To leave family alone for Christmas and new year

[Orquid9]

Please help me bring some sense to me. SAD has hit me very hard this year and I am about to buy a ticket costing more than 2k to go to my home country in the tropics: leaving DH and DD18 and DD14 alone for Christmas and new year. DD2 will be 15 on Christmas day.

Every day I wake up wanting to scape, I feel very low atm. We don’t have family in the UK as DH is from Australia

@Orquid9
No, don’t do this. Think of a compromise whereby you spend Christmas and your daughter’s birthday together as a family, and then go away afterwards.
These things hurt long term, even if people pretend otherwise in the short term.

I perfectly understand the need to run away but I think you are being unreasonable. Hard as it is you need to think about that impulse and why it's happening and find, in these specific circumstances, a solution. It may well be that a long term plan is needed. Have you sought some professional help? If not I would think about that as a first step. If you are exhausted what could happen to relieve that?

This.

Sorry totally unreasonable to even consider leaving them alone at Christmas especially as DD birthday is Xmas day.
I'd have been devastated, my birthday is Xmas day too.

As long as you're totally cool with them changing the locks before you get back 👍

Is there something else going on that makes you want to return? Do you not want to be with your family over Christmas? Are you ok not seeing your DD on her birthday? Why can't you wait a few days, when flights will presumably be much cheaper? Who will you celebrate christmas with? It all seems a bit extreme when you could wait a few days?

The weather. I love my family and feel very grateful for them; I have wonderful husband and daughters; but find the Winter, lack of sun and darkness hard.

So wait a few days until after Christmas?presumably the weather won't have changed greatly there?

This. Either there's a massive drip feed coming, or the OP is being VU in planning the trip to coincide with Christmas and her DCs birthday.

Why must you be away over Christmas, OP?

Your DD will remember how you treated her, on her birthday! Expect the same respect back,

If this is solely down to the weather, could you look at booking a holiday for all of your family somewhere much nearer eg Canary Islands, southern Spain, North Africa etc where it would be a lot cheaper for you to gets break for all of you - if you fly out on the 27th/28th January, you can normally get a week in before schools return. Over £2k for a ticket back to your home country is a lot. You could probably get a package for all of you for that amount if you travel to a destination where it’s ’warm and pleasant’ rather than hot.

No you can’t do that. How are you treating your SAD? Are you getting out for a daily walk in daylight? Do you use a light box?

I do understand what is making you sad and how you are missing your family/feeling the effects of SAD (I get that too, to varying degrees), based on this I think you would be being unreasonable.

If you go now and miss your DD's birthday plus Christmas with them then they will remember that. It would hurt.

Just get through Christmas and New Year day by day and then you will soon have your April trip on the horizon to look forward to, plus the days will be starting to slowly lengthen.

Many of us find winter a drag and they tend to be grey and wet rather than crisp and snowy in the UK. As a fellow SAD sufferer I know I have to do certain things to make it better for myself. That's what Christmas is for as far as I'm concerned - helping to get me through the long winter with some sparkle, lights, festive cheer. For your family it's also about your DD's birthday and you need to be home for that or you could cause lasting resentment.

Ultimately maybe you can move to Oz or your country one day. Do you have long term plans once the DC are grown & flown? For bluer skies, warmer (but not hot) weather in winter you only need to go to southern Spain/Canaries/Cape Verde etc so it doesn't have to be Australia or bust.

I have a lumina, I practice yoga, mindfulness, go out. I did stop the vitamin D as when I tested in April it was 120, maybe that is what it hit me so hard.

Thank you all. I will stick around no matter what as a last minute break is going to costs us a lot.

What have long term plans and are counting the years until DD2 finish school.

Because that is the time I have off as the company closes for the break and I just started a new job.

Change where? The weather in my home country is the same all year round; we don’t have seasons or changes of hours

I think considering how many times you have already been and are booked to go again you would be horribly selfish to go abroad and leave your 15 year old daughter (and the rest of your family) alone for her birthday and for Christmas.
Perhaps throw some of the money you are spending on holidays on private medical treatment to fix the issue instead.

Thank you

Could you use the 2k to have a short break with all the family in the canaries etc? I honestly think going away over Christmas and your teen’s birthday would be beyond selfish.

Thank you all. People who don’t suffer from SAD wont get it. I won’t leave my family alone on my daughters birthday and Christmas. I have also looked at going on holidays to the Canaries on Boxing Day with DH and DD2 as DD1 has an exam in January.

Don’t think 2k will be enough this last minute for a week holiday

Í wish it was so simple. The solution is moving to a sunnier country which we can not do at the moment. Holidays is what helps me cope the rest of the year.