What will I buy your kids for Christmas?

[BeFairOliveBear]

AIBU to be slightly annoyed with people asking me this?
My mil called yesterday, told me to buy gifts for my kids, wrap them etc and give them to her at christmas to give to my kids. She will revolut me the money. My sister messaged asking me for ideas of what to get my kids and my sil asked the same.
I know I am lucky ( my kids are lucky! ) to get these gifts and people want to get things they know my kids will like but I'm struggling to come up with ideas. They don't want that much stuff and Santa is bringing what I know they want. I know they will be upset if I say just give cash or vouchers.
I think my brain is just full with planning everything, picking out gifts etc

This so so much! I have a vegan relative who is very hippy dippy. Lovely person, but refuses to use “big pharma” believed Covid was a hoax to control the population and thinks Amazon is the devil. So every time I try to prove alternative ideas to the Amazon things; usually they end up sighing and say “just order them something off their Amazon wish lists - if you do that I’m still clean” so so irritating!

We use Go Wish app. Wish lists get shared with family who can then reserve and buy from there if they want. Used to use Amazon wish lists but more and more we found the things we (and teen DD) wanted weren't on Amazon. And it also means not using Amazon. Even my almost housebound father is able to use it and buy appropriate stuff.

Why would you not ask as kids have so so so much stuff now. Unless you are in their house every day and know what they have you could easily duplicate. Also they will hopefully have made a Christmas list that you can people ideas from. Failing that vouchers are a good idea. What isn’t it buying random crap that may end up in landfill. I wouldn’t expect to have to buy it and wrap it but I wouldn’t mind being asked for ideas.

I’m in a minority on MN, I always preferred people to ask and buy something the DC wanted or needed. As all our relatives lived a long way from us. I also didn’t mind wrapping - what they saved on postage added to what they could spend on the gifts. I’d create a list and assign gifts to whoever asked and the rest from us. Not entirely sure why it’s a big deal to be honest.

Why is your MIL telling you to do anything? Not heard of asking or suggesting?
My response would have been no to that anyway. A MIL speaking here btw.

I get this from my mum too. She’s 83. She obviously doesn’t know what to get them. So I’ll just think a bit more and get ordering

Honestly from the summer I start a list of things they've mentioned they like, are currently into or have mentioned in passing. I'll add and remove things as time goes on. It's the only way I get through it in November when people ask and I'm like WTAF it's November. It feels massively overkill but then I can just take one or two things off the list, fire it to the person and make a note. What's left or on their father Christmas list comes from us.

I think buying and wrapping is a bit much. I definitely would prefer to be asked though so I don't end up with a load of tat.

It drives me round the bend. My DMIL asks us what to buy… then sometimes asks us to buy and wrap it… then sometimes doesn’t even remember to give us the money. How’s it a gift from her?! We’re both working parents with volunteer roles outside of work and three kids… she’s a **ing millionaire with nothing to do all day.

I wish my in laws did this. They always buy some random crap that goes untouched by my kids. Now I tell DH to send them links to stuff they do want, in the middle of November, even though they don't ask.

Its hard with young kids to know what they already have. Sure they could buy / wrap though

My mil has done the same. Made dh go and buy everything and deliver it to her door. She was even parked outside our house one day knowing dh had some of the presents and drove off, then called later demanding he drops them round ASAP that evening.

Your sil is being a bit ridiculous but for request like your sisters I always just say ‘they’re really into x, y and z and they moment so they’d love anything to with any of those’

OMG me too!

My MIL actually laughed on the phone to me about how when everyone asks if she’s ready for Xmas she just laughs and tells them she is doing absolutely nothing and planning to land at our house and do sweet f all. It then blew my mind for the requests to come YESTERDAY for me to buy my children presents and put them in the spare room ready for her.

I managed to gently suggest she is not fucking serious. But what tf happens to old people??

That’s great! Why are you complaining? Do you want to end up with random useless things? I am doing that with my family. I am buying all the things the kids need based on the budget they suggested, for some I even top it up to upgrade and get something better and then they ll send me the money.

Absolutely agree, this drives me mad!
I feel like I'm doing other people's thinking for them.
My kids are older and have phones....ask them!

This annoys me too (and I feel guilty that it annoys me because of course it's lovely that they want to get the kids gifts), I feel like I have to find presents from several people, remembering all their budgets, and it's usually last minute after we've sorted presents from us and moved on!

Oh and I've also already sorted presents for them and their kids and checked they are happy with their kids presents.

Agh I get you. My MIL asks every time we visit what 16 month will eat. The 16 month old that has been eating largely the same as us since he was 9 months. She said she'd call. I told OH, she called me and got promptly sent to voicemail. Told OH to phone her. We told her caviar, truffles and fillet steak will do and sent an AI photo of him eating the above to match. (SIL is a vegetarian, I am pregnant and she's fixated on the baby that eats everything)

My MIL asked my SO what the kids are into now he told her and then she rang the next day just to say she got them surprises (basically anything she can get cheap as she works at a store and can get stuff they want discontinued for 10p so no thought goes into it).. I’m not ungrateful but she buys crap unbranded toys that break the same day which results in upset children. I’d rather people ask for ideas or ask me to get the stuff and pay for it as my kids Xmas lists have extended beyond the beginning of time 🤣 I’ve got all their stuff wrapped and ready for Xmas morning and now they’re like I want this that the other, like guys I already sent Santa your lists I can’t amend them, it’s not an Asda grocery order 🤣

Sometimes it's hard because you are trying to think of ideas to buy for them yourself, and then you have to think of extra ideas for others. I do prefer it though because my mil doesn't ask, and then buys the most random things that either they aren't that fussed about, or they already have. I tell my mum something like "he likes Pokemon" or "he'd love a new board game" and then she sends her ideas, to check w don't have it already.

I agree with you…. You and your kids are lucky.

Stop whinging.

All these people telling to to stop whining can do one.

The mental load on mums (parents but let’s face it..mums) is so intense at Christmas as it is. It’s just one more thing to think about and do on top of everything else. And then MIL gets all the credit and thanks for a great present. Yes it means it’s something they want but it’s a lot of work on top.YANBU.

I have the solution to this for next year. I use an app called wishbob.
In early September I create their lists. Then any time they ask for something add it to the list, or if I have any ideas. You literally just put a link in to the item. Then when people ask for ideas I just send them a link to the list. When they click a link it takes them directly to a website (say amazon or wherever you picked) for them to view it. The app then asks if they have purchased it. If they have they click yes and then it disappears so no one else can buy it. It’s fab, because I then don’t have to guess peoples budgets. They pick what they want. AlsoI don’t end up with 4 aqua doodles (happened one year before the app). I only send it if people ask. If they choose to go rogue thats also fine.

I'm happy to give ideas or confirm kid will like something or hasn't got it.

I do think though that part of the gift giving process is choosing a gift, buying it and wrapping it - not just sending a.delivery. I'm not sure if the giver expects me to wrap it or if I should just put Amazon boxes under the Christmas tree?