Hi Im just wondering have I caused all this . And him ending it .

[maybeinanotherlife06]

Hi this is long but I will try to keep this short .

i was coming up 7 weeks Pregant and had a miss carriage which started two days ago. Still on going now. So I will have to go to the hospital at one point soon.
i stayed home when I started bleeding . He was up his but I could tell by the texts he drank as soon as I left . Usual thing unfortunately. I text him to say I started bleeding and that I was sorry . Asking him is he ok ect . He didn’t reply for an hour and again I could tell he was pissed . The living situation has caused me a lot of stress constantly up and down between two houses because his dog is an absolute nightmare and every single day rips his whole house apart . He was making plans for her to go with somone who doesn’t work and we would move in together but again iv heard this multiple times .
also since finding out I was pregnant it’s been constant stress due to him leaving , taking drugs being horrible . So an abortion was on my mind for a while .
so after I text him no reply for an hour . I do reply to what he says then the text after that was I promise il give you the stabilty you need very soon . In an odd way it upset me because I should have had it long ago and again hes drunk talking . I get up for work at 4 am and assumed maybe he would phone me . I had nothing . Until 10-30 . And again no phone call just a text . And it all just really upset me . I asked him why hasn’t he phoned and he said he’s been sleeping. In other words he was up all night drinking and taking drugs . He phoned me and straight away had a go asking what I was having a go at him for and what exactly did I expect him to do . I knew it would be this way. And the sad thing is when I seen the blood I honestly didn’t want to tell him . I said If it was the other way around I would have at least if phoned you , asked you if you needed anything , even would have come down to see you . Or even offered to walk the dog , my dog so I didnt have to come home at 8 am to walk him in pain and rush back to work .

this all annoyed him even more . He started shouting . I always put him down , he was tired . Sorry hes not this perfect person . I said I don’t need perfect just Some one who cares . Anything goes wrong or he does something bad and I get upset and this is how it goes every single time . He put the phone down . Phones me back an hour later i can tell hes either took something or drank again and hes flipping out . So I end the call just said I don’t need this . He texts me loads of abuse ending it and telling me to go find someone else and to F off . So iv blocked him on everything because I honestly don’t need this right now . And I. Not heard from him since and I won’t unless I appologise . I really need to know if I have caused all this ? Im so stressed and sad . Thankyou

Sorry about your miscarriage 🫂
Look, from what you've written, he's not going to give you stability.
Take this opportunity to get him out of your life, and move on.
Don't accept anything less than the standards that you need, for a relationship.

I can’t believe all these replies . I honestly thought you would all say it’s all my fault . So Thankyou all so much . I used to stay because I always thought deep down he was a nice person but hes not . He ruins every occasion thats supposed to be happy . I don’t know if you can see my other posts but thats just some of the things I have been through with him

Do you realise you been in an abusive relationship OP?

Also on the photo I posted he mentioned mums net it wasn’t Mumsnet it was Reddit . I typed in google if I was over reacting to him not showing any care right now and sent him some replies off people . Not a post I wrote but from someone going through the same thing and I don’t know if it hit a nerve or pissed him off because the texts where after that . Sad that I have to Google to show him that I deserve better . Hes nearly 40 and has only ever had two relationships. One with his daughters mother when he was 18 that lasted two years and one in his 30s that maybe lasted a year and half but she left in the end because im assuming she went through what hes put me through .

That's a very clear marker of someone who is being manipulated and abused - the firm belief that the abuser is a good person "deep inside" (so deep that the rest of the world can't see it!) and that the abuse is somehow the victim's fault. I'm glad you blocked him. Keep him blocked. Forever.

I've been in relationships like that. The most recent one kept trying to manipulate me for close to five years after the relationship ended. Even after blocking him, he's still fine a way to send me abusive texts from different phone numbers. There are absolute evel dysfunctional men out there and it is not a woman's job to accept responsibility for their behaviour.

Talk to someone you trust and don't entertain this man any longer.

You should be glad. You need higher standards. Honestly.

He’ll be back, like a bad smell.

Cut all contact with him, never waste time with an unemployed druggie. Thank god he didn't move in with you.

no one in my family like him . They all hate him . Even his mother has told me to leave him so many times . Im just so stupid . I really wanted him to change for not just me but himself . But I know that will never happen . Iv always put him first and never ever disrespected or hurt him . And I never would have . As for contacting you on different numbers . This is what he does . It’s impossible to get away from him . He has an app that even if you’re blocked they can still phone and text you . Even if you block that number the new numbers are never ending

I'm sorry that you're going through a physically and emotionally difficult time.

Please block the selfish, oxygen thief of an addict. He adds nothing positive to your life and would be a horrific, damaging father.

It's worth looking into why you ended up in a relationship with this level of arse in the first place so that you can raise your bar and have a better life.

None of his behaviour is anywhere near ok.

I can't believe you felt the need to apologise for a miscarriage. This is so very sad 😔

You deserve much better. It is not your job to fix pathetic men with problems.

Prioritise yourself and your health. If you really feel that you will get sacked for sickness and you go into work then at least let your manager know what is happening.

Set your bar much higher next time and listen to your instincts

Stalking and harrassment are crimes, as is coercive control. If he persists, keep records and contact the police.

He has no rights to do this to you.

None of his behaviour is anywhere near ok.

I can't believe you felt the need to apologise for a miscarriage. This is so very sad 😔

You deserve much better. It is not your job to fix pathetic men with problems.

Prioritise yourself and your health. If you really feel that you will get sacked for sickness and you go into work then at least let your manager know what is happening.

Look after yourself. You have done nothing wrong and deserve love, care and support at this time.

Set your bar much higher next time and listen to your instincts

Stop listening to what he is saying, and start paying attention to his actions.

He can't hold down a job
He takes drugs
He drinks too much
He is porn addled
He blames you for everything/gas lights you
He is unsupportive at you lowest moments
Won't take responsibility

A baby does not change anyone op. In general it puts even MORE pressure on even very happy and stable couples. I guarantee if a baby was brought into the relationship he would would not change, he would get even worse. It doesn't matter that he said he would change, he is showing you what your life will look like.

Get out, you sound like you have your shit together. Get out! You could have a wonderful life. GET OUT.

Speak to the freedom program or seek therapy for why you feel like you deserve this loser or a man but GET.OUT.

OP being alone is SO MUCH BETTER than being with a horrible man. And you know he is just a horrible person, right?

You are going through a very difficult and emotional thing, you should only be worrying about yourself. But he’s forcing you to worry about him. That’s not right.

End it. You know you have everyone’s support. If he won’t leave you alone, phone the police.

Ok, firstly, go to the hospital not to work and make sure they put miscarriage on the form as you cannot I think be sacked for this.

secondly, the calling and so on from different numbers after being blocked is harassment, please log these with the police.

thirdly, and a tiny bit of tough love coming op, you are obsessed over how he’s thinking and his texts and what he’s doing when you are in need of medical treatment. You have clearly been ground down into a shell and need to get away from him and get some help. Please enlist your family in these initial stages, they sound only too glad to help you sever contact with this shitty piece.

look after yourself x

Why? Why did you choose a man like this? Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.
This is absolutely not a situation to bring a baby into.

unfortunately I am in work now and I only leave to sort my dog out . Come back and im here until 3 . I am starting to panic this might be an etopic pregnancy or maybe Im just severly over reacting . The blood yesterday was pink a few wipes of it not heavy but covered the whole tissue . Then today loads of brown blood . I know Im not Pregant no more because I just don’t feel sick or worn out . I feel different. But I also have bad cramps . I might have to go after work . No one knows apart from him and his mother . His mother is lovely and has been there for me through everything with him and she has offered to come to the hospital but I don’t want to waste their time if I am just being paranoid . And this is just a slow process

Of course you haven’t caused this. As everyone has basically said, get this man out of your life now before it’s too late.
Im so sorry for your loss, but I really think it’s for the best in that you won’t be tied to this waste of space and your child wouldn’t have to deal with him as their father.

I know you obviously love him otherwise you wouldn’t be obsessing over the messages, blaming yourself, his behaviour etc.
He is a grown man making his own choices - bad ones. That’s not for you to carry, they are his problems and issues. You deserve better and you need to realise that.
I say all this with love and compassion - I have been in your situation but you now have the opportunity to walk away with no ties. Please do that for your own sake.

As others have also said, you can’t be sacked for having time off for a miscarriage. If they dared do that you can take them to tribunal (please join a union if you aren’t already in one!)

Stop analysing every shitty message he’s sent you and every crappy word he’s spoken to you, he doesn’t care about you in the grand scheme of things - his priority is getting wasted and off his face with drugs. He needs to sort himself out, if he chooses to - but you can’t save him. It has to come from him, not you. Please walk away now and block him on everything. This is the best decision you could ever make for your life.

Also, please go to the hospital!! Leave work and go - is your life really worth losing over a job? You need to be seen by a doctor to confirm and treat you.

Cut him and his family off for good. Dont engage again. Get a new life.

Why on earth would you want to bring a child into the world with this pathetic excuse for a man??
Im sorry about your miscarriage but this whole thing is a mess. Have some self respect and know your worth.
No child deserves a father like that.

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage OP.

Trust me when I say, they NEVER give up the drugs.

Look after yourself.

I’m really sorry for your loss. It’s time now to be very kind to yourself and as others have said set your bar high. He won’t change for anyone.

For fucks sake. Stop focusing on him, he’s a piece of trash. And start focusing on why your bar for men is so low and work on yourself.

I’m sorry this sounds harsh, but it needs to be. Be alone rather than with this loser! And don’t bring a poor child into this whatever you do!!!!! He sounds like he’s be an awful father.

Do not have a baby FFS.

Neither of you are mature enough to be a decent parent and this poor child will have to be the one the bare the brunt of it.

If you and him want to carry on with this pathetic nonsense that you call a relationship, then do.
But don’t drag your family members into it and especially do not bring a baby into it.