To be disgusted by murder-suicide reporting?

[FuckOffWithYourEllipses]

Same old story. Elderly man struggling to cope with caring for his ill wife. Violently murders her - battery and strangulation in this case - then kills himself. And the media report it as a mercy killing.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15392635/Retired-salesman-dead-ill-wife-800k-seaside-home-Huntingdons-mercy-killing-suicide.html#

Nothing in the article indicates that this poor woman wanted her husband to end her life.

There is no mention of her being in unbearable pain, of saying she’d had enough, or anything like that. It just says HE was struggling to cope and that her behaviour was difficult.

I totally get that the situation would have been hell on earth for them both. And I get that he would have felt overwhelmed and despairing. But surely that doesn’t mean it’s somehow an act of mercy for him to violently murder her??

All the comments are going on about how sad it is for them both, how sad that he felt forced to kill her, how terrible it must have been for him and so on.

I just find it upsetting how he’s automatically given empathy and the benefit of the doubt even though he murdered his wife in the most violent and terrifying way.

YABU do you know how hard it is to take care of someone it’s damn hard and you get zero help from anyone until they are near the end and then everyone is bending over backwards to throw some help at you when it’s too little too late you had been crying out for it for years but no one wanted to listen.

Call me cynical, but it seems there is a financial motive lurking in the background. They had an £800k house and a boat, but no money was thrown at getting the poor lady appropriate care. The wills were left with his suicide notes, as it was a second marriage, I wonder who stands to gain from the inheritance.

Also, her body was found on the kitchen floors, feels more like violent aggression, not mercy. She died terrified being beaten.

My reply was specifically addressing a comment made by @PandoraSocks that implied she knew exactly what was said etc., "but that doesn't seem to be what happened here." Was she there? Does she know? The answer is no and this type of speculation leads to all sorts of things, none of them good, including sensationalised stories dished up by such agencies as the Mail.
Naturally, I didn't kill my mother but if I had, I wouldn't expect to get a free pass either. It's not just violent men who perpetrate such crimes.

I repeat that I do not believe what he did was right - it was absolutely terrifyingly wrong - but I do take exception to people believing they know exactly what is going on in other people's lives and in their heads and stating this as fact.

Being battered to death doesn't sound merciful, sounds more like rage.

You are very lucky that you can have any kind of conversation with your husband. Things get much tougher when that goes out the window.
As I've said elsewhere, what he did is absolutely and terrifyingly wrong but you should not presume to know what their relationship was like, what was said by who to whom etc, as you have done.

Its easy to judge and make assumptions. Its a horrible illness. I feel for them both.

I have witnessed someone in the final stages of Huntington’s disease, wandering naked in the street with a machete. It’s a hideous disease. No judgement from me.

Why do the DM think the value of their house is relevant?

To answer the original question. The reporting is rubbish but what else should we expect from the Daily Mail ?

I’ve had a post deleted by MNHQ. My attempt at irony didn’t work. Hey ho.

I have no experience of Huntington’s but I do of Alzheimer’s. I am not a naturally violent person but there have been times when I have had to put something sharp or heavy away and walk away and sob for an hour or more, but I fear the day I am pushed over that line and I don’t walk away.

I’m out of this thread because I don’t think a lot of posters understand what caring for a sufferer does to some carers’ mental health. In my opinion, there are far too many sanctimonious posts from the ‘I haven’t seen it so it doesn’t exist’, ‘I managed so everyone else should be able to’, ‘He should never have resorted to violence’, type.

Some carers manage, some don’t and there is little, if any, provision or support for carers for their mental health deterioration, let alone support for the sufferers.

End of, as I said, I’m now out of here.

My reply was specifically addressing a comment made by @PandoraSocks that implied she knew exactly what was said etc., "but that doesn't seem to be what happened here."

You seem to have missed the part where I wrote "seem". I have never claimed to know exactly what happened or stated anything as fact.

You are very lucky that you can have any kind of conversation with your husband. Things get much tougher when that goes out the window.

I think that was uncalled for. My DH having a rare degenerative neurological condition is in no way "very lucky" for either of us.

Grumpy, I hope you can get some support. I do understand how hard it can be and the effect on one's mental health. Try to take care of yourself (easier said than done, I know).

I agree OP, sadly there's a never ending queue of people ready to defend men who murder women.

You never hear of it the other way round do you? It’s always the husband who struggles with an ill wife.
Happy to be proven wrong…

And strangulation. I takes quite something to kill a woman that way because you actually watch them die. This is awful. My thoughts are with the family who probably feel the same way as you, Op. I know I do.

As has been pointed out, with women it happens with their disabled DC; you hear accounts of them jumping off bridges with them.

When it’s a male partner, a woman is likely to be on the receiving end of violence if he develops Huntingdon’s/dementia. I have a friend who was on the receiving end when her previously lovely DH had advanced stage early onset Alzheimer’s. (He tragically died in his early 60s 3 years ago now.)

I hear you. Have been there myself. These threads are probably best avoided, but here I am too! Hope you’re ok

Sorry, I’ve just noticed that I spelled Huntington’s Disease wrong. It shows I don’t know much about it! It sounds ghastly. I’m so sorry for anyone having to live through that, sufferers or carers.

To answer the OP’s question, I think the man’s actions were shocking, and I certainly wouldn’t defend him. And I agree about the title, it does minimise the violence involved.

From the BBC report linked above it does not sound as if this lady was in the later stages of the disease but transitioning from early to middle stage with limited care needs.

The violent method of death, the location of her body and the ruling of ‘unlawful’ killing heavily suggest that this was not a mercy killing carried out by a full time carer at the end of their tether but carried out in anger and the subsequent suicide was to avoid a murder charge. This is akin to the violent killing of a person in the early/middle stages of dementia. There are obvious problems with the care system but it would seem this death did not result from them.

All that analysis from one press report.... Congratulations 👏

@grumpygrape if you have reporting or other evidence to suggest this lady was in the latter stages of the disease and had high care needs, that her husband was a full time carer at the end of his tether or had sought alternative care or had a care assessment etc then please share them.

https://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/25705430.inquest-held-death-elderly-couple-poole/

It's always good not to rely on one media report, especially the Daily Mail.

The inquest included testimony from the victims family about how great her DH was and had been in the context of her serious illness and how she was unwilling to accept help.

He's not a man who killed his wife then hoped to 'get off'. He killed her then killed himself.

The Daily Mails assumption it was a 'mercy killing' was just that, an assumption.

And a daily hate mail article at that!

I find it more disgusting the way so many are talking about a man who had done the best for his wife for years and who may well have already discussed with her what she wanted

Maybe he knew his family would always blame him regardless of her saying she wanted it so he didn't mention that, wanting her family to view her as a fighter?

Abut that doesn’t explain the sheer violence of the death or the fact that she was just left on the floor.

Too many people on this thread only seem to be considering him and not the awful, painful and terrifying way that she died.

He wouldn’t have been thinking straight