To ask how you split costs on a big family holiday?

[tryingtoplanaholiday]

My mum and dad both have big birthdays coming up so I want to suggest that we go on a big family holiday with the whole family. (This will likely be in 2027, to give everyone time to save)

I haven’t suggested it yet because I’m a bit split on how we would share the costs.

Our family is as follows

parents, me, a younger sibling (both me and my younger sibling are single, no children), and my older siblings who are each married with two children a piece.

We would likely end up needing 7 or 8 bedrooms (depending on which children would be happy to share), so how is it split? Is it an even split per family, which would mean my brother and I end up paying huge chunk more because of the extra bedrooms, or is it per bedroom? So i would pay for one bedroom of the accommodation and the families using two pay for two?

I want to have it laid out before i suggest it because otherwise i can see it being absolute chaos.

YABU - everyone pays an equal split. It’s a family holiday and it shouldn’t be unequal.

YANBU - you should pay per bedroom

Yes per room. Also do you definitely think everyone will want a villa type holiday or would they possibly prefer hotel or cruise? (Hotel or cruise makes things easier as you’d all book what you need, just ask for rooms to be next to each other and then any discount for large group booking to be split between you all)

Other thing to consider- many villa company packages often have “free kids place” - essentially you don’t pay for one of the kids flights if the right number of adults are booking. Have a think about how that discount would be applied to “everyone pays for their own flights” rule. (I’d say any free kids flights were knocked off the bill of flights for the two brothers with dcs, not one of them get a free flight and the other pays full price for their dc - some people may want all flight costs then divided by the people flying, meaning the child-free people get a discount as part of the free child place.)

To be fair in terms of rooms this is where we luck out. We have a family friend who is a travel agent and manages to get us perfect accommodation every time

I wonder if it would be easier to choose an all inclusive hotel or a cruise instead, with each family paying their own way.

A cruise would be ideal as you can book whatever level of accommodation you prefer, all food costs are included, and can add on drink package if you want. Saves a lot of headache!

Honestly, I think big group holiday which starts with "I want to have it laid out before i suggest it because otherwise i can see it being absolute chaos" is a recipie for disaster.

My favourite group holidays are where we all head for the same place but everyone organises their own accomodation.

That’s not really a family holiday then?

We’re definitely not a cruise family!

Without wanting to seem like I’m poo pooing your idea, I get along with my family but I would not have wanted to use up my holidays going on a trip with them when I had family of my own. Holidays with younger kids tended to cater for them in some way. Activities, kids club etc. Of course I’d want to celebrate big milestones though, but an actual holiday? No. I would sound out my older siblings a little more before investing too much thought into this.

I Would book a hotel then you each choose the rooms you want and have your own space if you need it- you and your 1 sibling could even share a split bed room/ apartment.

Go all inclusive and even better.

I've done lots of these trips with family and friends. We might all be in the same hotel or we might all be in the same apartment complex, or half a mile apart in the City Centre. We spend most of our time as a group, but it gives families and couples some privacy and children somewhere to go if it's all getting a bit much.

I think if you're worried about how to split costs before even booking, the trip's unlikely to be a success. It can only work when no one really cares if it's not exactly "fair".

If you're concerned about how to split accomodation costs, what's it going to be like when brother drinks all the wine, or one of the DC likes 3 bowls of cereal?

Exactly this.

Definitely not per family!

Would paying double be a barrier for your siblings with children being able to attend?

Hmm. What is a family holidays then? Are you going to insist everyone does everything together...?Honestly, a bit of space is a good thing if you want to be still speaking to each other at the end.

No way would I expect a single sibling with no kids to pay 1 share while I paid 1.5 for 2 adults, 2 kids, 2 rooms!

I think she was saying that even per bedroom can be unfair on the singles if you are expected to take small crap rooms vs the big bedrooms with ensuites for the couples. If you get similar rooms then by bedroom works.

I can see how this makes it easier in some ways, but I’m with the OP all the way - staying in a large villa feels like we’re all together and we have large shared spaces to all hang out together, that’s the point of the holiday as far as we’re concerned. When sometimes we’re all away somewhere and it’s hotel rooms (eg staying somewhere for a family wedding) it’s much more inconvenient to meet up, walking down corridors and knocking on doors and sitting on beds and chatting in their more personal space, or trying to commandeer a corner of the lobby or lounge area. Nowhere near as nice as all having a big living room and kitchen where you can all spend time together. But it depends what you’re all aiming for - for us, we all live far away from each other, so the main point of the holiday is to all hang out together. If the main point of the holiday was eg being at the water park, then a hotel would probably be fine!

eta - probably helps that we’re all extremely easy going including partners, and don’t ever get wound up by staying in the same place! Having our own rooms to retreat to is plenty, plus we’re good at knowing who tends to like to head off by themselves and nobody minds.

Definitely not.

We have rented the large house for holidays for all the family. We just divided the cost between families and my parents didn't pay.
As families got bigger, we ended up switching to a few apartments rented by each family instead. While it meant more adults were needed for babysitting any night we went out, it also had the benefit of everyone not feeling like we had to spend every minute together. I would advise going with this option.

Just do it “per bedroom” .. I don’t know why it needs to be such a drama.

Personally, I don’t mind paying extra towards my nieces and nephews holiday, it’s all “family” and I’m just glad to see them having a good time. That’s my choice though, and not for everyone.

Go to a hotel, let every family book their own holiday.

It would depend on the accommodation. Splitting by room is fine if all rooms are equal. But you have to make sure there are enough large bedrooms for everyone! Otherwise the couples/families tend to get a bigger room with ensuite. In that situation it isn't fair for the single person to pay the same for their little single bed as the couple is paying for their super king - if that is the case it should maybe be split per person rather than per room.

So per bedroom yes and whoever is using that bedroom pays for it (so if there’s a kids room with bunks it’s split by 4 or whatever). I think the only thing that gets a bit tricky is if a bedroom is really a living room with couches to sleep on or if there’s an ensuite master bedroom etc. We used to go away with a big group for Hogmanay and the single rooms tended to be like maids’ quarters and the couples would have these palatial en-suites and it was quite unfair for my single friends as they were paying the same as us and we were splitting it.

Assuming everyone wants to be in the same accommodation the best bet is costs per bedroom. You may have to consider if the bedrooms are equal (eg- en suites, balconies etc and whether people care about that)
people pay their own travel and then a shared ‘pot’ for food. If you’re eating out then each family pays their own.
id sound them all out first. You may find that some aren’t keen or that you need to narrow down timings etc.

I've done loads of big family holidays and big friend group holidays with kids and adults.
You pay per person including kids. Not bedroom. Because if you find a house with bunk beds and then two rooms with single beds....you're paying more if you get the single beds. Madness. The exception is a baby in a cot. If they don't need a bed they don't count. Once they need a bed they count.

You just do total price divided by person.

And don't assume the food shop will be fine. You need to plan meals for a family event. Otherwise everyone will turn up with 8 pints of milk and bread and you won't have what you need and way too much basics. It doesn't have to be ott, just Friday night pizza and pasta, agree what constitutes breakfast food and snacks kids like. We usually do a roast one day and a chilli/curry another night. Saves lots of time and energy on the holiday plus no one can say, well I didn't know what we were doing about tea etc.

An ideal way is to either do an online shop and get people to request specific items they need and class as essential plus do a meal plan you all agree, along with a loose discussion over who's taking charge of what cooking. Sounds daft but wait til you're on the third day of cooking breakfast for the kids and you'll wish you'd have a very quick chat about it.

Do the online shop and get it delivered to the house the first night. We never differentiate between adults and kids because we don't buy booze (thats byo) but we do buy things just for the kids ;that only they eat. Having done this for up to 18 people, it's never more than £30 pp for 3 days food.

Sorry to post again but get a house with a bed for everyone. Don't go for anything less. It's honestly not worth it. If everyone has a bed, they all pay and they all get space to sleep. I'm seeing posts saying per bedroom but unless the configuration of the house matches your exact needs then you will end up with someone unhappy.
Get the right number of beds and split per person.

Going to go slightly against the grain here but it does also depend on financial situation. In our family, when we did this, we each paid an equal share even though my family took more rooms, because I'm an SP (so one income) with two dependents whereas the others were double income and no kids. We couldn't have gone if they wanted me to pay more than a third of the overall cost and the point was all to be together so they were generous enough sub my kids / me. I'm not saying it has to be like that but it's worth keeping an eye on why you're doing it. Is it to have a holiday or to all be together?