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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to F*** off and quit before the Christmas break?

217 replies

icyblast · 19/12/2025 11:59

I’ve been working full time at a nursery for 3 years now, and honestly, it’s been terrible. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to stick around this long. I think I just got too comfortable. The kids are lovely, and I genuinely enjoy that part of my job. But the management / owners? That’s a different story. It’s a chain of nurseries, and all they care about is profit. The staff are treated like shit, paid peanuts, and they act like they’re untouchable / above employment law. I could share so many stories, but I won’t bother. However, this latest incident has pushed me and a few others over the edge.

To keep it short, the owners like to donate to charity (which isn’t a bad thing), but they’re not good people, and no one sees what happens behind the scenes. They’ve organised a charity event for tomorrow that lasts 3 hours and threatened us with disciplinary action if we don’t show up. We all work Monday to Friday (that’s what our contracts say) and won’t be paid for our time tomorrow. Plus, it’s the last weekend before Christmas, so naturally, most of us have plans or are going away. They only told us on Tuesday that we were expected to attend. One of my colleagues only started 2 weeks ago (already had plans for the weekend), and while our manager let her off, she basically got a warning and was told not to let it happen again. Seriously? It’s her day off! Why shouldn’t she be able to make plans?

The thing is, if they had just asked us nicely to help out, most of us would have agreed. But they’ve given us no choice and threatened to sack us if we don’t go! Then we have to act like it’s a wonderful company and put on smiles and act happy for the parents and kids. We’re going just to avoid the hassle, but most of us are now looking for new jobs.

I talked to my partner about this, and he told me to just leave. I don’t have another job lined up yet, but I’m fully qualified and have over 10 years of experience in child care. I’m not trying to be cocky, but there are so many care jobs available right now that I doubt I’d have a hard time finding something better. AIBU to hand my notice in on Christmas Eve and enjoy my time off?

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 19/12/2025 12:50

If none of you turn up, they can’t sack you all.

Winter2020 · 19/12/2025 12:51

There are lots of care jobs but are you happy to work evenings/weekends/nights? To have shift patterns that change each week. To have shifts that are cancelled at short notice. To have to work over next Christmas? If not it cuts the number of them that are suitable for you down a lot.

I agree with a lot of the comments. If you aren't concerned about working elsewhere then call their bluff and don't go. But don't resign. If they escalate tell them that you don't think it would be legal to be sacked for not attending a non-work activity but you can look into it if they like.

If they realise that you are not overly bothered about being sacked then they might stop throwing it around as a threat. Assuming that you are a decent worker it makes their life more difficult to lose you.

On a practical level do you have savings / is your partner happy to support you for a while?

Toomanysofttoys · 19/12/2025 12:52

Quit...

I used to work in a nursery years ago and same... very little wage, short staffed unless inspectors were coming. I reported them then quit.

GAJLY · 19/12/2025 12:53

the80sweregreat · 19/12/2025 12:11

Just say you’re ill and don’t go.
If your not being paid I don’t understand how they can make you go along.
It’s really out of order isn’t it.

This is perfect 👆
Just say you're ill and advise the others to do the same thing. I'd look at getting a new job now. You could leave and join an agency?

GrooveArmada · 19/12/2025 12:56

No doubt there will be a brigade on MN defending nursery owners no matter what - it's probably the owners themselves cause nobody else would otherwise 😂 But I think you definitely are not BU, OP, I fully agree with everything you've said.

RealReginaPhalange · 19/12/2025 12:56

Voted yabu ONLY because i dont think its the right way to do it, and i dont mean you need to be fair and professional yada yada yada. They don’t deserve it and you should absolutely leave BUT you dont know what future holds for you, I wouldn’t burn the bridge regardless, besides 3 years is a long time, you might need references etc, if they want they will screw you over anyway so i would just suck it up, put your resignation in and enjoy your christmas knowing this nightmare will be over in a few weeks.

Elboob · 19/12/2025 13:00

winter8090 · 19/12/2025 12:14

Apologise and say you have plans for the weekend.
If they fire you then take them to tribunal.
Don't quit until you find a new job. But send the message that it’s not ok to treat people like this.

This!
They can't fire you for not working (for free) on your day off. Just don't go.
Look for another job, but give less of a fuck what they try and make you do.

Skodacool · 19/12/2025 13:01

CoffeeBeansGalore · 19/12/2025 12:10

Email your resignation tonight, and don't go tomorrow. They can't sack you if you've already resigned. They have no right to your personal time.
DH has your back. There's no reason to put up with their sh$& any longer.

I would be inclined to not go; let them sack you then take them to a tribunal for unfair/wrongful dismissal. From what you describe it’s unlike That they would go through proper procedures.

PGmicstand · 19/12/2025 13:02

topsecretcyclist · 19/12/2025 12:12

None of you should turn up. Are they really going to discipline all their staff? I'm sure the unions would love to take that up with them.

It's really really shit how these companies operate and treat people. Name and shame I say. Too many of them get away with this bollocks.

I completely agree. They can't put everyone on a disciplinary.

PrestonHood121 · 19/12/2025 13:02

tell them you don’t work for free and you already have plans. If they fire you, let them deal with the consequences at a tribunal

Amorphic · 19/12/2025 13:04

That sounds HORRIBLE!
Report them to ACAS and DHSC.
Is any of this on email or physically evident?

Also for your next move, may I suggest a nursery attached to a uni or hospital? They’re usually not run by a chain and driven hard by profit x

JemOfAWoman · 19/12/2025 13:06

if you are not being paid for this extra time then you may be earning below minimum wage. They can’t make you attend and not pay you.

I’d resign tonight and stick in an ACAS claim against them for non payment of wages. Get hold of all and any communications about the event and others like it, show all the time you have been expected to work above your contractual hours for no pay and work out how many times this has taken you below minimum wage.

im assuming your contract will reference ‘hours necessary to do the job’ but this doesn’t apply where NMW applies.

Good luck OP!

JustMyView13 · 19/12/2025 13:09

Don’t quit.
Call ACAS.
If you’re required to attend as part of your role, it is paid hours and you should receive money for it. Otherwise they are in breach of the National Minimum Wage.
You’re probably owed a tonne in back payments if they’re as bad as you say. You are entitled to be paid for the hours you work.

housethatbuiltme · 19/12/2025 13:10

See this is why I've never had a 'career', I do not suffer shit like this well.

I just wouldn't go, ask yourself what ARE they going to do?

You say they are threatening to sack you, do you have that written anywhere? can you record this 'disciplinary meeting' where they will? get them to say it, get them to admit they fired you just because you wouldn't cancel plans and work for free on your day off, because surely that will be an easy 'unfair dismissal' claim.

ByeByeDrinker · 19/12/2025 13:10

YABU because unless your boyfriend can financially support you or you have enough savings then you will struggle if you don't get a new job soon.

If you can afford 2-3 months without pay, then do it.

Pessismistic · 19/12/2025 13:11

H op why would you go in tomorrow if your going to quit just don’t turn up then if they sack you go for unfair dismissal they might not follow the employment law but they have to so go for it. No one can dictate that you work on a non working day especially if it’s not in your contract definitely fuck them off.

porridgeforbrekkie · 19/12/2025 13:13

Legally they can’t sack you for refusing to work on a Saturday without pay. A judge would have a field day with that. I’m sure the charity’s PR team would be horrified to know you were all there by force too.

Sundazie · 19/12/2025 13:14

Private nursery chains do not generally treat their staff well. Try and find an owner with one nursery or local authority. Personally I wouldn’t just quit if you need the reference/money. Also it will make it harder ratio wise for the rest of the staff. Maybe look at other child based roles in schools or local authority support roles. I found that a much better place to be.

heartsinvisiblefury · 19/12/2025 13:15

i clicked on the wrong option - I meant to click on you are being far from unreasonable ! Leave and tell them to stick their job!

Jessbow · 19/12/2025 13:18

If none of you turn up they will poo themselves- and then what will they do in a weeks time when nursery reopens if they have sacked you all?

THAT wont happen!

Dont go, and dont resign either

WaryHiker · 19/12/2025 13:20

ByeByeDrinker · 19/12/2025 13:10

YABU because unless your boyfriend can financially support you or you have enough savings then you will struggle if you don't get a new job soon.

If you can afford 2-3 months without pay, then do it.

Why do people on Mumsnet do this? The poster very clearly referred to her partner. There's no need to seek to put her down in a passive aggressive way by talking about her boyfriend. It happens all the time on here and doesn't say anything good about the poster.

Xkk · 19/12/2025 13:21

Absolutely do not resign. Call them bluff and let them sack you. You'll get a nice pay off if yoi take them to Court but most likely they won't because they know they are wrong.

SwirlingAroundSleep · 19/12/2025 13:23

icyblast · 19/12/2025 11:59

I’ve been working full time at a nursery for 3 years now, and honestly, it’s been terrible. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to stick around this long. I think I just got too comfortable. The kids are lovely, and I genuinely enjoy that part of my job. But the management / owners? That’s a different story. It’s a chain of nurseries, and all they care about is profit. The staff are treated like shit, paid peanuts, and they act like they’re untouchable / above employment law. I could share so many stories, but I won’t bother. However, this latest incident has pushed me and a few others over the edge.

To keep it short, the owners like to donate to charity (which isn’t a bad thing), but they’re not good people, and no one sees what happens behind the scenes. They’ve organised a charity event for tomorrow that lasts 3 hours and threatened us with disciplinary action if we don’t show up. We all work Monday to Friday (that’s what our contracts say) and won’t be paid for our time tomorrow. Plus, it’s the last weekend before Christmas, so naturally, most of us have plans or are going away. They only told us on Tuesday that we were expected to attend. One of my colleagues only started 2 weeks ago (already had plans for the weekend), and while our manager let her off, she basically got a warning and was told not to let it happen again. Seriously? It’s her day off! Why shouldn’t she be able to make plans?

The thing is, if they had just asked us nicely to help out, most of us would have agreed. But they’ve given us no choice and threatened to sack us if we don’t go! Then we have to act like it’s a wonderful company and put on smiles and act happy for the parents and kids. We’re going just to avoid the hassle, but most of us are now looking for new jobs.

I talked to my partner about this, and he told me to just leave. I don’t have another job lined up yet, but I’m fully qualified and have over 10 years of experience in child care. I’m not trying to be cocky, but there are so many care jobs available right now that I doubt I’d have a hard time finding something better. AIBU to hand my notice in on Christmas Eve and enjoy my time off?

I’d let them fire you and the sue for unfair dismissal (which it is and as you’ve worked for them for over 2 years you have loads more rights). Basically I would throw every legal right I have at them every time they are twats and enjoy the payout if they do eventually illegally fire me. Let other workers who have been there over 2 years know the same as you do too.

acas is your friend here or join a union sharpish.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 19/12/2025 13:23

Don't quit. Resign and agree to work until after Christmas.. Then tell the parents why you are leaving.. There may be no dc to teach in 2026....

IPM · 19/12/2025 13:25

I'd sooner stick around so I can laugh when they realise they cannot take 'disciplinary action' against anyone.