To Already Know a Male Colposcopist Is Going to be Horrible?

[AnOldLadyWhoLovesCheeseToasties]

I'm one of those lucky women who are referred for a colposcopy every 12 months - so far, so good, & I'm incredibly lucky to benefit from the UK screening programme due to various risk factors.

HOWEVER, I found out today the amazing, truly wonderful female doc who's performed my colposcopies and various biopsies over the years has now left - & there is now an older male doctor, and I assumed from the second I saw him I was in trouble, & I was right.

No reassurance, zero explaining what he was doing, no warning about applying the dye as I'd thought was the norm to ensure I wasn't scared & didn't flinch from the cold sensation. Then when he decided to take a biopsy, there was zero notice or advice about breathing in / coughing to lessen the pain. My last 2 pairly hurt, this felt agonising & I actually shouted in pain as he continued to dig around for about twice the time of any previous biopsy.

He then proceeded to explain how important it was to have a 'decent' sample, but didn't mention the fact I was close to tears - & I'm really not a low pain threshold kinda person, it was bloody brutal.

The wonderful nurses were as amazing as ever, but AITA to KNOW when I see an older male doctor I may as well just go home because the lack of any shred of gentleness or care simply doesn't exist?

Personally I would contact the hospital and complain. I would suggest that he needs re training, regardless of age, and that he was brutal

it’s not acceptable that we have to suffer

Don’t make incorrect generalisations. Your experience was appalling that’s no reason to be prejudiced. You are as bad as the MAGA gang in the US.

Ummmm that's a weirdly wild leap & inappropriate or at best insensitive. Talking about my own upsetting medical experience to ask if this is consistent with others (with obviously ingrained expectations of poorer or better care) & the anecdotal contrasts isn’t prejudice or politics, not least racist or violent MAGA rhetoric. It’s requests for community feedback about care during an invasive &, apparently only sometimes, painful procedure.

If you’ve had several colposcopies before then you shouldn’t need all the explanations, reassurances of ‘this will be a bit cold!’ etc. Surely you know the whole process by now? Perhaps he knew you were a returner so thought he could cut all that crap.

Oh I do hear you, but equally I've been a blood donor for ~20 yrs & have never, ever, had anyone not warn me to expect a sharp scratch, all of whom have seen my donor record. I might be in the wrong but I don't see that level of general patient care as 'crap' & don't think any woman should be deemed as prepared to suffer unexpected pain when previous practitioners have been (perhaps!) more conscientious than is the norm.

I mean, he may be rubbish, but I ended up being referred to a male gynaecologist when my female one moved away. He was probably 70 and very old school. He was fantastic. He got out the microscope and looked at my samples himself there and then and could reassure me about a treatment plan. He was so good that when a new (female) doctor joined the department and they offered I could see her instead, I refused and stayed with him. He was so much more respectful and professional.

It’s such a horrible thing to have OP, I thoroughly sympathise. I remember crying and the iodine stinging. Dr was so nice though

I have the dubious honour of also having annual colposcopies, after having to have them every six months for five years. I think I've been having them every six months/annually for coming up to 10 years now. They are still so gentle with me when I go, going at "my" pace is so important to my being able to cope due to the trauma of my medical history.

OP, I would complain. I've had a male consultant performing a colposcopy a couple of times and it wasn't like this.

I'm also offered gas and air for mine, it can help if they're really difficult.

So you got a male colposcopist and he didn't tell you everything he was doing when he was doing it and it's irking you because you're used to the female colposcopist telling you everything they did as they did it. Is that right?

I think YABU mo make assumptions based on age/sex, but I think your treatment was not okay. I would make a complaint, citing your previous experiences as evidence that your pain was based on his poor care.

Man there are people on this thread who seriously need to get laid. Go and have a beer or something

Can you refuse to see him again OP? Or complain that he hurt you?

Thank you, this is really lovely to hear, as are other comments from ladies who've had wonderful male docs - they sound bloody awesome. I think I may well be BU but I felt like my fears came horribly true today & sat in my car stupidly crying like a kid in pain & frustration & wondered if this is a common experience, which it seems it isn't!! ❤️

I also get regular colposcopies and my regular consultant is an older man. He's brilliant. Kind, communicative, thorough. Your generalisation isn't fair.

That doesn't make your experience any less awful though. You should absolutely complain. Sorry you had such a rotten time.

I have had both males and females do my colposcopes. The male one went as far to ask if I wanted to watch things on the screen (lol) but he talked through what he was doing.
That aside no matter how many times you have had a procedure you should still be talked through the process and be warned what is coming next. It is poor patient care. I would complain to the hospital as he needs reminding of informed consent, dignity and basic patient care. Hope your results are all ok op.

You do know that misogyny in healthcare is a significant issue right? Countless studies have shown that women are treated poorly, given less pain relief, expected to suffer through agonising procedures with no pain relief etc.? Not to mention the countless incidents of sexual harassment and abuse at male health professionals’ hands? So yeah, every single woman has the absolute right to make as many assumptions as they like about men in healthcare.

OP: you should complain. I would and have complained about male healthcare providers in the past. We all should complain every single time.

You are not being unreasonable. Unfortunately Mumsnet has become a bit of a misogynistic pit lately where women are being gaslighted into feeling guilty about being upset when a man hurts them.

This man hurt you OP. It doesn’t matter about the context. He hurt you. You should complain.

Nope not at all - but it's been a crappy day so recognise I may not have been at my most clear!! I'm upset because of the absence of communication/empathy/advice/notice/breathing techniques that previously made the process of applying a stingy dye to my cervix & cutting away a sample for biopsy without pain relief a pretty manageable thing - which was today a very painful & distressing experience. (While appreciating I'm obvs BU as so many super male docs do all those things that I'd thought they were down to my previous wonderful doc).

When I had my first biopsy for breast cancer the female nurse and consultant didn’t talk to me or tell Me what was happening, I only realised they suspected cancer because they started discussing equipment to take the sample and had to ask them to tell me what was going on.
later I had to have another sample taken, and this time I had a male consultant, he was excellent. Same with my surgeons, the female one was fucking dreadful and guy was great. I’m sorry you had a shit experience OP, but you are wrong to tar all men with the same brush, it’s just bigotry

I've come to realise you're 100% right. I'm so sorry about your horrid experience & really hope you're doing ok. I think I had a false belief that, bcos my doc was a woman, she was naturally kinder & gentler - but I think it's more about luck & I am just fortunate to have had such a brilliant doctor, gender regardless, for such a long time x

I've had a few too. The male consultant was fine but he kept trying to get me to look at the screen and I really didn't want to. I don't find my insides as fascinating as a Dr!

I had a Colposcopy when I was 17(now in my 50's) She was horrible. Told me it was my fault I was there as I smoked (I don't now) and then had a go at me as I dripped blood on the floor after a biopsy while still in stirups.

Equally had a horrid Hysteroscopy by a male who used no local anesthetic and looked annoyed that the biopsy of my womb lining hurt like a bugger.

Sadly it can be either sex that are awful for performing these procedures 😡

If you have a colposcopy every year, surely you know what to expect? I think it’s a ridiculously sweeping generalisation to think that older male doctors are not gentle and uncaring. From my extensive experience of gynaecological and breast examinations and procedures, I have generally found make doctors to be far more kind and gentle than women.

You’re a good egg op x

Oh yup, having a (vague, but uncertain!) idea of what's going to happen is right, but the FEAR, for me, at least, is always the same as you don't know, ever, if you'll be sent home to enjoy Xmas with your kids or have yet another biopsy that sends you right back into the panic of waiting & not knowing 🙁 From so many people who've taken the time to comment I get I'm totally wrong for making massive assumptions - it's a genuinely positive thing to be educated about the amazing men out there in gynae (& I hope I get one next time!!)

Sorry you had a horrible experience OP, hope you are feeling OK now.

It can be very easy to generalise based on experience. A bit different, but I have had 2 forceps deliveries. The first one, an older male dr sewed me up afterwards, and he did it so 'tight' I struggled to have sex for a couple years afterwards - found out later that it's called a 'husband stitch' - extra stitch to make things 'tight and more pleasurable for the husband'. No proof of course, he could have just been a bit rubbish at his job rather than being a misogynistic arse. But because misogyny is still so prevalent in healthcare it can feel like all negative behaviour by male drs is due to that, when sometimes they are equally rubbish to both makes and females.