Miserable, don't want to do christmas

[youarebeingsoextrarightnow]

I've not even put my tree up yet. I just CBA and wish I could just have a long nap and wake up after Christmas. Or get some Christmas spirit from somewhere, anywhere.

Parents have dementia/alzheimers, diagnosis of about 6 months and still getting me down. I have several health issues, arthritis, anxiety, ADHD, nothing debilitating but they are there. Grown up children are spending it with their respective in laws so will just 'pop in', grandchildren spending it with other grandparents. Youngest DC (late teenage will be with me and DP) BIL will also be joining us and possibly SD and young child but no one has confirmed anything yet - and if they do they don't want a traditional meal, just a buffet. And i'm just a bit skint too and have left presents to last minute and over spent again.

Tried to put a Christmas film on the other night to try get in the mood and DP sat and sighed through the first 15 mins so I turned it off. Soaps are depressing with issues too close to home for me to detach from so I get upset.

Does anyone else feel like they would just like to sleep through or am I being a depressed buggar?

I feel flat this Christmas for no good reason.
My latest plan is to have all the bits of foods and mulled wine I like best on Saturday and try to get into it, just with DH and DC. There's loads of festive stuff to do - icing the cake, wrapping gifts, making a wreath or table centre's etc. So I'm going to do that at the weekend and pin a smile on. In theory.

Yep, I’m with you OP. Just finished 10 gruelling rounds of chemo ( which is unlikely to have worked!) Off sick from work, in pain and generally CBA with anything. Trying to force myself to feel festive, but it’s a struggle. I’m going to wrap presents later and sort the house out. DS has been working hard at his job for months ( only 17) and DD is home from uni at the weekend and won’t want to see me miserable. We just crack on I guess!

I’m avoiding everything to do with it. Not even DS11 (who is a non-believer) can be doing with it either. I had some catastrophic news yesterday which has really affirmed our apathy. We’ll ope some presents, eat some normal food and watch crap on tv. A standard day really.

It’s DS birthday just after Christmas which we have nice things planned so something to look forward to there at least.

Do you know what? It's ok to check out and embrace a shit Christmas. Because there will be another one next year - and you might be a totally different place.
Don't want TV or try to get Christmassy.... go out... walk in the woods / park / air.

You dont have to do it because you've always done it

💐

Sorry to hear of your news. I guess it makes Christmas all the harder.
I hope DS has a lovely birthday.

I feel same OP. Christmas is just in the way of getting into a new year and a fresh start.

I must say at the start of your post, I was expecting you to say you lived alone. So on a good point, you have lots of family around you which is a plus. Your parents situation must be weighing heavy and be relentless, so be kind to yourself.

In terms of being skint, you dont have to foot the bill and host if you don't want to or can't. People would understand especially with your parents' circumstances this year.

When I feel rubbish about Xmas I condense it to one week of the year so it not a 6 week drawn out event. I also say to myself that if I wake up xmas day, have a few bits of decent food, a nice drink and see/speak to a few people i like, then it was a good day. Bonus for not being in work.

If you do have a Christmas dinner, remember its only a roast dinner with pigs in blankets added on so dont stress.

Keep expectations low and take care of yourself. A hot bath, a good book is low cost and can be something you can look back on in better times as a quiet but self preserving episode. I've been there myself.

With the greatest kindness; make the time what you want from it. If you dont want a tree, dont have one, if you dont want decorations, dont put them up, if you dont want a dinner, dont have one.

Dont fall for pressure, dont feel any guilt, give yourself the kindness that youre just not feeling it this year.

This year my "Christmas" morning will be spent driving up the country, to a beach with my husband and dogs. No dinner, no gatherings, nothing. Why? Grief.

Be kind to yourself. You've got a lot on. The best you can do is remove all pressure. Anyone that puts it on you " that wont work for me, I hope you have a lovely time"

If people expect you to provide their Christmas- see above, let them do it if they want too.

OP I’m not surprised you feel like that, you’re dealing with a lot (I’ve been there). You sound exhausted and burnt out and sounds like you’re being expected to deal with the Christmas load on top of everything else. I would suggest contacting everyone and asking them to say what they’ll make and bring on the day so you don’t have to deal with it all (and pay for it all too). Even just say you are struggling a bit this year to afford it if you need to.

I would be having some words with DP and tell them how they’re affecting you. If that’s their normal demeanor, then I would look after myself, put the movie on and watch and enjoy it yourself, do some lovely and enjoyable things for you, take yourself out for a nice lunch and if DP wants to be miserable then just let them be - you can’t change who they are but you can change what you do and how you look after and treat yourself (speaking from experience). You don’t need DP or everyone else to do nice things. Hope you manage to enjoy some of the festive period and get a bit of a break at least ❤️

Thanks @Enigma54

We always look forward to his birthday and make it special for him as having a birthday between Christmas and new year sucks!

Joining you on the Christmas Avoidance Sofa.
For me it's been a year of cancer treatment. I'm so anxious about feeling ill through Christmas and spoiling it for everyone. I keep telling DP but he's "oh you'll be fine..."

So sorry to read this. I hope your family are taking good care of you.

Ditto the year of cancer treatment. I’m absolutely exhausted.

Sending you a handhold

Joining you please, cba, skint, no family, friends checked out long ago when mental illness /asd reared it's head, along with bankruptcy. So fuck it all.

OP this is my 8th Christmas after DMs dementia diagnosis and it still weighs heavily at this time of year. Between that and anniversary of close family deaths over Christmas, I can see it far enough every year. My DC are young and so excited, I decorate and do the activities for them. I very much go through the motions and am relieved when it's all over.

Be kind to yourself. I understand about soaps, I'm avoiding them too!

Hugs. My friends buggered off when I was diagnosed with incurable cancer. Fuck the lot of them, eh? X

I am saddened to read some of these posts. I don't like Christmas either but console myself that's it is only a day
My adult son is in prison and I am truly shattered by it all.
Alot of people don't like Christmas for real reasons.
Let's stand together in solidarity 💟

So sorry to read so many of us are having a difficult time. I’m recently bereaved: lost my lovely parent 3 months ago and have had a professionally gruelling year. I’d like nothing more than to pull the duvet over my head till 1st Jan but need to support my remaining parent and show at least a glimmer of optimism for them.

I just want to stay home and at least try to relax and recover from this year.

Deleted double post.

I feel very flat too. I’m taking my tree down the day after Boxing Day, I’m sick of looking at the bloody thing.

Since my DH died, I CBA with Christmas. I laugh and smile my way through for my adult children and adult GC, but I can’t wait for it to be over.

There does seem to be a general apathy with it this year though. Not sure why. 🤷‍♀️

❤️

I feel lukewarm about Christmas since about 16 years old, so I hear you.
It's just me and my husband, (big age difference), who likes to see a small tree and a decent roast, so I will sort that out.
But, very little "Christmas spirit" here, just thinking what will go wrong in the next year. 😅