To think if you find Trad Christmas stressful just don't do it?

[Pavementworrier]

I quite like English midwinter foods and beverages so I'm happy to engage for these

But otherwise cmon this country is no longer majority Christian so why isn't everyone chilling the heck out

Do what you want

Stop acting like stuff is compulsory when it isn't

Agreed. I've had stress-free Christmas for four years now and it's where the real "magic of Christmas" is.

Fine if it's just you but it's harder if you have judgey family members who expect certain things. Like why have you given them marmite on toast rather than roast turkey.

I just don't think it needs to be stressful if you're organised. Decs and tree went up in an evening, presents have mainly been ordered online. I wrapped a load catching up with the archers tonight. We have 8 coming for dinner but it's just a big roast, all hands on deck for prep then everyone can clear off and let me cook, then I'll put my feet up while DH and DF clean up. I don't get why it's stressful unless you're spending beyond your means, but there's an easy solution to that, don't! When I was student we used to do £5 secret Santa and all chip in for a roast at cooked together (chicken because Turkey isn't much different anyway) it was pretty cheap.

Serious amount of privilege there @TheCurious0rangeof course you must be able to see it?

First off you clearly don't have DC who wake up at the sound of sellotape

Is it Christmas without martyrdom?

This.

What privilege? I grew up with bugger all in the east end of London, parents working for basic wages manual labour, cleaning etc we still had a nice Christmas. It doesn't need to be fancy. A medium chicken is £4. Most of the supermarkets do offers on root veg and potatoes this time of year. Presents don't have to be fancy just thoughtful.

If I did I'd do it while he wasn't at home, you don't need to make a drama out of it

I think this is easier said than done, when there are other people (especially children, but other loved ones too) who have expectations of the season and will be disappointed if you choose not to do things. Fair enough if there aren't such people in your life, or you are happy telling them you're not doing xyz and letting them be disappointed/upset, but social pressures/the wish to be liked are real things for a lot of people.

I don't feel stressed personally, I quite like it. The only real stress is money but we make it work, and with the deals on veg in the days before Christmas, Christmas dinner will be no more expensive than our usual roast (FIL provides additional meats)

I do try make life easy for ourselves though, chicken instead of turkey, I start present shopping in September to spread the cost and wrap in batches when I get the urge at night, my present shopping is 100% done and all wrapped. Stocking stuffers are done and I've filled the stockings once to check they're both equal and everything actually fits.

I'm an overplanner, and every December Christmas becomes my fixation. I have multiple lists - present lists for everyone, they get checked off as purchased, crossed out when arrived and highlighted once wrapped. Our shopping for the week is planned and costed so I know almost exactly what I will be spending on food and from which shops.

All that's left to do is actually go shopping then the Christmas eve set up which doesn't take long. OH will pre-cook a couple of the meats a day or 2 before and does the Christmas dinner (he does all the cooking tbf), he doesn't find it stressful, but we just do a roast with extra meat and veg, no starter, dessert is trifle or yule log.

Now I'm all planned and ready I have zero things pulling me away from my (self employed) work, so I'll (hopefully) be able to sit and focus properly for the next week 😅

We're also only hosting FIL, who isn't fancy and is an easy guest

We are a Christian country whether you like it or not. HTHs.

So wrap while they are out of the house?

@TheCurious0rangeIt’s not about whether Christmas can be cheap or simple. It’s about the assumptions baked into what you’re describing - having the time, energy, space, stable income, and other adults able to help. For a lot of people, especially those juggling multiple jobs, caring responsibilities, illness, insecure housing or money arriving late, that “just organise better” option doesn’t exist.

That’s the privilege being pointed out - not a fancy Christmas, but being insulated from those constraints.

And a tough upbringing doesn’t mean you’re permanently exempt from privilege, especially when you’re no longer living under those conditions.

For me, the stress doesn't come from one thing- it's lots of things at once, mostly not actually Christmas related.

busiest period at work so overtime. Plus parents night/career night/university open nights. Add in trying to shop etc and family obligations.

my kids are older now and Christmas Day is a nice relaxed affair. But the run up to it is stressful. What keeps me going is the down time we are lucky to have in between Christmas and new year

I know you're literally describing my upbringing, lack of stability , financial issues, single parent family for a lot of it. You can either choose to be stressed about it or do what you can and don't worry about the rest

I offer to host Christmas every year. Every year my relative refuses on the grounds I "don't have enough space". Now this would make sense if I had an enormous family but I cannot remember a time we have ever had more than 6 for Christmas. But no, instead we have a complainathon about the amount of work.

I would be happy to host it. And I'd actually cook some decent roast potatoes rather than us having to eat aunt Bessie ones.

I think when you have young kids opting out isn’t really an option

Of course it is. You decide how its going to be.

Yes I don't think jesus is telling you to get up at 6am to drive your wains to two different Santas on Saturday before spending a month's salary at the out of town shopping centre on straight to landfill plastic detritus

Yes plenty of martyrs around. As for ‘judgey relatives’ - don’t invite them! We like what we like and don’t expect anyone else to change their ways for us, and the same goes if anyone comes to us.

I havnt celebrated christmas for decades. I dont have children or a partner. I am also self employed so for me christmas is just an opportunity to shut my shops for a week, turn off the phone, dont check emails and just do what I want. Social pressure and what other people think of me does not figure in my life as anything significant.

Solidarity. I've wrapped all presents with masking tape this year. I cut the paper into "sheets" whilst DD was playing so that late night wrapping sessions are as quiet as possible. (DD can sleep through drilling but the second I turn the page of a book or so much as touch the sellotape she is awake. Good luck!!

You should write a self-help book. Imagine the people you could help.

We don't have secure housing - just don't worry about it.

I can't afford to put food on the table - chill out.

My child is seriously ill - well choose not to let it stress you out.

My partner is abusive - do what you can and don't stress about the rest.

I'm a carer for my elderly mother - just choose not to find that stressful.

I'd go as far as to say that you're actually being selfish to keep this wisdom to yourself. Imagine if everyone knew they could just choose not to be stressed by their life circumstances!

The stoics did that