Rough idea what would be fair in divorce.

[FuzzyFelt85]

Hello all,

Looking for some rough advice, a starter for ten, to get my head around what would be reasonable in a divorce.

My husband and I are separated and sleeping in different rooms in our house. There has been no intimacy for years. I won’t bore you with the details but I can’t bear to live with him or go on like this any longer. I believe we could do this amicably for our children. There is nobody else involved on either side.

Children are 6 & 7. No wraparound where we live and no family help… but I have a school hours job that I currently earn £17k pa in. I could potentially take on some additional work from home (my qualifications lend themselves to this fortunately). I do all school drop offs and pick ups and would likely keep doing this.

Husband works extremely long hours , often gone 7-7. Doesn’t tend to work weekends unless there is a hideous deadline. Earns 90k pa.

House is worth around £400k and the joint mortgage on it is £110k atm.

I would like to remain the primary carer and I don’t think my husband would challenge me on this, he is a workaholic.

I am thinking of asking for 2/3 equity in house plus some maintenance (a few hundred a month). I would like to stay in or near our current village and am happy to buy a basic 3 bedroom semi (where we live is quite cheap). Currently we have a huge Georgian house. There aren’t any other assets really. I don’t think I could afford to stay in this house on my own.

I would be happy to leave pensions alone.. mine in tiny and my husband probably has more but I am a lot younger so have longer to “save up”.

So in theory it could go-

Me - 190k of house proceeds (could by a basic house outright for this around here), my salary plus maintenance and hopefully some child benefit (never had it before).

Husband - 95k equity, keeps most of his salary. (He could easily afford a mortgage).

Could I ask people’s thoughts please?

(i know he’d be happy to continue as we are for ever more, despite him being quite unhappy and having no intimacy either … but it’s me that will propose divorce)

Thanks for reading!

Together 15 years married 10. I’ve always worked on been on mat leave.

I want “so much”… so I “dont have to work”?! Did you actually read the Op?!

I am not used to privilege at all, I grew up in poverty. It was DH that wanted the big house. “Basic” meaning a straightforward 3-bed semi rather than a large period house. I’m pretty sure you knew exactly what I meant though!

@FuzzyFelt85 Huge apologies! I thought I read that you were a Ta. Sorry.

You are unbelievable. So you've frittered away all of your own money "living in the moment" and didn't save a pound. Now you've left to "find yourself" and you want to take all of his money too.

What?

If 2/3 of the house is offset against the pensions it isn’t a lot at all. OP has (with clear agreement) sacrificed her earning capability to further his career and unless he is willing to step up or pay for wraparound care on 50/50 what else can she do

all piled together with the DH keeping pensions a outright and 1/3 of the equity could actually mean he is keeping more

proper legal advice and financial transparency is needed

Wrong thread, I think!

Op everything looks different when it actually happens, women will be talking to you about the best way to go about things, men will be talking to him, most men will say 50/50 and the court will back this up. Edited to add he will find childcare and will pay more than he’d have before/ he’ll find a way!!

A court won’t say he didn’t agree to you not getting more hours etc back in the day, they’ll just look at it as an agreement you made as a couple. Same as to all the people saying the op allowed him to further his career, I know a few people where that was just shrugged off as they didn’t have such huge earning position in the first place

I said this on another thread but unfortunately you’ll both end up living life differently to what you expect in terms of a home, most people I know end up renting as they can’t afford the house or moving in with family/ getting a one bed. Talk to him amicably about what will end up fairer for you both through a solicitor and it’ll go easier

It’s also worth noting that you will have to fund your retirement somehow so although you’re focused on housing your children now it’s not without risk to give up pensions.

I offset pensions for equity and don’t regret it but it does mean I will have to work until 67 and am saving a lot into my pension now.

Your proposal seems like you are getting a good deal OP.
Can you increase your working hours and arrange cc like many others do?
You will be mortgage free which is a very privileged position to be in.
You can increase your pension contributions also.
Hope all goes well for all