Alexa

[BassBug]

My 17yo daughter has been gifted Alexa for her birthday today by her mum (ex wife) . I'm livid because nobody asked me if it was OK. I don't want Alexa in my house and I don't know what to do next. My daughter lives with me. Her mum and I are divorced but we have a good relationship as friends.

Im sure you’ll call me naive but I genuinely don’t understand that even if an Alexa is listening to every word I say what use this is going to be to anyone? I doubt very much there’s someone hanging on my every word regarding what’s for dinner tonight. If it picks up my shopping habits I’m really not bothered. It might even suggest something useful. I can tell my phone is doing this but I really am not worried . There must be millions of Alexa’s in the UK alone, I’m pretty sure someone’s not listening to every word.

when I'm concerned with strangers possibly hacking into tech owned by an already vulnerable child

That's an interesting take. Do you have examples of this, or case studies of where this has happened, or indeed personal experience (if you feel comfortable sharing). (I'm not being disingenuous btw, I am genuinely curious).

I don't need those things. For example - I used to build custom bikes. My vision was always the same - strip anything that I don't need. Bike should be seat, fuel tank, frame and tyres. Not windshield, luggage boxes etc etc. I love the functionality that evolves around simplicity. Anything else is just surplus to requirements. I don't have a microwave, tumble dryer etc etc. I have a stove and a saucepan and a washing line.

Hence the present

Yes. That’s why I’m asking. I’m not really sure I buy into the “she’s listening” stuff. We used to laugh about that in the 90s saying the government were listening to our phone conversations. Still looking for a valid reason as to why Alexa is bad.

What present? You think my ex did it to p*ss me off? Not her style

Go read other Alexa threads on Mumsnet. My daughter thinks there are things in her room anyway like people sat on the floor watching her and whispering and if Alexa starts saying stuff in the night then it will cause an almighty meltdown. She also has an ex who hacked her phone and laptop.

This i love alexa and have them in every room but she's not the sharpest pencil in the box and definitely has a hearing problem.

Can you not just make it clear to your daughter that it is only to be plugged in when in use and after it’s unplugged?

No you are right, I mean who actually cares about shopping But consider that it is listening all the time. To personal information it can put together for passwords or username. Or when you will be away on holiday for example. It isn't the mundane things that are really concerning, it is the ability for hackers to gain personal information and collect it together for ill gain. When JLR was hacked for example it had millions or 'pings' (as most companies do each month) and found a way in. These pings are happening to all of us all the time. Most people are sophisticated in their passwords - pet, favourite team, favourite place for example and these are the pieces of the puzzle you are inadvertently giving hackers. Large companies and their data (especially what they know about you) are hacked all the time. That's why it's not a good idea.

For example: The FTC’s investigation into Amazon revealed that the company kept children’s voice recordings permanently, even after parents requested deletion. This violation of privacy laws resulted in a $25 million fine and exposed how Amazon prioritizes data collection over user privacy.

The device also collects metadata about your usage patterns, including when you’re home, what rooms you frequent, and your daily routines. This behavioral data creates detailed profiles that Amazon uses for targeted advertising and potential sharing with third parties.

Amazon’s data hunger extends far beyond voice recordings, encompassing a comprehensive surveillance network that tracks multiple aspects of your life. Surfshark’s 2024 privacy study revealed that Alexa collects sensitive data on 28 out of 32 possible data points, including personal information, location data, and behavioral patterns.
The scope of data collection includes your address, contact lists, purchase history, music preferences, smart home device usage, and even photos when connected to compatible cameras. This information creates an incredibly detailed profile of your personal life and habits.
Amazon recently removed privacy settings that allowed users to process Alexa requests locally, forcing all voice data to be sent to their cloud servers. This change eliminates user choice and ensures that every interaction with your device is monitored and stored by Amazon. Third-party developers who create Alexa skills also gain access to user data, expanding the number of companies that can collect and potentially misuse your personal information. Many users remain unaware of how extensively their data is shared across Amazon’s ecosystem.

Multiple security vulnerabilities have been discovered in Alexa devices that could allow hackers to remotely access your device, listen to conversations, or use your Echo as an entry point to attack other devices on your network.

And so on......

Why can’t your daughter have an Alexa? Why do your choices have to be inflicted on her?

I’m with you on microwaves btw!

I’m a veggie but I let my kids eat meat. We aren’t the same person.

I've just told alexa I've murdered someone if the police come knocking at my door I'll let you know

I'm HFAU and my daughter is ADHD. I don't cope well with change especially when it comes to my safe space which is my home. It's more of a case of OK, so you have introduced something that makes me feel uncomfortable and stressed so don't be surprised when I hide away more than I already do.

You need to get a grip. You are her parent. This is manipulative.

I understand the struggles with change. I am autistic too. Change is inevitable and your home is also your daughters home.

Being autistic comes with challenges but it isn't an excuse to be manipulative. You are saying that if your daughter wants the same level of engagement from you as a parent she can't have the Alexa, in inverse by saying fine you can have the Alexa but I will be rescinding my presence and making the atmosphere soured.

We had a talk from our GDPR trainers a few years back and none of them would have an Alexa type thing in their houses, made me think.

Its mainly because he is he

If he were a she, it would be all 'oh I bet he got that on purpose knowing how uncomfortable you are with it, he is still trying to control you OP'

"Alexa announce it is dinner time" "Alexa announce it is bedtime" absolute game changer. My sons on the third floor so it's super handy to be able to shout up without literally shouting lol.

No, what I'm saying is that I won't feel comfortable communicating with her or anyone else in the same room as Alexa. She has come to me and we've spoken and I gave her a lift somewhere this evening. I don't see how not wanting to communicate around Alexa is being manipulative. The whole point of my OP was am I being unreasonable feeling the way I do because nobody discussed anything with me. It would be no different if someone gave her a kitten or puppy without asking me.
I have genuine concerns about Ai, virtual assistants etc and I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.
I've had 2 years of chaos with my daughter and I'm trying my best to learn as much as I can about supporting a child with ADHD and it feels like we've reached a pretty good point. I've had stalker, abusive boyfriend living here, police and social services involved (I requested that) and I'm trying my best to help her to heal. BF hacked her phone, laptop changed passwords to all her accounts etc. He has been arrested etc and it all ended this time last year. At the time she was hearing voices and sounds in the night that would scare her and it could have been him playing stuff through a Bluetooth speaker so one of the things that concerns me about Alexa etc is if the thing gets hacked or it starts saying random shit in the night it could take her right back to the situation again and undo all the trauma stuff she's been working through.

Well that's a massive drip feed, but you have framed all of your posts about your discomfort rather than her safety.

Nobody is unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable about the double edged sword that is technological progression, but it's your job as her parent to teach her about cyber safety and security, and it is her choice as a young adult to take those risks.

You didn't say, I'm uncomfortable about this I accept I have my own limitations how can we make this work, you said don't be surprised when I hide away because I am uncomfortable. That is manipulation. It is an ultimatum and you're not going to achieve anything except pushing her away with an ultimatum. You do the same with friends, you will only visit friends with Alexa if you can go outside. That isn't about protecting your daughter, and it's a bit extreme.

If all you want is validation that you're right, she's wrong, you're big, she's small and there's nothing she can do about it then sure. It's your way or the highway. Sure.

Why was her boyfriend living with you when she was what, 16? (I assume this was before you knew he was abusive, but it's still too young!)

And then some 🫡

He got invited to Christmas day at my ex wife's house because that's where we did Christmas. They split up just before Christmas and then grandad got taken into hospital where he passed away. My ex and my two daughters were at his bedside over Christmas and so Christmas got cancelled and BF was uninvited anyway. He ended up staying at mine and I cooked Christmas Dinner for us two. But he wouldn't leave and I had real problems chucking him out because I'm disabled because of the accident. So Christmas got cancelled last year and none of us are feeling it this year. It's a long story but she would freak out if he wasn't here and social services said not to try to split them up because they had a history of running away.

The government couldn’t give one flying fuck about you.

He knows that. That's why the final sentence says that posters are focusing wrongly on government listening in, when actually he's worrying about something else.
OP, people are clearly split on Alexa. You have concerns around it for privacy and safeguarding reasons, so you need to go with your feelings based on your more detailed knowledge of both.
You've clearly had a difficult time and have a lot to deal with. I wish you all the best.

You do realise this isn’t normal for her to think this? Do you think she could benefit from speaking to her GP about this?

CAMHS are aware but the waiting list for a diagnosis is very long and she has around 2 more years to wait. It's a horrible situation for her to be in. I'm just trying to work on helping her as much as I can.