Do I have a lot going on?

[New2Mumming]

I don't know whether I should be cut more slack or I'm just slow.

I went back to work 4 days pw in September after one year maternity. My kids are now 3 and 1 yo. I commute once per week (2hrs each way). Husband works 5 days, 3 of those commuting. Helps with nursery drop off and pick up when he can and has been doing more about the house since I stopped mat leave. I sleep with youngest, never made it a full night through.

We are about to buy a house, should be exchanging soon to move in a month.
For about 6 weeks weve been considering that I become a teacher from September 2026 as my industry is at risk of redundancies and AI.

Crunching the numbers I don't see how we can afford me to stop working for a year with two kids in nursery, unfunded hours because I won't be working. Hard to find with Student Finance but I think Dh earns too much for me to get much maintenance/childcare support ( and yet on his wage alone we'd struggle, even on a shoestring). We could have worked this out sooner but it's hard to find time and focus with everything else.

DH is putting the teacher training above the house and thinks we'll need to pull out.

I don't know what the hell we should be doing.

Can I even train to teach with such little children.

Very aware we're horrific to pull out for the poor others in the chain.

Am so stressed and confused. Feel so much pressure and like a horrible person. But what else are we supposed to do - we're staying with family and that can't keep on

I would wait until the children are older, if tou
could. TT is brutal with young children. Your industry is at risk but you might not be affected.

It doesn’t sound like you should be a teacher, tbh
Tesching jobs can still be hard to secure.

Children also need people who actually want to do the job, for people who have a reason ( other than money) to push through. You’ll be miserable if you don’t really want to do it.

I did my teacher training with a 1 year old.

I wouldn't recommend it, tbh.

Don't go into it thinking its a family friendly career - it's not.

Don't go into it thinking the holidays will save you money on childcare and allow you to spend time with your children. It will to a degree but you will be sacrificing evenings and weekends during term time.and a lot of your holidays will be spent working either at home or in school.

If you are highly motivated to become a teacher; know a lot of teachers so have heard the reality from people who live it; are very organised; have very high resilience and are generally mentally and emotionally strong then it can work.

But if you're going into it thinking it will be a nice little job and give you lots of time with your family - don't do it.

If you're 'not desperate to be a teacher' - don't do it.

There is very little job security now for new teachers. Lots of fixed term 1 year contracts, lots of budget cuts, very high expectations in terms of your availability and commitment. Very few TAs, unrealistic expectations. Lots of significant behavioural issues. Lots of unsupported high SEND needs.

Eg this year, I have no TA, 20% of my class are working 2+ years below their year group and can't access the curriculum. I have to teach two completely different lessons concurrently. I work 7.30am - 6pm every day due to measures introduced to reduce workload and nothing you ever do is good enough.

I love teaching. And I'm good at it. But I'm leaving this year after 20 years because it's unsustainable and getting worse.

Teacher training with small children - no. Unless your DH is going to do 98% of EVERYTHING (including all the thinking/planning) and you’re happy to not be present with them for the year.

Teaching with small children - no. And you’ll be full time as part time jobs are like finding unicorns. There are a lot of reasons for this but lack of any flexibility and high workload are two key ones.

If teaching is your long lost passion then sort some decent work experience and spend some time with teacher-mums (and ex ones who can tell you why they left) to get a true idea of what it’s like.

If there is a chance of redundancy, wait it out. My husband's company took about 3 years to finally make him redundant. He got a payout plus our kids were all 3 years older which gave us a lot more flexibility around our kids and what he did next.

Training as a teacher is bonkers. I did it in the 1980s and it was awful (I finished and swore that id never set foot in a classroom again). My friend did it about 10 years ago and the workload and expectations were so much higher. She started an ECT job with a toddler and left after a term.

Buy your house. Once you are in it, then it's so much easier to make the numbers work.

You have a lot going on, but you'll have more than ten times that: workload, stress, no energy left for your own children if you go straight into teaching at the current time with 3 and 5 year old kids when your heart isn't even in it. Your DH shouldn't be pushing you to do this- it will not be sustainable.

@New2Mumming I think one thing at a time applies here.

What's the motivation to move? There must be a good reason you got this far in the buying process.

How much do you need to be able to earn to afford your (new) mortgage and bills? The crucial question is can you afford it if you are made redundant for at least a few months? If the answer is yes then move (unless it's an upgrade you'd like but isn't essential e.g you have enough bedrooms already but want a garage).

Then worry about the next steps. Have you even applied for teaching yet? Is it a PGDE rather than a BEd? You can do a PGDE part time over a longer period which might be better given your childcare costs.

I'd apply to give yourself options if you want them (you can always defer) but agree with others that this is a very hard stage of life to do it. You'll also need to show some experience of being in a classroom or appropriate volunteering on your application. It's quite competitive unless you are planning secondary in a real shortage subject.

Is what you really want to stay at home while the kids are little and in expensive childcare? Have you crunched the numbers on that short term?

Have you been with your current employer long enough to get redundancy. If so you'd be daft to leave.

Sit down and work everything out and take it from there.

Unless your DH is going to do 98% of EVERYTHING (including all the thinking/planning) and you’re happy to not be present with them for the year

This pretty much sums up your training and first year+ of teaching.

My ex husband stepped up and did everything. I was so overwhelmed, I wasn't going to attend my own daughter's second birthday party until he forced me to.

And I definitely wasn't present with them for the year.

And that was 20 years ago. It's worse now.

You will cry daily and many teachers report having 'a tree' on their commute to work - especially during the early years. I did and I didn't realise it was a thing until I heard an ECT recently talking about her tree. It turns out many people have had a tree at some point in their career.

If you are living with family right now, that's really stressful. You need a home. It's good you're identifying that you don't think your job security is great, but you haven't been given notice of consultation for redundancy yet. Presumably you have over 2 years employment so you have good rights.
I would go ahead with the house move and get settled, then start looking for a new job. But as pp have said, not teaching.

It always makes me laugh when I see threads about teacher training, and everyone piles in to say “don’t do it” “teachers work 60 hours a week” “you’ll end up working evenings and weekends” “it’s not family friendly”

Yes. But many of us in other careers in the private sector are doing this already, raising kids, and doing it with 28 days annual leave.

Im not saying teaching isn’t a hard job- Im very aware it’s horrifically difficult, and the conditions are very challenging - but many of us considering changing careers in favour of teaching, are going into it with our eyes open and 20 years of that kind of workload behind us. Nobody I know seriously considering teaching is interested in doing it for holidays or easy hours.

What about social work?

Either way I’d move house and stay in your current job until the kids are out of nursery then retrain.

Ugh teaching.

Destroyed my mental health permanently. I got out through ill health retirement. That’s how bad it made me.

I was fairly normal before being a teacher.

Teaching is one of the worst jobs for family life balance. You cant just take a morning or afternoon off for sports day/ nativity, if your head lets you then you are very very lucky! You need to be in school for around 7:30 and won’t leave until 6. It is highly likely you will work after the kids are in bed. You will work weekends and you will work through the holidays.

43000 teachers left during 2024, for reasons other than retirement. Many to lower paid jobs. That tells you a lot.

Have you done both though? Why does people sharing their real life experience make you laugh at them?

I left teaching for a corporate role…I would choose corporate EVERY TIME! 😆😆

Teacher here 🙋🏽‍♀️

If you’re struggling as it is, please do not start teacher training.
I have been a teacher for 15 years and have 3 kids under 5 (one in reception and twins 18m). There is no way would I be coping if I didn’t have plenty of experience already. And even then it is TOUGH.

what are your reasons for becoming a teacher ?
If you think it’ll be easier you’re going to really really regret it!

I did teacher training, granted it was 20 years ago now so it might’ve changed, but omg it was incredibly stressful. One of the hardest years of my life. And I was in my 20s with no kids. I remember my mentor teacher crying after an horrible lesson and I just thought I do not want to do this for the next 40 years! So I became an accountant instead. Much better suited

Whats your industry OP? How secure and progressive is your DH work?

Same! My colleagues describe how stressful it is but I don’t see it at all after the stress of teaching. And I get paid a shit load more!

Yes other jobs do work incredibly hard too and long hours. Difference is they are often paid to reflect this. I’m not sure why people sharing their own experiences makes you laugh though.

and you can take a day off when YOU want! 🙌🙌

Ooooh, what do you do? Maybe I need a career change ! 😂

Teaching seems like a bad idea with young kids. You’ll miss out on being involved in their school lives.
Fine to look for a new job, but make it a flexible one!

'We could have worked this out sooner but it's hard to find time and focus with everything else.'

Teaching is a most stressful job and it sounds like you don't have much headspace for anything right now.

Get your lovely new house. Wait for the redundancy and, while you're waiting, get your ducks in a row. Think about careers that empassion you, not ones that you think are convenient. Teaching is a vocation and if you don't have that fire, it'll show through every day.

Think about Civil Service. Huge range of very interesting jobs around the country and brilliant job security.

Not always paid to reflect. I’m earning roughly the same as teacher colleagues at a similar level of career progression and working pretty much the same hours.

It makes me laugh because it’s always the same response.

Most of us know teachers work hard- we see and appreciate that hard work with our own children, and some of us aspire to make a similar difference.

If you’re not desperate to become a teacher then please don’t - it’ll be a disaster!
It’s not a family friendly job at all - yes the holidays blah blah blah BUT term time will be horrific
I did my QTS when I only had one child at home and she was a teenager.
I then worked p/t - Monday / Tuesday / Wednesdays- my family knew they would not see me / ask anything of me from Sunday through to Thursday morning as I was completely working that time
Fridays (day off) was marking / planning / emails