To move my 2 year old to her own room?

[graygoose]

I'm a single mum and long story short my mum lives with me as she doesn't want to live with my dad anymore, who lives down the road (5 minute walk). I'm very lucky and very grateful that I have their help, but my mum doesn't actively care for my DD that much though she is great with her.

DD has been sleeping in my room all her life, first in a bassinet and then straight to a small IKEA toddler bed (she always hated a crib, refused to get in it so I went with her preference and she's fine in the little bed).

I have a spare room in the house that I've now converted into her bedroom. I put a lot of time and effort into it and I bought her a new big girl bed, probably mistakenly, because her dad (ex-DH) visits and sometimes overnights with her and the bed as a trundle bed for him underneath.

Last night DD refused to sleep in her new bed and slept in her little in my room as usual. She loves her room but won't yet sleep there.

This morning I moved her IKEA bed into her new room next to the big girl bed as a transition. My mother said I was making a mistake and it just hit me hard. I feel like everything I do as a parent is a mistake to her. She also accused me of rushing the transition because I want my new partner to stay over in my bed.

I genuinely don't. I would never have someone overnight in my house unless we had been together for a very long time and there were many steps before that. DP hasn't even met DD, and the implication that I am rushing my daughter's development for a man is extremely hurtful.

Truthfully, I just want my room to myself again. I want to be able to shower in my ensuite without waking her up, read with the lamp on, potter around without having to worry about waking her up. I need space to myself again, nowhere near a man!

Anyway, mum still thinks I'm rushing and says she's "taking DD's side" (a 2 year old).

This turned into a long rant so apologies, but I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not a shit mum just for trying to transition DD into her own room by moving her bed there.

You’re definitely not a shit parent for needing tire space

Ignore your mum. You're doing absolutely fine. The only thing I will say is that both of mine at the age of about 3 - if they woke up in the middle of the night would come and climb into my bed with me and anecdotally from what other parents I know have said it seems quite common at about age 3 - whilst you start the night alone it might not stay that way until morning (depending on whether you move them back or not) so it might take a while. Eldest grew out of it, youngest is still 3. Separate room is fine you're doing great!

You are being completely reasonable

I would very firmly shut your mum down on this.

I'd also give her some childcare tasks, if she's in your house, it's the least she can do.

You are totally right and ignore your mum.

There’s gonna be 2 types of people op - the camp of oh we keep them in our room for year s and the ones who moved them early

my 2 were gone by 5 months into own room

they now share a room at 4 & 1.5 - I need my own space tbh too - our flat is small only one living / kitchen space and loads of evenings husband and I want to do our own thing so the bedroom is our only second space.

could you try sleeping in her new room with her for a while then eventually gradually move out over time it’s not gonna instantly work - but you’ll get there if you work on it

Many many people have houses where even the main bedroom doesn't have room for another bed. My kids played musical beds for a long time, but they started the night in their own beds from about 18 months. Often ended up in with me, but that was fine. Now I live in a house so tiny that I can't even get a full big double bed in my room, there certainly isn't room for another human in apart from me, so if my children were little now they would HAVE to stay in their own beds.

Your DD is just objecting to the change, OP. She will gradually get more and more used to sleeping in her own room and she will enjoy having her own space as much as you do. And your mum needs to keep it zipped - not her child, not her house!

My eldest went into her own room in a cot at 8 months and my youngest went at 6 months. We used a baby monitor to check on them. We never co-slept and neither of them asked to sleep with us or stay in our room when they got older.

So I think it sounds fine - you could use a baby monitor to keep an eye on her.

DS slept with us until he was 4, DD1 slept with us until she was 6 months and DD2 slept with us until she was 8 months. It’s what’s right for the child and you, not what’s right for your mum. If her being in your house is making you feel like a shit mum then it’s time for her to go

Haha my five year old wakes up naked with the blankets here there and everywhere. I’m so grateful he’s never been interested in sleeping with us.

You're the mum, it's your decision. It's perfectly fine for you to want space to yourself. It's not like she's 2 months old. I think she will need help with the transition, could you aim to start with her falling asleep in there, but have a back up bed in your room so she can move over? Then gradually try and increase the time she sleeps in her own room? Also spend time in her room / bed during the day so she is familiar there and sees it as a safe space. Mine went in her own room about 7 months as we kept waking her up, she usually comes in our bed at some point (she's 14 months now) but always starts in her room.

Given her mum lives with her, I can’t imagine it’s that the OP is discussing it with her - I imagine the mum is seeing it happen and sticking her oar in!

YANBU, your mum is being really weird. Most people move their baby to their own room around 6m, often leading to better sleep for both (and following the safe sleep guidance which is to have them in your room in their own safe sleep space for the first 6m). She's just grabbing anything to use and pick at you with it seems. Pay no mind. Your daughter could have moved 18m ago and it'd still have been absolutely fine!

My kids always slept in their own rooms, never in with me.
Think two is very reasonable and you may be waiting years if you let her decide.
@Frogbeardo you have sex with your husband with your child in the room?

That was my first thought!

Not sure why that is any of your business and what a weird thought process to think about a stranger’s sex life in response to this thread… Literally nothing in my post even mentioned sex.

But to answer your question, we have more than one bedroom in our house and keeping our child in my room does not make us some sort of sick abusive parents.

I know MNers can be judgmental but asking about my sex life really is quite the leap.

How are you doing now, @graygoose ? Sorry to wake up an old thread but this came up as a "similar" suggestion and I was curious about whether all this guy resolved!

Hi - yes it did! She took to her own room really well, I was quite surprised. She was ready for her own space but also young enough not to resist too much if that makes sense. There were a couple of nights of adjustment but it’s been great ever since. And I proved my mother wrong, my 2.5 year old has not been abused by having her own room lol

Mine were both in own rooms from around when they stopped breastfeeding at night. 6m for DS, about 8/9m for DD. They are fine & sleep well. I slept in with them if they were ill etc.