Pub walk out over drink offer timing out

[MisterT373]

I have a friend who lives abroad who comes to the UK 3-4 times a year. Her family live 60 miles from London & I collect her at the airport & she stays with me for a few days before heading to her family. Out of maybe a dozen trips she has contributed perhaps twice to the cost of petrol (about £20 a trip) but after i drop her off she messages me to remind her to give me petrol money. When we are either in the UK or at hers I probably pay for 70% of anything we do.

While driving to her family today we stopped at a pub & ordered drinks which she refused to pay leaving me to pay. After she finished her drink she asked if i wanted a second drink & I said i couldnt have an alcoholic one as i was driving. She got her drink and when i finished my first said I'd have a soft drink to which she replied that it was too late as I hadnt asked when she offered. I sat for a couple of minutes & then told her we were leaving. She asked if she could finish her drink & I said no as I didnt have one. I went to the car & she obviously finished her drink as she didnt come out for 5 minutes. I told her i was going to drop her at a station where she could get a train, there then followed an hour car journey where in the end I drove her all the way to her family.

For some background we have been at dinner a couple of times when she has stopped me from ordering something as she was paying. I was in a relationship with someone who was controlling as to what i could eat.

As for the money side I am a pensioner & in this day & age £20 is always useful. Its not just the petrol money but I always feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal.

Was I unreasonable for my behaviour in the pub?

Why do you call her a friend?
Leave her to do her stuff. Own her own.

I can see on your side how the resentment has built up. However, I think you would have appeared to overreact if your friend didn't realise that.

Some people genuinely think it's okay for someone else to pay more. Maybe she thinks you have more money than her, that you actually do split everything equally or that she has spent enough on flights.

I agree with you. It sounds like she is tight with money and it's gone too far. But it needs to be spoken about out loud. Or take the easy way and start dialing back. Less lifts. Lifts only to the train station. No pub stops (they cost a fortune - bring sandwiches).

Speak for yourself there love.

Stop derailing the thread @tipsymipsylipsy

OP, what do you get out of this friendship?

Sounds to me like it is past its sell by date, where neither of you seem to value the other much.

Having said that, she also sounds stingy and has been taking the piss, that alone would be enough for me to end contact.

Presumably this has been building for a while. You noticed she was being stingy, kept putting up with it because you have a long history, but this time you snapped.

And that’s fine. Her response to you was unbelievably stingy.

Shame you didn’t drop her at a station, really. Or even just leave her at the pub. But it’s done. You have no obligation to her. You don’t owe her friendship, let alone a free taxi service, free accommodation or subsidized activities. If things aren’t working for you (and haven’t for a while) then it’s a good idea to a to make a change.

But you should probably expect not to really see her again. Which it sounds like will be to your benefit.