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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you split costs on a big family holiday?

50 replies

tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 07:42

My mum and dad both have big birthdays coming up so I want to suggest that we go on a big family holiday with the whole family. (This will likely be in 2027, to give everyone time to save)

I haven’t suggested it yet because I’m a bit split on how we would share the costs.

Our family is as follows

parents, me, a younger sibling (both me and my younger sibling are single, no children), and my older siblings who are each married with two children a piece.

We would likely end up needing 7 or 8 bedrooms (depending on which children would be happy to share), so how is it split? Is it an even split per family, which would mean my brother and I end up paying huge chunk more because of the extra bedrooms, or is it per bedroom? So i would pay for one bedroom of the accommodation and the families using two pay for two?

I want to have it laid out before i suggest it because otherwise i can see it being absolute chaos.

YABU - everyone pays an equal split. It’s a family holiday and it shouldn’t be unequal.

YANBU - you should pay per bedroom

OP posts:
AndSoFinally · 19/12/2025 07:44

Accomodation costs per room, food costs per person (with kids counting as half), travel costs each family pays their own ticket price

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 07:45

AndSoFinally · 19/12/2025 07:44

Accomodation costs per room, food costs per person (with kids counting as half), travel costs each family pays their own ticket price

This is what I was thinking, minus food - we’d all just do a big food shop together and then any little bits per family we’d add on and just go with it

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 19/12/2025 07:48

We do big family holidays (not with parents usually but with our adult siblings and their respective families), we each pay for the accommodation based on how many rooms we require, then food shopping is split the same way - per adult, anyone under 18 is half
price (despite them probably eating more than some adults, but it all comes out in the wash since we always work it out the same) and under 5’s are free. Booze shopping is done separately and split between the people
who drink alcohol.

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/12/2025 07:51

Accomodation pay per room, definitely.

For food, my family usually takes turn to prepare the main meals, so the cost, cooking and cleaning tasks are also easier to distribute. It works well for us at least. We plan on advance (everyone just pick the meals they'll do on a shared agenda).

Then everyone brings a share of the basics like breakfast stuff, alcohol, soft drinks... Usually we brings what our family will have with some extras, and we put everything in common.

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 07:53

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/12/2025 07:51

Accomodation pay per room, definitely.

For food, my family usually takes turn to prepare the main meals, so the cost, cooking and cleaning tasks are also easier to distribute. It works well for us at least. We plan on advance (everyone just pick the meals they'll do on a shared agenda).

Then everyone brings a share of the basics like breakfast stuff, alcohol, soft drinks... Usually we brings what our family will have with some extras, and we put everything in common.

Edited

Food etc I’m not as worried about as I don’t think that would be an issue- if we go out now it’s just each person pays for their own and parents pay for their children, so I can’t see it being any different on a holiday, each family would likely do their own food shop and then we just pool the essentials. It’s more the accommodation that i can see being a sticking point

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 19/12/2025 07:53

I’d go with per bedroom. If cousins are sharing a bedroom they pay for half each.

I’d also expect to split the cost of the parents part between all of the siblings, so I would suggest BEFORE asking your parents, you agree as siblings if the holiday is a gift to them that you all agree to split between you (are there 4 of you, I wasn’t sure how many one siblings with kids you have - but if so, split the parents share 4 ways). It would be different if your parents had suggested a big family holiday for their birthday, but here you’re basically saying “it’s your birthday, I want to go on holiday for it so that will be £1,500 each please” or however much it is! They may well insist on paying for themselves, but if you don’t agree up front with siblings that they are happy to split the cost (and be prepared for the ones with kids to say no as this holiday is already going to cost them a hell of a lot more than it will cost the childless families) you might find it’s a non starter and everyone falls out!

YellowCherry · 19/12/2025 07:56

Per bedroom is definitely fairer than per family.

Or, how about a compromise with a lower rate for the children? Eg 7 bedroom house but divide the total cost into 6. You, your parents and your younger sibling each pay one share and the other two siblings each pay 1.5 shares.

DarkForces · 19/12/2025 07:57

Agree with @Tillow4ever you need to share plans and agree with each sibling individually as some might not be able to afford it or want to join in. Don't forget they'll want to consult with their partners too so you need to build it in. All our holiday budget is allocated next year so there's no way I could cover anything additional.

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 07:58

DarkForces · 19/12/2025 07:57

Agree with @Tillow4ever you need to share plans and agree with each sibling individually as some might not be able to afford it or want to join in. Don't forget they'll want to consult with their partners too so you need to build it in. All our holiday budget is allocated next year so there's no way I could cover anything additional.

It wouldn’t be for next year and I’m not sure why you’re thinking I’ve planned it and booked it and am about to turn round to them and ask for the money? As I said in my post I’m going to suggest it when I’ve got a feel for how costs should be split.

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:01

YellowCherry · 19/12/2025 07:56

Per bedroom is definitely fairer than per family.

Or, how about a compromise with a lower rate for the children? Eg 7 bedroom house but divide the total cost into 6. You, your parents and your younger sibling each pay one share and the other two siblings each pay 1.5 shares.

To be fair if my brothers expected me to essentially pick up the cost of their kids holidays it would be a non starter for me

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:01

YellowCherry · 19/12/2025 07:56

Per bedroom is definitely fairer than per family.

Or, how about a compromise with a lower rate for the children? Eg 7 bedroom house but divide the total cost into 6. You, your parents and your younger sibling each pay one share and the other two siblings each pay 1.5 shares.

To be fair if my brothers expected me to essentially pick up the cost of their kids holidays it would be a non starter for me

OP posts:
Hotchocolateandmarshmellow · 19/12/2025 08:02

I say per room but as the child / teenager that was always put in the living room on a sofa bed that is not the same as a full bedroom. So just a little thing to look out for. It should be by bedroom not number of beds. Having to go to bed late and get up early if your in the living room is not the same as having a bedroom 😂

Im definitely still not bitter about being on the sofa for various holidays years later and shattered when the adults when to bed later but the little kids would wake me up early in the morning.

clarrylove · 19/12/2025 08:07

I'm not so sure about the per bedroom thing. A couple sharing a huge room with ensuite, for example, shouldn't pay the same as a single person in a box room.

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:11

clarrylove · 19/12/2025 08:07

I'm not so sure about the per bedroom thing. A couple sharing a huge room with ensuite, for example, shouldn't pay the same as a single person in a box room.

It just feels the fairest way to do it - a couple will like split it per person, but any other way and it leads to those without kids paying for the kids to go, or paying for the families.

Take for example a villa in Portugal for a week. A seven bed villa is £3,500 (ish). If we pay per bedroom it’s £500 per room. Those with kids would pay £1,000-£1,500 and those without would pay £500.

If we did it per family it’s £875 per family, which would mean that I (for example) would be paying £375 extra which is just going to go straight to the kids room, which feels a little unfair.

Ngl, I might not bother. It seems like such a faff

OP posts:
stichguru · 19/12/2025 08:11

I'd go for initial cost per room, so if children are in parents' rooms then the families pay the same, if children need a separate room, parents have two units of room cost. Then food, again divide the cost by the number of people and add up what each family owes, counting under 8s as halves.

YellowCherry · 19/12/2025 08:11

tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:01

To be fair if my brothers expected me to essentially pick up the cost of their kids holidays it would be a non starter for me

Show quote history

Fair enough OP. In that case I'm not quite sure why you said "I’m a bit split on how we would share the costs"?!

Purlant · 19/12/2025 08:11

clarrylove · 19/12/2025 08:07

I'm not so sure about the per bedroom thing. A couple sharing a huge room with ensuite, for example, shouldn't pay the same as a single person in a box room.

I agree also everyone benefits from a bigger house (which would come with having more bedrooms). I’ve always just spilt the cost between the adults and don’t mind paying a bit extra. There is often not a huge amount of difference renting a place with 6 bedrooms over 5.

I would just agree a cost per adult and find a place to your budget.

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:15

YellowCherry · 19/12/2025 08:11

Fair enough OP. In that case I'm not quite sure why you said "I’m a bit split on how we would share the costs"?!

Show quote history

I’ve just realised it as I’m typing it out and thinking about it more. The only real way to do it is per bedroom isn’t it?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 19/12/2025 08:20

When people book hotels they book per room makes sense to be the same thing

Namechange234567 · 19/12/2025 08:25

I've not voted as I think 'pay per room' is by far the easiest/fairest in most cases. But we've done this a few times when we've done things differently e.g. one family member with kids couldn't afford to come if they had to do that so we split their costs in and another time when a parent had recently had to retire early due to ill health so again we split this into the family (although they could still have afforded it, but were worried about money). For us it's always been about wanting to spend the time together, so we've tried to make it work in the fairest way.

It sounds like there's no need/desire to cover others costs in your case so go with pay per room

Talipesmum · 19/12/2025 08:27

Per bedroom is most sensible. Adjustments tend to get suggested either when not all bedrooms are of similar quality (one tiny box room for single person, vs large master en suite), or when one family / person is a lot less well off than the others and if the holiday is to happen, they need subbing.

DarkForces · 19/12/2025 08:27

Now you've decided that who'll be deciding on location, where you're renting? Allocating which rooms for who (always a bone of contention especially at a flat rate)? What the budget is...?

Original poster
tryingtoplanaholiday · 19/12/2025 08:28

DarkForces · 19/12/2025 08:27

Now you've decided that who'll be deciding on location, where you're renting? Allocating which rooms for who (always a bone of contention especially at a flat rate)? What the budget is...?

Edited

I don’t know yet. The holiday is at least 18 months away, my idea was I texted them all in the new year (less chance of someone getting drunk and spilling the beans at Christmas dinner!) and we came up with a plan then.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 19/12/2025 08:31

Good luck! These are all answers I'd want before agreeing to pay up. Dh and I always get stuck in the shit rooms as we only have 1 child despite the fact she's a teen and shred with a cousin. Pil pay for accommodation as they want everyone there but no way would I be happy stuck in the back room on the kid's corridor while bil and his gf get the en suite with sea view if I was paying the same!

Talipesmum · 19/12/2025 08:31

Oh, and I’d also say - eg if you only needed 7 rooms, but the best place for other reasons actually had 9 rooms, and so the kids spread out a bit because why not, makes bedtimes easier. I think it would be a bit harsh to ask the families to pay for 3 rooms each, if they’d have been happy with two rooms. Sometimes when it’s not hotel rooms, you can’t get the perfect number of rooms, and it’d be better to think about each persons cost limits before someone gets carried away and pushes for a v large fancy place!

I do think it sounds like a great idea though OP and it’s worth suggesting, plus you’ve given plenty of notice. See what people think!