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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my 2 year old to her own room?

43 replies

graygoose · 19/12/2025 02:10

I'm a single mum and long story short my mum lives with me as she doesn't want to live with my dad anymore, who lives down the road (5 minute walk). I'm very lucky and very grateful that I have their help, but my mum doesn't actively care for my DD that much though she is great with her.

DD has been sleeping in my room all her life, first in a bassinet and then straight to a small IKEA toddler bed (she always hated a crib, refused to get in it so I went with her preference and she's fine in the little bed).

I have a spare room in the house that I've now converted into her bedroom. I put a lot of time and effort into it and I bought her a new big girl bed, probably mistakenly, because her dad (ex-DH) visits and sometimes overnights with her and the bed as a trundle bed for him underneath.

Last night DD refused to sleep in her new bed and slept in her little in my room as usual. She loves her room but won't yet sleep there.

This morning I moved her IKEA bed into her new room next to the big girl bed as a transition. My mother said I was making a mistake and it just hit me hard. I feel like everything I do as a parent is a mistake to her. She also accused me of rushing the transition because I want my new partner to stay over in my bed.

I genuinely don't. I would never have someone overnight in my house unless we had been together for a very long time and there were many steps before that. DP hasn't even met DD, and the implication that I am rushing my daughter's development for a man is extremely hurtful.

Truthfully, I just want my room to myself again. I want to be able to shower in my ensuite without waking her up, read with the lamp on, potter around without having to worry about waking her up. I need space to myself again, nowhere near a man!

Anyway, mum still thinks I'm rushing and says she's "taking DD's side" (a 2 year old).

This turned into a long rant so apologies, but I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not a shit mum just for trying to transition DD into her own room by moving her bed there.

OP posts:
Frogbear · 19/12/2025 02:15

I’m very much against the idea of sending small children to their own rooms just because society tells us we should. It’s very natural for children to want to sleep close to their caregivers and to feel safe.

So with that context, I believe 2.5-3 is the earliest a child so go to their own rooms.

I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing. Your responding to your child’s needs by letting her sleep in your room when she wants to, but also helping her to transition to her own room.

Sounds like you’re doing a great job!

YankSplaining · 19/12/2025 03:22

You’re not doing anything wrong at all. Of course you need some space to yourself.

Eenameenadeeka · 19/12/2025 03:48

None of mine were actually ready to be in their own rooms at that age, although I did try. You are her Mum, and it's not really up to your Mum to tell you what you're doing is wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting your space and to use your room so long as your child is happy with the transition.

SareBear87 · 19/12/2025 04:30

YANBU I totally get your reasoning.
My DD1 slept with me until she was 1, then I went back to work and needed space - mentally and physically. We spent 2 years trying to get her to sleep in her own room (she would sneak into bed with me in the middle of the night). My DH would loose his rag with her and I would end up in tears filled with guilt. I wish I’d stuck to my guns and left her with me - but I think that would have broken me as she’s a very poor sleeper. Only recently has this stopped as she’s now of an age where she’s realised she can decorate her own space, have her own toys around, put her own pictures on the walls and play in her own space. She now loves her room and is sleeping better than ever!
With DD2 I said I would never go through that fight again but she doesn’t seem to care where she sleeps so I suspect it won’t be an issue 😆
You do what feels right. You know her better than anyone else. I’ve always made sure that my bedroom door is open and they know where I am if needed. If they have nightmares/need a cuddle I’ve never gotten angry and they’re free to come get me

Zanatdy · 19/12/2025 04:32

You’

Snorlaxo · 19/12/2025 04:35

Stop discussing this with your mum! I understand that you’re a single parent so might not have another adult to discuss stuff like this with but it sounds like she is not the supportive type so she’s not very helpful as a sounding board.

What you tried is fine imo. My kids had sleeping issues and I was a single mum so the time after they went to bed was very important for my MH.

AorticValve · 19/12/2025 04:36

Sounds like your mum should look for somewhere else to live.

Tamtim · 19/12/2025 04:41

You are doing what’s right for you and your daughter. Sod what your mother says or thinks. If she can’t keep her opinions to herself, she can find somewhere else to live! Your child, your home, yours decision. Good luck, I hope your little one does well with the transition. 😊

Farticus101 · 19/12/2025 05:08

It is totally understandable to want your own space and you are definitely not being unreasonable. Transitions are difficult for children but they get there eventually given time and love and support.

Your mum made quite an unkind and unnecessary comment there. Is she anxious about her own position in the house if a partner eventually moved in?

Wallywobbles · 19/12/2025 05:15

My kids never slept with me. Or at least they always started the night in their own rooms. When they were diddy and in a cot I’d go into their rooms and I had a single bed I could sleep in in the babies room.
You do what works for you.

I’d suggest setting some boundaries with your mum and ask her to only give advice when asked for. And if she doesn’t like it then she has options. One of them is living in her own place.

Devilsmommy · 19/12/2025 05:30

Mine was in his own room from 4 months. Never co slept. Your mom needs to mind her own business. Of course you need space for just you

Hufflemuff · 19/12/2025 05:49

Mine went into their own rooms at 4/5 months old. Tell your Mum to move out, its none of her business and frankly, whether your motivation is doing it to have a boyfriend stay over or not, is none of her business either!

MeAndTheDoggo · 19/12/2025 05:49

You’re not unreasonable, your mum isn’t her mum, you are and you’re the boss. This is your decision and wherever you go with it your daughter will be fine. With your daughter regressing back to being in your room, it’s an exciting time of year with lots of change and excitement, even if she doesn’t understand it (depending on whether she’s closer to 2 or 3). Could this be part of it, just a bit overwhelmed so going back a bit? If she’s closer to 3 could you try a Pom Pom jar? And when she’s filled the jar have a treat?

TheSandgroper · 19/12/2025 05:51

Dd couldn’t fit in my bedroom so always slept away from me. She did fine.

When we put a big bed in her room, she took a couple of weeks to transition properly. It feels difficult, smells different and sounds different. Putting her bed into the new room with the new bed also in there seems to me to be quite sensible. Dd can take it step by step all at her own pace.

Friendlyfart · 19/12/2025 06:31

My DC went in to their own rooms as babies. DD was maybe 8 weeks - we kept DS in for longer as he was more vulnerable (we moved the cot in after the moses basket), so maybe at 4/5 months? Obviously we used a baby monitor. This was in the early 2000s.
DD moved to a toddler bed when DS needed her cot so aged 2, plus moved rooms again so DS had the nursery.
i think what you’re doing is fine. We all need our own space really.

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/12/2025 06:46

Your mum has no say in this, and if it was me I'd make very clear that if she can't keep her critics for herself, she can start looking for her own accommodation...

We moved our children to their room around 6 months, so personally I think its the right thing to do.
We had varying level of success, my eldest was a good sleeper and we had no issue. But we had a lot of back and forth with the youngest between her room and co-sleeping. It took a lot of time and effort to get her to stay in her room most nights.

I think it's ok to try things out like your doing, any change you bring at that age will be difficult to implement, so you might have to try a few things until you find a way that works for her.

It will be even harder if you have someone in your house criticising everything you do...

TheBirdintheCave · 19/12/2025 06:54

Devilsmommy · 19/12/2025 05:30

Mine was in his own room from 4 months. Never co slept. Your mom needs to mind her own business. Of course you need space for just you

Yep, same. Our son outgrew his bassinet at four months and the cot didn’t fit in our tiny bedroom so we had no choice. Daughter was six months and then she moved into her brother’s bedroom. I can’t imagine sharing a bedroom with them for longer than that, we all sleep far better separately.

passthebiscuittins · 19/12/2025 07:23

Your mum is the issue here, not you.

Original poster
graygoose · 19/12/2025 07:26

Thanks everyone for your replies and support! Feeling less like a shit mum and more like a long suffering daughter, but the latter I can handle!

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 19/12/2025 07:35

TheBirdintheCave · 19/12/2025 06:54

Yep, same. Our son outgrew his bassinet at four months and the cot didn’t fit in our tiny bedroom so we had no choice. Daughter was six months and then she moved into her brother’s bedroom. I can’t imagine sharing a bedroom with them for longer than that, we all sleep far better separately.

Show quote history

I honestly couldn't imagine having to sleep with my 3 year old in my bed every night. I'd get zero rest because my DS travels a lot in his sleep 😂

ScreamingInfidelities · 19/12/2025 07:38

graygoose · 19/12/2025 07:26

Thanks everyone for your replies and support! Feeling less like a shit mum and more like a long suffering daughter, but the latter I can handle!

But why should you have to handle it in YOUR house? Tell your mum to fuck off home.

TheChosenTwo · 19/12/2025 07:44

You are the parent here, not your mum.
She doesn’t get to make these decisions, you do.
Maybe it’s time for her to go back home again?
All of our dc were in their own rooms from 6 months, we all slept much better. They all slept through at about a year old and other than periods of illness they were never up in the night beyond that. Best decision we could have made for them and us.
Of course you want your own space, it’s fine.

Tammygirl12 · 19/12/2025 07:48

Your mum needs to live somewhere else. You can’t have her breathing down your neck like this

YourZippyHare · 19/12/2025 07:49

I think this is one of those where... you're the parent, you make the call. There is nothing wrong, objectively, with what you are doing.

MrsMuggin · 19/12/2025 07:56

I think wanting to sleep in your own space after TWO YEARS of sharing is perfectly acceptable. Your daughter will probably need help with the transition though as she's adapting to a new room aswell as you not being in with her. Our kids were moved to their own room between 1 and 2 years old, but we had it set up so that we had space to sleep in their room if they asked us, then snuck back to our bed when they were asleep. Oldest was 5 before he completely stopped asking for a parent in with him at night, youngest was 3.