhausting and I just lost direction.