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Original poster

To blow friend out for cheating on husband?

65 replies

Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:20

I've been wondering this for a while. If you had a friend/ friend of a friend who cheats on her husband and sh*gs anyone she can get her hands on, would you blow her cover?
I cross paths with this man once a week, I've never spoken to him though.
Is the moral thing to stay out of it, or is the moral thing to let the man know?

I was cheated on by my ex husband, I always wonder why no one ever told me about him. Clearly everyone in his circle knew.

OP posts:
IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 16/12/2025 21:21

I would stay well out of it.

Upthenorth · 16/12/2025 21:22

I would stay out of it and not socialise with someone who thinks that’s ok.

Catza · 16/12/2025 21:24

Do you have concrete evidence? Have you seen the act of cheating taking place? The spouse of the said man attending events with the affair partner?
If not, then it's all hearsay and probably not worth getting involved. Now, if you personally witnessed them shagging behind a garage or something, then I would consider... Because I also often wonder why the hell none of our "friends" told me about my ex's side chick.

Arlanymor · 16/12/2025 21:24

Well she's either a friend or not. If she's a friend I would have stern words with her. If she's pretty much unknown to you then I would just give her a wide berth.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 21:24

I would personally stay out of it - it could backfire on you and surely if it's a friend of a friend there are other people who could let him know. I had a friend who cheated on her partner - she later married him. I could never have told him because he was horrible and didn't treat her well.

I'm not excusing the cheating but if I had told him I would have come off worse. Lots of her relatives knew as well. About her cheating and said nothing. I hoped that she would leave him - she was clearly very unhappy, but she married him

vincettenoir · 16/12/2025 21:31

I wouldn’t do this to someone who was my friend. But it sounds like you don’t like her.

Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:31

Because she is a friend of a friend there isnt personally much to lose for me. Also, I could never be friends with someone who does those kinds of things.

@Roobarbtwo so just because everyone else said nothing in that situation, it makes it right for you to say nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:33

@vincettenoir I dont much like her or dislike her! Shes friendly enough!

OP posts:
Cookiecrumblepie · 16/12/2025 21:34

I don’t understand this say nothing mentality. I think cheating is horrid and would tell someone or tip them off anonymously.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 16/12/2025 21:35

I would stay out of it. You never know what arrangement they have. Maybe it is an open marriage.

sprigatito · 16/12/2025 21:35

vincettenoir · 16/12/2025 21:31

I wouldn’t do this to someone who was my friend. But it sounds like you don’t like her.

Lots of people don’t like liars and cheats 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would tell him. He has a right to know his wellbeing and sexual health is at risk, and to make an informed decision about his future.

Mooninjune · 16/12/2025 21:35

I agree with @Catza
If you have concrete evidence then I think you should say something.

TheonlywayIcoulddothatwasifyouwantedmetoo · 16/12/2025 21:36

The messenger is frequently shot in my experience.

Thisisnotmyid · 16/12/2025 21:38

Stay well out of it. You don’t have absolute evidence and it could end up with you looking like a crazy person depending on how good a spinner the women is.

sorry op but I think your past feeling are clouding your judgement on this. Yes it would have been nice for someone to let you know but sometimes the messenger gets shot

Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:38

@Cookiecrumblepie exactly!! You would tell on people that do other horrible stuff like SA, stealing, abuse, neglect. How is cheating more acceptable?

How can I do it anonymously?

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 21:39

Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:31

Because she is a friend of a friend there isnt personally much to lose for me. Also, I could never be friends with someone who does those kinds of things.

@Roobarbtwo so just because everyone else said nothing in that situation, it makes it right for you to say nothing?

Hold on a minute. Her husband was abusive to me on more than one occasion - and if I had said anything I can assure you he would not have believed me - particularly considering she was only allowed out on a Saturday night. I didn't ever cover for her. She knew my views. I told her more than once to leave him but she wouldn't

He once screamed abuse at me and banned me from their house because he falsely accused me of finishing his kebab meat that was in their fridge when I stayed over - I'm vegan

He was screaming get her to fuck out of this house at the top of his lungs - how do you think it would have gone down if I had told him she cheated on him

Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:42

@Thisisnotmyid the most evidence I have is having seen her kissing other ppl with my own eyes, my friend saw her having s** and the other person I know she slept I can investigate more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:43

@Roobarbtwo oh I feel sorry for you! Obviously that doesnt apply in your situation, I would have also kept quiet!

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/12/2025 21:45

No, why on earth would you?

You don't know him and it has nothing to do with you.

You should also stop referring to her as a friend, as she clearly isn't.

Theendog · 16/12/2025 21:45

Well I saw a friend of a friends husband on tinder. I spoke to my friend to ask if she wanted to tell her.

His excuse was - it was an old account. Yeah sure buddy…

Anyway, ultimately I was the bad guy and I went to an event they were both at and they both just gave me the dirtiest of looks all night. I thought I’d done the right thing.

The messenger is always the bad guy. I’d stay out of it.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/12/2025 21:47

Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:42

@Thisisnotmyid the most evidence I have is having seen her kissing other ppl with my own eyes, my friend saw her having s** and the other person I know she slept I can investigate more.

Christ it's like the the nutters that pitched up the village where that poor woman drowned

You aren't a detective. You don't need to investigate

You need to get a feckin life and mind your own business

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 21:48

Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:42

@Thisisnotmyid the most evidence I have is having seen her kissing other ppl with my own eyes, my friend saw her having s** and the other person I know she slept I can investigate more.

You don't like her or dislike her - but you are going to anonymously tell her partner that she's cheating on him - because you were cheated on and no one told you?

By the way - I have been cheated on. My then boyfriend told me when we were on holiday that he had been sleeping with someone for 3 months behind my back. It's horrible. But you really need to think about why you want to do this.

Is it so her husband can move on with his life - fair enough. Why aren't the other people who know telling him

If this is going to make you feel good - then do it. I suspect it won't though

And if you do it - don't do it anonymously. That's completely cowardly

ZoggyStirdust · 16/12/2025 21:50

Cookiecrumblepie · 16/12/2025 21:34

I don’t understand this say nothing mentality. I think cheating is horrid and would tell someone or tip them off anonymously.

But this is mumsnet, where “it’s none of your business” if a woman is cheating…

Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:50

@Roobarbtwo it wont make me feel good. And I wasted years of my life because nobody told me. I feel like it might be the right thing to do. But them again Im not sure

OP posts:
Original poster
Larose123 · 16/12/2025 21:51

@ZoggyStirdust I wonder if it was a male friend cheating on his wife, would the responses be any different?

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