Christmas alone on 'bed rest'. Any tips?

[123456789xyz]

I don't want to drip feed but also don't want to be too outing so will try to keep details general.

My mother died a few months ago and we decided (me, Dad, siblings) to boycott Christmas and go away for a holiday somewhere far away and warm. I've been looking forward to it for months, especially as my father (who is basically allergic to the cold) and siblings all went away on similarly exotic month-long trips on Boxing Day the last several years in a row and I stayed to care for Mum.

Long story short, my health collapsed a few weeks ago and I'm not fit to fly. I've told them to go without me. They leave tomorrow for a month. Technically I'm meant to be on bed rest but find it hard to stay still and the medical team I'm under (who will do home visits a few times a week) understand that.

I've got loads of books and I plan to go to the library and stock up. I've also got a few jigsaws. I hate colouring books and I'm too impatient and restless at the moment for films or sewing/embroidery etc. I've organised to meet a friend for a walk on Saturday (which I know I shouldn't but I'm going to go crazy if I don't) There's no one else around and it's going to be my only chance this side of New Year to chat with someone who isn't someone from the NHS and who can actually chat about their life rather than mine.

How would you handle this? Any advice or suggestions welcome.

I wonder if people have misunderstood what your saying... I get it. I'm recovering and definitely not dieting lol

Have you got a garden/window boxes/pots? Plan some really nice planting for spring.

Try Ancestry? I have absolutely loved it - I've gone about as far back as I can go now, 1600's, but it's the best money I've ever spent. So interesting and kept me occupied for hours and hours!

Also seek clarification on what bed rest actually means in your case. I had a severe illness and was told bed rest, when gentle movement would have been beneficial and this was later clarified by a consultant. It may be keeping hr under 100, short walks and pacing. Or absolute bed rest. But for how long and when can you move again

best wishes and good luck.

Pick a subject or subjects that you know absolutely nothing about and go down an internet magic rabbit hole turning yourself into a mini expert on them by exploring websites, radio programmes, podcasts, films, TV programmes.

Try a couple-give yourself three hours before deciding if it's not for you and then move on to another. If you hit on a topic-and the topic that interests you might be a surprise to you-it can be very engaging!

Examples might be:

Trees of Great Britain
The Wives of Henry V111
English Murders of the Edwardian Period
The Paintings of the National Gallery
The Origin of the Universe
Worms
Famous Jewels
Queen Victoria's Love Life
British Fossils
The Pitt Rivers Museum

That's 10 of the top of my head-but topics are almost unlimited. The trick s to pick something that you know nothing about or at least very little.

Get a Switch and play Animal Crossing!

@123456789xyz have you ever used polymer clay? You can make miniature things, , or cute millefiori

Thanks everyone. There's some great suggestions on here. At the moment I'm finding it really hard to stay still or concentrate or/engage with anything for more than a few minutes at a time so suggestions for lots of different things to do are great.

• I'm going to try to reteach myself the piano
• I've got a massive tower of books
• I'm going to clean the fridge and inside some the cupboards
• I've chosen a few things I can watch in brief bursts on iplayer and Netflix
• I've got two jigsaws and have asked a work client (who asked if I needed anything) if she has any more I can borrow.
• I'm going to stock up on puzzle books and will also do the metro cryptic crossword whenever I can get hold of it (as well as the sudoku, the number pyramid and the word search, and Wordle)
• I'm going to try drawing a little bit while I listen to some things on the radio, there are a few things on Jane Austen I'd quite like to listen to.
• I'm going to go on Massolit and watch some of the videos for some of the GCSE and A level English literature students I'm tutoring next term which I need to get more familiar with.
• My Dad's left me some shirts that need mending and I do have some material scraps I could do something with if all else fails (I'd rather not sew, but it is an option).
• I might look into some computer games or similar.
• One of my GCSE tutoring students has sent me a bunch of essays to mark so that's exciting. I might set her some more (optional) work to do as she's so keen!

At the moment I am supposed to be on bed rest but I think everyone involved can see that that isn't realistic. It's going to be more about keeping my exercise issues a lot more limited. I've made promises about that that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep (that I'm already not really keeping)

RE my family, they are great, I realise they don't sound great but I would have hated for their holiday to be ruined because of me. This year with this very dramatic relapse, they were not keen to leave me alone because they were so frightened for me but I was absolutely adamant that they go anyway. They all have stressful, busy lives and are exhausted and grieving - they really really need this holiday and I'd be heartbroken if I ruined it through my own stupid fault.
They went without me the last few years because taking Mum wasn't possible and we all knew that given I was already doing 99.9% of her day to day care, it would be far best for her if I stayed with her. I was happy with that. I preferred it to putting her in respite care or similar. I found it very hard to leave her even for a day during the last five years.

Ahem. I did. Sorry OP.

You've had a tough time op dear love you. I second crocheting or knitting- I had some bad pain a while back and that was really helpful for keeping my hands busy which worked out some agitation. Eventually I was able to settle enough to do it while watching TV or listening to audio books. I also like how mistakes don't matter because you just pull it out and redo.

Painting/drawing for fun or air dry clay. Maybe you could make something for the others as a surprise when they come back?

Go and meet a friend for a run in the car with flasks or go to a nice coffee shop/ sit by the beach with flasks maybe?

Do you like other forms of self care like face masks/ baths/ hair masks or maybe doing your nails etc a bit of pampering to make yourself feel looked after.

If you have outdoor space what about reading about gardening and using the time to plan something fun for that space to start in spring. I also quite enjoy threads that have Wikipedia black hole ideas on them where you can read about different things others have found interesting.

What about getting some materials to hand make cards and then deliver those to a residential home incase others didn't get any visitors over the holiday period?

Buy yourself some adult Lego
I like a jigsaw but Lego is so much better!
Have you any interest in genealogy - I can waste hours doing family tree research

Also op just to say obviously sitting still is very difficult for you, but could this also be an opportunity to practice something like meditation, just start really small and short and then let it gradually build up with some guided meditations or beautiful/complex pieces of classical music you like? The more you practice the easier it gets but it is tough in the beginning so have grace for yourself with it.

I'd get some crochet hooks and wool in too, that or knitting is great for keeping hands busy and mind gently distracted and if people who don't get on with one usually get on with the other (lots of easy tutorials on YouTube)

I'm so sorry for all the strain and grief you've been living with and for this sudden relapse. You sound like a remarkable person and I hope you the next few weeks bring you a bit of peace and much healing

Do you have any wool? I bought a plastic pom pom kit for different sizes pom poms. It’s productive to do, doesn’t require much concentration and I’m hoping to make a wreath with them.

Im aurge and an introvert so pretty good at keeping myself amused. Im currently ill myself and supposed to bed resting it I find it impossible to do so, I appreciate it’s not for the same reasons you’ll find it hard, but in case it helps, these are things that keep my mind busy and when I can get totally absorbed for hours and hours and easily spend a whole day doing

Video games like animal crossing, stardew valley, Minecraft.

Embroidery/cross stitch and an audio book at the same time. I love any kind of craft stuff but those two are pretty cheap to start, easy to learn and can be done from bed etc.

journaling or scrapbooking I enjoy too.

Jigsaws.
Lego
jewellery making.

If you feel ok doing so, drop me a pm and if you’re local to me I’m more than happy to give you some of my many surplus craft supplies for you to experiment with. I jump from hobby to hobby so have way more shit than I need.

I’m really sorry you’re having a shit time of it 💐

I was limited to bed rest for three years recently and would like to add the following.

Duolingo for chess as well as a language.

Online the Japanese game of Go is maddeningly slow to get to grips with.

A clear bird feeder fixed to the window was a delight.

Deleting and cataloguing all my photos.

Also random but #lifeskills learning to wolf whistle took me a solid 5+ hours and a few days to perfect.

Wishing you well it sounds like supporting your Mum and then your loss really took its toll.

Hi OP you sound like an absolutely fantastic person. My heart absolutely goes out to you.

I understand about the frustrations brought about by bed rest. DD1 was hospitalised, sectioned, tube fed and put on bed rest when she was 16 owing to severe anorexia. She was in hospital for 3 weeks and, because I was supporting her treatment, I was allowed to stay with her. DD1 was an artist so she did lots of drawing. I know you say you are not particularly artistic. But what about painting by numbers?

Or, Decoupage
Learn a language
Learn to play bridge. Or chess.
Candle or soap making (not really suitable to do from bed but are quiet home activities).
Research your family tree
Sort family photographs
Make a book nook
Make a rag doll
Choose a topic - local history, an obscure poet, a particular historical event and learn everything there is to know about it.
Clay modelling
Jewellery making

I am concerned to read that you will be left alone. I know you say that you would feel worse if your family stayed behind. But the temptation to exercise when there is no one around to support you is going to be really strong (I know this from experience). What is happening to you is not your fault. You have not brought this upon yourself. You are not to blame for your relapse. You deserve all the love and support and compassion in the world.

I am also really sorry to read of the death of your beloved mother. Grief will have exacerbated your illness I am sure. Again this is not your fault.

My DD1 had 8 years in really well established recovery from anorexia. And recently qualified as a primary school teacher. She died entirely unexpectedly 5 weeks ago (not from anorexia). So as well as witnessing directly the struggles presented by anorexia I also know how intense grief feels like.

I really hope you get to the position of established recovery. But I know how challenging that road will be. Please think carefully about putting some support around yourself.

I have been very moved by your story and I wish you well from the bottom of my heart. I don’t want to intrude, but do feel free to PM me.

Gentle audiobooks, free via the library or YouTube. Great when trying to be restful but also to accompany jigsaws etc. I like following through a series, the characters become familiar and that’s somehow comforting.

@LadyMacbethWasFierce

I’m really sorry to hear about your daughter ❤️

Making photobooks is absorbing and might also be quite healing following the loss of your mother.

I’d binge watch Christmas movies and some good series. Can some friends come over every so often? I’d rethink the walk. What about a coffee?

can you listen to a book

Keep chatting on here, an update on what you are doing and how you are feeling, get more suggestions of what to do next, tell us how the family trip is going. Lots of people on here like to chat so you don't need to feel so alone. Give a daily update?

Yes, this is a really good idea.
I am torn between my fear of what my brain will do to me in my isolation, and my desperate desire for them to leave. As much as I love my father (who I live with - I didn't want him left alone when Mum died and I had moved in to look after her) he is driving me bonkers with his constant little noises and for some reason I'm also incredibly hypersensitive to smell and his breath is making the entire house stink. I can't wait to get him out the door so I can open every window and light incense in every room! My sibling who lives in this country has also been really stressed with work and with my situation and being around that has been really wearing me down. So a break from them will be good.

I really like the meditation idea from @Lavender14 . I have been using a meditation app for a few years (since my last major relapse in early 2023) but I just use it for sleep now. I think it would be good to start doing some in the day too.

I have discovered I can watch things in five minute bursts if they are really engaging. I can read for a little longer than that if it's really engrossing and I keep changing my body position and if I read and move around a bit.

There's some great stuff coming on or already on Radio 4/ BBC Sounds etc so that's great, it's just finding things to do while I listen that's not exercising. Jigsaws is probably my best bet but I'm also interested in the knot tying (as I have small bits of rope/string already to hand). A lot of suggestions require buying expensive kits and I'm keen to avoid spending.

The family tree idea is really interesting but my mother's family are not British, my father's mother family is well-researched and his father was Indian, had several name changes, a secretive past and two parents who grew up in orphanages - so I think it would dead ends all round!

I think my biggest issue at the moment is that I'm feeling very very anxious, frustrated, restless and impatient. So all the relaxing activities that I might enjoy trying in a calmer head space just feel like added annoyances. All I want to do is walk really fast all day or do exercise video after exercise video. Or clean things. But everything is already so clean and organised that I feel cheated and enraged!!