Do I have a lot going on?

[New2Mumming]

I don't know whether I should be cut more slack or I'm just slow.

I went back to work 4 days pw in September after one year maternity. My kids are now 3 and 1 yo. I commute once per week (2hrs each way). Husband works 5 days, 3 of those commuting. Helps with nursery drop off and pick up when he can and has been doing more about the house since I stopped mat leave. I sleep with youngest, never made it a full night through.

We are about to buy a house, should be exchanging soon to move in a month.
For about 6 weeks weve been considering that I become a teacher from September 2026 as my industry is at risk of redundancies and AI.

Crunching the numbers I don't see how we can afford me to stop working for a year with two kids in nursery, unfunded hours because I won't be working. Hard to find with Student Finance but I think Dh earns too much for me to get much maintenance/childcare support ( and yet on his wage alone we'd struggle, even on a shoestring). We could have worked this out sooner but it's hard to find time and focus with everything else.

DH is putting the teacher training above the house and thinks we'll need to pull out.

I don't know what the hell we should be doing.

Can I even train to teach with such little children.

Very aware we're horrific to pull out for the poor others in the chain.

Am so stressed and confused. Feel so much pressure and like a horrible person. But what else are we supposed to do - we're staying with family and that can't keep on

I’m sure you can do Teach First where you earn as you learn and you basically just do the job and learn as you go - have you looked into that?

Do you actually want to become a teacher? Teaching is tough, especially in the early years, even if it's your life's ambition. It's not the kind of job you should go into just because you want a career change. Teacher training with a 1yo and a 3yo will be very, very hard.

I wouldn’t be starting out in teaching with your kids that young.

Don't go into teaching. Why have you chosen that profession? I managed it for 10 years (my 20s absolutely passed me by though as I was so stressed and spent most evenings and weekends marking) but once I had my children I realised there's no way I could possibly do it with kids. I now work a full time civil service job, and a part time job some evenings, and I still feel like I work less then when I went down to 3 days as a teacher when my kids were young.
Seriously consider something else.

If you're at risk of redundancy, would it not be better to wait for the redundancy payout then retrain? Your children would be older then too so possibly reduced childcare costs.

Why on earth would you want to be a teacher? As PP have said it’s NOT an easy ride.
id just get an ‘easy’ job while the kids are little then reevaluate when they’re at school.
no idea about house situation that would depend on if it’s affordable

Yes you have an enormous amount going on. You’re in the most stressful years of parenting. A house move and career change are some of the biggest, most stressful life events. And you’re doing it all at the same time. No wonder you’re feeling stressed and confused.

I would prioritise. Possibly house first. Get through the toddler years. Then think about a career change - whether you can afford it and what you actually want to do (not what your husband wants you to do).

What’s your current industry and how imminent is the risk of redundancy?

There's a lot going on no wonder you're stressed. Can you break it down into individual decisions? From your post, teacher training should be a separate decision from house buying.

Your industry is at risk of redundancy, so not your specific job, right now? In which case retraining is future proofing rather than immediately vital? If so it's a decision that can be made later, and could come with a redundancy package and time to consider your options.

The house sounds necessary if you're essentially homeless right now. Again, if you're not at immediate risk of redundancy, can you afford a decent level of income protection so the mortgage is paid in the event of redundancy.

In terms of job, do you want to be a teacher? If you do, do you want to spend all your spare time studying, or if you get made redundant, would a stop gap job be better until the kids are slightly older and you've got more time and brain power for yourself to study?

Thanks all for your kindness and ideas.

I'm not desperate to be a teacher but it's a job that is needed the world over and I need job security. But I've heard mixed reviews and do worry about my little children, let alone logistics of getting them to school or nursery before me on time.

Quite down about the prospect of losing my job in the near future and annoyed I didn't get a more solid career. Also sad if I weren't able to spend much time with the kids.

But yes we are essentially homeless and so the house purchase needs to happen.

So much pressure on both me and DH. I don't know how anyone does it.

Ok, based on what you've said, you would be absolutely crazy to go into teaching. Even people who always wanted to be a teacher and who essentially really love the actual teaching part are leaving in their thousands. Tens of thousands, in fact. The workload is brutal. Yes you get great holidays, but term time is intense. I don't know how people with little children cope with teaching full time unless their partner is the default parent tbh.

going into teaching…would imo be insane? It’s not a job to do if you don’t really want to! Doing it because it’s an “easy” job to find anywhere is NOT a reason to do it!
what do you do now @New2Mumming?

I am a teacher and really enjoy my job but even I am agreeing that you should not do this.

I'm not desperate to be a teacher but it's a job that is needed the world over and I need job security.

You could say this about so many jobs, that might be easier. Teaching is really really hard in the first few years and you end up doing long hours until you get the hang of it. You will not be spending much time with the kids, no.

I'm not desperate to be a teacher but it's a job that is needed the world over and I need job security.

Honestly if this is your only motivation to become a teacher you could consider training as a plumber or something instead. The exact same applies and at least you'd choose your own hours!

Primary school teachers work an average of 60 hours per week. As a trainee and early career teacher the hours will be longer. While I don’t think it should be a vocation it asks for more the average job.

I wouldn’t be buying a more expensive house at the moment if your job is at risk.

Teaching has no flexibility at all. You wouldn’t get to spend much time with your young children - I speak from bitter experience and had been teaching for years before I had children! Combining the training and ECT years with very young children would be incredibly hard. You have to WANT to be a teacher for it to be do-able.

I am echoing the comments about why do you want to go into teaching! You mention it being a role that has good job security but I would check this. The news tends to report a recruitment and retention crisis which to an extent is true, but really depends on whether you are primary or secondary and area dependent. I used to teach secondary but it was so stressful. I definitely could not have done the training year with two young children. Yes you get the holidays but you are likely to be in school 8-4.30 every day. This I know can be an issue for some parents as a lot of nurseries don't open til 8.
I now work as a primary TA and while the money is rubbish, I get to do what I enjoyed about teaching, which is working with the children, and then walk away at 3.30 without having to worry about marking or planning and dealing with parents (which in primary is insane, there will always be at least one tricky parent each year from what I have seen).
I would say if you want to do secondary maths or science then you may have a better chance of a job. If it's primary then forget it (at least where I am). There are so many trained primary teachers and a lack of permanent vacancies. Our trainers from last year were lucky, one got a job in July and the other got a last minute job in October but both of these are temporary maternity roles so even if these teachers don't return, these new teachers would still have to reapply and possibly not get the job when advertised.
I would not be basing my future on teaching unless it really was a dream role (which it doesn't sound like it is for you).
Also to add, to get onto a course can also be competitive. What work experience do you have? You used to have to have done at least two weeks minimum.

I would prioritise the house. You might not lose your job just yet, and once you have a house you're paying off the mortgage and you can take a mortgage break if you really need to (not recommended but it is an option). It'll be easier to cope with everything when your kids are older.

Keep going on your job for as long as you can. How long have you been there, will you get a decent payout? If you will, use that money to retrain... but not teaching, unless it's your vocation. I know a lot of teachers and they're all so stressed. The only one I know who went into it already with young children quit in her first year. It's very, very hard work.

I started teacher training when my son was 3, and it was bearable when he was in nursery as he was in longer hours and I could use that time to do all the extra stuff a trainee teacher needs to do (assessments, reflections, and essays - I did it alongside a PGCE) and it was really tough. We did have a bursary that year £15k which helped but was a massive drop in income plus we weren't eligible for any childcare help, or the 30 free hours as my husband's salary was over £18k 🤣

Anyway, long story short, I left teaching after qualifying within the first year. I really enjoyed the teaching aspect and was pretty good, but the amount of stress my body was under every day was too much. I also really resented not being able to do any of the school drop offs or after school pick ups, felt out of the loop, didn't know a single other parent and felt my son wasn't able to have children over or go over to others as I didn't know the children's parents. I spent about an hour with my son after work, and then the rest of the evening found me marking or planning. I taught secondary English fyi. The final straw came when I was unable to leave the classroom, (back to back teaching) and bled through my dress after coming on my period. I won't even bother mentioning the students who were rude or cared very little for being in school, it completely overshadowed the small amount of students who were actually nice.

I now work from home in an industry I was in 20 years ago but I have a much better work life balance and I get to do all drop offs and pick ups which is really important to me.

Ex teacher here. DONT DO IT.

I agree. I say this as a teacher who taught for 31 years. It is extremely demanding and despite what people think is not particularly family friendly.

Recent ex teacher here! Your current load sounds about the same as mine currently which while tiring and stressful at times, does feel like a holiday after doing the same amount whilst teaching. I’ve never known such a mental and physical load as trying to raise two small humans and teach in the current education climate. Not a job I would currently be looking to go into unless it was my absolute passion (which it used to be for me and even I fell out of love with it) and I had very few responsibilities in my personal life.

Just posting to echo others really. You need to consider that teaching jobs are quite tough to get (if not maths or science) and that some schools are making redundancies. Teaching is nowhere near as secure as you think.

If you think you've got a lot on now you'll be in for a shock if you train to teach. Teacher of 25 years here and it has become unmanageable in my opinion. I am just about coping because I have the experience to fall back on and I am in a trap currently with needing the salary. My kids are teenagers now. I would not recommend training to teach at this point in your life.

Do you have any classroom or teaching experience, OP? If not, I'd seriously suggest getting some before you commit to a career change.

I thought I wanted to be a teacher for many years until I set foot in a classroom in a teaching capacity. It's hard work. A different sort of hard work from my corporate job with a long commute, long hours at times, tight deadlines, people demanding the impossible; it's physically and emotionally draining in a way I really hadn't anticipated.

I'm not trying to put anyone off, but you really need to be enthusiastic about this and be the right type of person for it too.

He doesn’t ‘help’ with nursery drop off. He does nursery drop offs.

Language matters.