Pub walk out over drink offer timing out

[MisterT373]

I have a friend who lives abroad who comes to the UK 3-4 times a year. Her family live 60 miles from London & I collect her at the airport & she stays with me for a few days before heading to her family. Out of maybe a dozen trips she has contributed perhaps twice to the cost of petrol (about £20 a trip) but after i drop her off she messages me to remind her to give me petrol money. When we are either in the UK or at hers I probably pay for 70% of anything we do.

While driving to her family today we stopped at a pub & ordered drinks which she refused to pay leaving me to pay. After she finished her drink she asked if i wanted a second drink & I said i couldnt have an alcoholic one as i was driving. She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered. I sat for a couple of minutes & then told her we were leaving. She asked if she could finish her drink & I said no as I didnt have one. I went to the car & she obviously finished her drink as she didnt come out for 5 minutes. I told her i was going to drop her at a station where she could get a train, there then followed an hour car journey where in the end I drove her all the way to her family.

For some background we have been at dinner a couple of times when she has stopped me from ordering something as she was paying. I was in a relationship with someone who was controlling as to what i could eat.

As for the money side I am a pensioner & in this day & age £20 is always useful. Its not just the petrol money but I always feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal.

Was I unreasonable for my behaviour in the pub?

You don’t seem unreasonable to feel she is being stingy. But how did the conversation go the rest of the time? Or did you both sit in silence for the drive after the pub?

The hour journey was in silence.

You drive her 60 miles to her family and then drive home?

She sounds like a miserable bitch. You were absolutely not unreasonable. If you value the friendship write her a letter and tell her why what happened, happened.

So she does oay you petrol money?

When she refused to pay for first drinks what did you say?

And when she asked if you wanted a drink why on earth did you wait for what to get a drink then tell her to buy you a soft drink?

Yes you were petty deciding you were going when she just got a drink.

She's not your friend. She may have been in the past, but she isn't now.

I'd be cutting her out of my life. Consequences. She can make her own way to her family from now on.

She sounds very tightfisted but that scene in the pub and the car afterwards makes both of you sound very strange indeed.

I mean,

She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered.

How on earth have you become friends with someone to the point that you're picking them up at the airport and having them stay with you for a few days, several times a year, when your conversations reach this level of pettiness?

She's cheap and selfish.
Maybe at one time your relationship was more equitable but it is not now. It's okay to do a lot for someone if you get enjoyment out of helping them.
Pick him up from the airport and driving them to their family, you're a wonderful friend.
But she doesn't seem very grateful and she doesn't seem like she's being a very good friend to you.
Perhaps this relationship has run its course. I don't think you did anything wrong.

I would fade the friendship. Next time she comes over I would be unable to collect her.

I assume now shes with family you won’t see her again this trip

I also would not be contacting her, and will wait for her to contact you, but no more favours

Strange thread gets a whole lot stranger.

YANBU to be fed up of her being stingy but YABU to a) have let it go on this long and b) to have been so petty

How bizarre?!

I wouldn't have waited for 5 minutes for her to leave the pub. You told her you were leaving, she should have left immediately too.

The whole ‘friendship’ sounds fucking weird. You clearly really dislike each other.

She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered. I sat for a couple of minutes & then told her we were leaving. She asked if she could finish her drink & I said no as I didnt have one

This isn't how friends behave. You both sound controlling and petty, which hopefully is an issue with the dynamic of this friendship rather than a wider problem, if you have other friendships that don't operate in this way. Ending the friendship sounds healthier for both of you, as you seem to have become frenemies!

She really doesn’t sound like a friend. In fact your idea of friendship seems a bit skewed if this is the sort of thing you put up with from her. Friends don’t take advantage and use people the way this woman does. Why the hell did you still drive her all that way after saying you were dropping her at the station? Stop letting her treat you like a doormat.

Wtf?? 😳

You are getting nothing from her visits other than a dent in your bank balance.

Reported. This is a serial pest. Got their own thread deleted and now spamming all other threads with these horrible pictures

Y'all need to OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS and say things to each other.

Things like ...
Hey friend, I got the last round, this one is on you.
Can you pitch in for petrol today

You sat in silence for 1 hour? If that's the case this is easy peasy. This person is not a friend. Stop hanging out with them.

But also - I don't know if I believe you.