Some school advice please

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Hi, my ds who is 9 and autistic is being bullied this year. There’s being several incidents of name calling (including homophobic slurs and offensive language about disability) and aggressive (but not physical) behaviour. We have spoken to school several times and recently had a meeting where we were reassured it was all in hand.
yesterday I get a phone call to collect DS as he’s injured and distressed. I was told by a teacher two boys had repeatedly kicked him, one had pushed him and he hit his head on a wall and they had called him homophobic slurs.
He has a lump on his forehead and 5 bruises on his legs and body and his knee was slightly swollen.
Later I get a call from the head saying teacher didn’t see what happened and head has investigated and what actually happened was DS was ‘annoying’ a girl (I clarified with DS he was telling a girl some facts about dinosaurs and yes it’s plausible she wasn’t happy with the conversation although he thought she was) and 1 boy pushed him away from the girl.
DS has said he was pushed into a wall and kicked several times and his injuries are consistent with that. He said it was two boys who he had named.
im going in for a meeting today, it feels like the head is trying to minimalise it and blame DS for bothering the girl. This also happened in the classroom where there should had be a staff member.
i appreciate my son can be difficult as socially he is significantly behind his peers, he has a full time 1:1 but she was on her lunch break at the time. But I do feel this should be taken seriously. Aibu or should I drop this?

Obviously you do need to take this further with school.

your child should be safe at school. Often breaks and lunchtimes can be very difficult for autistic children as it’s much less structured social time.

it may be worth looking at solutions with the school.

be aware that your child’s version of what happened may not include all the facts (this is true whether your child is autistic or not!)

If your son has a 1:1, does he have an EHCP? It sounds like a mainstream environment is overwhelming him. There might be some specialist schools or hubs within mainstream settings which might suit his needs better, although getting a place is usually a long process.

I agree there will be both sides of the story and the truth will be somewhere in between but he does have several injuries so I believe that he was hit or kicked repeatedly. DS doesn’t usually lie (due to his autism) but he does only see things from his perspective (which is subjective )

Yes he has a EHCP he has 1:1 all day except lunch . He usually gets lunch and goes to the sen room after which he did but he left five minutes before bell and went to classroom

I would be asking that he has a 1:1 full time. Some children need it at lunch time too, while others are ok to be monitored by the general lunchtime staff. Sounds like you need to push for cover to be arranged for when your son's TA is on lunch so situations like this don't happen.

9 or Y9?

Either way I'd report it to the police. School are limited in scope and it might force them to act. If not, a chat from the police might fire a warning shot to these kids that physical violence isn't OK.

Sorry just seen your last post where he nornally goes to the Sen room. He needs an adult to escort him around the school to make sure he gets there safely.

9 years old

Yes I agree I think normally he’s left to his own devices

I'd take photos of injuries and have a meeting with the head where you share calmly that you'll be speaking to the police because the schools description is inconsistent with the injuries.

I agree that he needs adult supervision from the SEN room.

This is where I would focus attention. If they are trying to suggest he started the situation by 'annoying' the girl, then surely he shouldn't be allowed to be left alone. The school now needs to address this by updating his plan to state when moving around the school an adult needs to be present and that lunchtime is covered. If it is just getting him to another room then that is relatively easy as any adult could step in. If it's covering the TAs lunch, then the school need to look at TA lunches and set a rota. Get the sendco involved on this.

Op my son didn't have that sort of physical situation, that is completely unacceptable. But he is autistic and was in mainstream until yr 6 when I managed to get him into a specialist school. I wish I'd had the option to do it sooner as mainstream wasn't right for him and he was very isolated.

This is the first year I’ve thought maybe mainstream isn’t going to suit him long term.

This sounds like an appalling situation...your son has been physically assaulted because he was 'annoying' a girl by talking to her? Have the perpetrators been dealt with? School clearly not managing the situation.
Get hold of the school's bullying/behaviour/sen policies and ensure they are being correctly followed.
Take photos of the injuries (was an injury slip completed by the school).
Go to a meeting - ensure notes are made/follow up with an email etc so there is a record of the discussion.
Get a plan in place to support your son going forward.
If not happy escalate to school governors - again there should be information about on school website about filing complaints.
Worst case, consider changing schools.

Yeh it got harder for my son the older he got. He's.a clever boy, but can't access mainstream.learnimg and socially he was isolated. We went to a local SEN youth group and I saw how much happier he was with other ND kids. It was a real moment of clarity for us. He's a lot happier in specialist and it's made a big difference to the rest of us that his needs are met properly.

Yes we have done exactly the same. He has joined a Sen youth club, every other kid is in Sen school and he getson so much better there because no one thinks he’s weird.

It's so important to belong!! I went to this brilliant talk by this autistic adults who said inclusion is the journey, belonging is the destination..I personally feel "inclusion" doesn't work for some SEN kids in mainstream.

Do not take the heads word.
this is absolutely awful
I would take photos of the injuries
I would put in a complaint if the school has not investigated properly and contact everyone.
children with sen needs are at at greater risk of harm and bullying and this bullying not being addressed has resulted in your child being physically assaulted

you can lodge it as a police matter as this is assault

you should not let them brush it under the carpeT
contact your LA about changing the EHCP

And finally if he left 5 minutes early then he should have still been supervised as it wasn’t officially lunch time?

Please DM if you need help with the complaints process.
I wouldn’t send my child back if it was an option.

I’m a secondary SENDCo, and we currently have a Y11 child in our ASD hub who is going to join mainstream for sixth form. Having specialist provision (albeit within mainstream) has been a complete positive for him, and he’s proof that needs change and it doesn’t have to be forever.

Take photos of injuries.
Report to police, as a log if nothing else. Those student's behaviour is escalating.
Your son needs support at lunch.
You son was left alone for 5 mins before he went to thr SEN room and these student's decided to take matters into their own hands. If your son was annoying another student, then she should speak to an adult. At no point is it okay for anyone in a school environment to push another student.... never mind the rest. They are minimising their behaviour and I would be concerned. Talking about dinosaurs can be annoying... pushing and then kicking is assault.
Have the school given the class talks about different needs, how we should celebrate differences in school, it helps when we have issues in yr7 at the school I work at. In it we talk about famous being who have autism, the challenges they may, their super powers, how wording can matter and what to do if there are any concerns.

I think what concerns me is he’s really able academically (greater depth in most subjects) I’m worried this will drop if he goes Sen school

I agree with everyone, take this as high as you can. Bring someone to the meeting with you . Do you have a copy of the schools policy on bullying? He was physically assaulted on school grounds and they are minimising it to protect themselves.

The bottom line is the school has a duty of care to your son. It failed in this. What are they doing to change it and why shouldn't you take it to the police?

That is the problem. My son is very bright but can't show that on paper. Maybe with a scribe. So for us it was a question of knowing he could continue to love learning and knowing more than all of us but it probably wouldn't translate to amazing exam results. But his mental health and happiness was more important.

I can see that if your son is thriving academically it's a really tough decision.

There are SEN schools for academically able children as one of my kids goes to one. They teach the full curriculum in small classes with extra support and therapies like speech and language on site.
There aren't many of these schools but they are out there. Can be hard to get named in an EHCP but can be done.
If it's on the cards I'd look around now as it's much harder the older they get as they all get full

Sorry for what's happening to him