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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disgusted by murder-suicide reporting?

159 replies

FuckOffWithYourEllipses · 17/12/2025 17:11

Same old story. Elderly man struggling to cope with caring for his ill wife. Violently murders her - battery and strangulation in this case - then kills himself. And the media report it as a mercy killing.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15392635/Retired-salesman-dead-ill-wife-800k-seaside-home-Huntingdons-mercy-killing-suicide.html#

Nothing in the article indicates that this poor woman wanted her husband to end her life.

There is no mention of her being in unbearable pain, of saying she’d had enough, or anything like that. It just says HE was struggling to cope and that her behaviour was difficult.

I totally get that the situation would have been hell on earth for them both. And I get that he would have felt overwhelmed and despairing. But surely that doesn’t mean it’s somehow an act of mercy for him to violently murder her??

All the comments are going on about how sad it is for them both, how sad that he felt forced to kill her, how terrible it must have been for him and so on.

I just find it upsetting how he’s automatically given empathy and the benefit of the doubt even though he murdered his wife in the most violent and terrifying way.

Salesman found dead alongside his 'ill' wife in 'mercy killing'

The bodies of Heather and Michael Newton were found at their £800,000 home near Poole Harbour, Dorset, on New Year's Eve last year.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15392635/Retired-salesman-dead-ill-wife-800k-seaside-home-Huntingdons-mercy-killing-suicide.html#

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 18/12/2025 14:43

PocketSand · 18/12/2025 14:09

@grumpygrape if you have reporting or other evidence to suggest this lady was in the latter stages of the disease and had high care needs, that her husband was a full time carer at the end of his tether or had sought alternative care or had a care assessment etc then please share them.

‘Reporting or other evidence’ ? Contradiction in terms. Reporting is reporting, not evidence, evidence is evidence.

You have no evidence either way but maybe the (factual) report of the inquest by the Bournemouth Echo might help.

The hearing was told that Mrs Newton’s family had a history of the inherited brain disorder Huntingdon’s disease which had claimed the lives of her sister, Patricia, and father.

Her brother, Christopher Wadman, said in a statement read to the inquest that his sister, who had worked as a hotel conference secretary, had shown deteriorating symptoms when the couple visited for Christmas.

He said these included signs of jerky movements known as chorea, weight loss, slurred speech and irritability.

Mr Wadman said: “During this period of time where Heather’s Huntingdon’s had developed, Michael has been brilliant to her with his support and helping her get through it.

Heather’s condition had worsened more than any of us had actually realised and it was a shock. She had always been in denial about it.”

His cousin, Dr Simon Wadman, said that he had called Mr Newton to offer his support on Boxing Day after the couple had returned home early.

He said that Mr Newton had told him that the “last three or four weeks had been very difficult and Heather had been very emotionally unstable and irritable, he felt like he had been walking on egg shells, Heather was in denial about her condition which made it difficult to manage.”

Detective Inspector Ian Allen, of Dorset Police, said that a note in Mr Newton’s handwriting was found at the house, adding: “It gives rise to the hypothesis that Michael was struggling with Heather’s condition.”

“It seems the symptoms of Huntingdon’s disease became more pronounced in the weeks leading up to Christmas with friends noting Mrs Newton becoming agitated and confused and when this was raised with Mr Newton he admitted he was struggling to cope with these new symptoms.”

Damn, I said I was out of here and only came back to acknowledge people who had been supportive, not people who think they can get and draw conclusions from a report in a news rag.

Needspaceforlego · 18/12/2025 14:44

TeaAndTattoos · 18/12/2025 12:17

YABU do you know how hard it is to take care of someone it’s damn hard and you get zero help from anyone until they are near the end and then everyone is bending over backwards to throw some help at you when it’s too little too late you had been crying out for it for years but no one wanted to listen.

Thats the bottom line.
Carers are left to fend for themselves to breaking point.
Restbite is few and far between.
Those who shout loudest get most support.
Those who struggle in silence are left too it.

Even if he'd called for help, what would he actually have got ?

Dementia care should be part of the NHS.

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2025 14:54

We don’t know what support he asked for. It was documented that she refused support which is very common in early Huntington’s (and I use early to describe someone who doesn’t require 24 hour care which she did not). I have worked in a related area for a long time and the Huntington’s Disease association have been involved in some way with everyone I have supported with the illness. They are a forceful charity with advisors who will fight for the people they help. Also they are very knowledgeable about the law and when a person lacks capacity and the MCA needs to take over to administer support. Maybe this support didn’t get to him, maybe it was there and he chose not to use it.

It’s awful to care for someone with Huntingtons and good support won’t make it much better, but, an unwell lady who was also suffering did not deserve to die in such a scary, painful and undignified way. She needs to be remembered as the victim in this and not him.

TeaAndTattoos · 18/12/2025 15:10

Needspaceforlego · 18/12/2025 14:44

Thats the bottom line.
Carers are left to fend for themselves to breaking point.
Restbite is few and far between.
Those who shout loudest get most support.
Those who struggle in silence are left too it.

Even if he'd called for help, what would he actually have got ?

Dementia care should be part of the NHS.

Exactly he would’ve got fuck all help I know I spent the last 4 years helping my mum and her sisters to take care of my grandma we got absolutely no help whatsoever from anyone there was nothing they could do for us. Oh but all of a sudden they can magic up some help when she was near the end oh they had loads of suggestions for us then after we damn near killed ourselves to look after her. Every time she went into the hospital we had to take turns spending the night with her just to take care of her. She passed away last Thursday and the treatment we received from the district nurses, hospital and the GP was the worst we’ve ever had in the 4 years we spent caring for her. I’m not at all surprised that he did what he did to himself and his wife because old age is only good if you don’t have any health issues otherwise it’s absolutely fucking miserable.

PocketSand · 18/12/2025 15:12

@Maddyisqueen I referred to the BBC report. I have not read the daily hate mail report.

The Bournemouth echo report is identical to the BBC report.

I’m still waiting for reports that the wife was in the later stages of the disease and had high care needs etc.

Her worsening symptoms were described as jerky movements, weight loss, slurred speech and irritability.

As a full time carer for over a decade I am not bashing carers. CA is a pittance and help is a joke and often unsuitable as it does not provide much needed respite, especially when external help is rejected by those needing care. When things are not too bad I see no point in my life beyond caring but carry on, when things are worse I want to go on a 6 month retreat and be rebuilt from the ground up but know it’s not possible. Violently killing and then hanging myself don’t feature.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 18/12/2025 17:13

LizzieSiddal · 18/12/2025 08:53

I wish people should stop making excuses for this murderer!! Victim blaming on this thread is horrific! Yes it’s bloody awful sometimes being a carer, you walk out the door and abandon them if needs be, you don’t bludgeon and strangle someone to death.

And yes the reporting is disgraceful.

Abandoning them to die a slow and suffering death all alone is more merciful???!!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 18/12/2025 17:56

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2025 14:40

Abut that doesn’t explain the sheer violence of the death or the fact that she was just left on the floor.

Too many people on this thread only seem to be considering him and not the awful, painful and terrifying way that she died.

He knocked her out, strangled her and then killed himself

I'm sure he was thinking normally 🙄

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2025 19:52

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 18/12/2025 17:56

He knocked her out, strangled her and then killed himself

I'm sure he was thinking normally 🙄

I don’t think many murderers are thinking straight when they do it, apart from maybe serial killers. Vast majority are in a fit of rage for whatever reason.

I know he didn’t kill anyone but similar to the driver in Liverpool- clearly wasn’t thinking straight because he was in a rage. Doesn’t make it any better.

AbbaCadaBra · 20/12/2025 17:16

Maddyisqueen · 18/12/2025 14:42

He wouldn’t have been thinking straight

You could say that about any man who kills his wife.

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