Sanctimonious card non-senders

[SoldTheMovieRights]

If you don't want to send Christmas cards, because you can't be arsed/ think it's bad for the environment/ just don't fancy it/ find it meaningless, absolutely fine.

But please don't go on social media declaring that the reason you're not doing it is so you can give to charity, and act all holier than thou about it.

Especially if you're constantly showing off your spending on nights out, clothes etc, so maybe some of that could be used for charity donations, and you're definitely affluent enough to afford a few stamps as well as a couple of quid to Save the Children.

I’m ill in bed following surgery. I’m not allowed to shop or meet up with people currently. I have donated a significant sum (for me) to a healthcare charity and sent a text to each friend explaining that I did so. I don’t have a Facebook account and I have not told anyone how much I donated. But now I feel like I’ve committed an awful faux pas.

edit to add: obviously the text is a happy Christmas message, not just telling them I gave money away!

I send 3 each year, so I wouldn't be giving much to charity anyway if I didn't send them. DH reckons he has 5 to do but he hasn't done them yet, they will probably still sitting there at Christmas

I have 2 friends who do this.

One I totally respect, she had health problems and not much £ to spare, and what she did have she preferred to donate to a relevant cause. I asked her whether she wanted me to still send her a card (which I wanted to do) or whether she also didn't want to receive cards.

The other is head teacher of a private school, her husband is medical consultant. They live in a huge house. The 'donate to chartity' phrase had me variously wanting to send a card that said "I sent you this to pass on my good wishes, and to let you know that i also donate to charity" or wanting to ask exactly how much extra they were donating (and whether they were claining back the tax on charitable donations). OR just striking them off my card list without discussion to feel like a minor act of rebellion. Apart from this they are quite good friends.

I wonder if this started when a lot of the cards became charity cards. Feel virtuous about sending this WHSmith card with a tiny percentage going to X charity.

Then people who weren’t sending cards for whatever reason thought they might not just be seen as tight, thinking about how the environment or too poor for postage but also begrudging giving to charity. So tell people you are actually giving to charity.

I get annoyed by it. I don’t see how one equates to the other. I give to charity and I send cards to loved ones. I also don’t understand that if you have to give something up in order to donate to charity that you choose the thing that shows your love to other people instead of say your Christmas booze money, or dialling back the Christmas cheese spends.

I wish those posts didn’t annoy me as much as they do and they aren’t even people who are on my Christmas list! If someone on my list doesn’t want to do cards anymore, that’s fine. I don’t need a faux charity excuse with it.

Totally agree. Send cards or don't, I don't care

But the people I know who sanctimoniously declare they're giving to charity instead? (1) they could well afford to do both (2) I'd have more respect if they asked people not to send them gifts!

Does anyone do that these days? People barely write statuses on my social media any more, it’s just photos, not opinions or announcements.

People announce on here they do it, if there is a card thread.

Yes, one on my Facebook feed today.

Old school.

Not seen this. But who cares? Just let people do what they want to do.

I am not sending Christmas cards because I am too disorganised and because the post is way too expensive these days. And I believe that is the same for a lot of people - so yeah - stop pretending it’s some big environmental thing going and just own the disorganisation and meanness (in my case).

Agreed. I’ve given up on cards but only because it’s expensive and the tradition in my view has had it’s day. In Victorian times it was often the only way to wish folk a Merry Xmas… these days we can email, text, face time, use any method of social media etc. Hardly received any cards this year but do appreciate those who do and those who don’t will still be getting a present if inner circle, scratchcard if not and if on periphery will be getting an e-message. No need for sanctimonious announcements on socials…

Some of you sound really weird. Why do you care who sends cards?

Yes, I think you've explained why it aggravates me.

It's a bit like posting 'please don't expect a cuppa when you come round next, I'm donating the money I would have spent on tea bags for visitors to charity. I will, of course, continue buying tea for myself.'

We don't. HTH

Just delete your social media accounts and the idiots go away.

I've never posted on social media but I'll admit I once sent a generic message round saying this years ago. Someone sent it to me and I thought it was a good idea! I think for me it was just the opportunity to stop doing something I didn't like doing without offending anyone/a way to justify this.

Now I just don't send cards in general and don't give an explanation as I think there's a general acceptance that a lot of people dont do it anymore. I do still send to my elderly relatives as I know they appreciate them and I have no issues with people who like sending/receiving cards.

I'll still send them as long as friends are still alive, or I am! Something nice about it, writing them out, little note in each one and wishing folk well.

But, same as last year, we haven't had any delivered, nobody likes us... lol, but I like to think that they've been binned by the postman along with doctor letters etc, as we don't get any post for pretty much the whole of December. Am overdue a consultants letter and bill by 3 weeks already. We don't even get backlog post in January, so pretty much sure they're thrown away by Royal Mail.

Yep the charity angle is deffo all bullshit.

They are either lazy fuckers who cba sending Grandma Carol a card (but will certainly make the effort once she pops her clogs and they sniff out a will) or they’re tight scrooges who resent the cost of a stamp but will happily pay some modern day slave £45 for ‘Christmas nails’.

Yanbu.

@Netcurtainnellybecause that’s not the relationship I have with many of the people I send cards to. I write a little note with the years highlights or any big news, wish them a happy Christmas. I don’t need a phone call but a thinking of you is nice. I love getting cards.

Charity cards have been around in earnest 20-30 years? May even be longer, deffo since I was a teen anyway :-)

Having spent years writing around 150 Christmas cards each year it's now become a chore so I don't send any apart from to immediate family. I don't post about it on social media but send a little text message wishing whoever a Merry Christmas

Cor, you're popular! 😀

Because not everyone is that relevant in your life now.

The point of cards to people you never talk to anymore is acknowledging their place in your life and thanking them by wishing them well.