To think if you find Trad Christmas stressful just don't do it?

[Pavementworrier]

I quite like English midwinter foods and beverages so I'm happy to engage for these

But otherwise cmon this country is no longer majority Christian so why isn't everyone chilling the heck out

Do what you want

Stop acting like stuff is compulsory when it isn't

Why can people not do the big Christmas thing why would you need a self help book to just say no, come around we will eat normal bit nice food and that is it

We are talking about houses or jobs or ill children or elderly parents qe are saying no to spending months planning for one day

Just say no

Some people get a lot out of feeling like they have sacrificed themselves for others, and being a martyr. So while you are correct, Christmas doesn't have to be stressful at all, subconsciously they like it!

That was meant to say we are NOT talking about houses etc.

I'm not sure what Britain being or not being a Christian country has to do with it really. Most people's Christmas celebrations have zero to do with the religious origins or traditions these days. People don't get stressed and in debt because they are trying to impress baby Jesus but because it's expected by family or Insta or kids or whatever.

Having said that I do agree with the poster who said it is often of peoples' own making and whilst you can't choose circumstances you can choose how you feel about it. You raise your own kids to have the expectations you want them to have...mine know there is a limit, that a wish list is not a shopping list. My family rotate hosting in various combinations and "versions" of Christmas depending on who is doing it. It absolutely can be managed without the level of mania sometimes seen on here.

If you have all of those things on your plate I'd suggest you've got much bigger problems and it's isn't Christmas causing you stress. This thread wasn't even aimed at that though was it? Most of the good folk of Mumsnet who are writing threads about how stressful Christmas is aren't in that position by a long shot, most of them haven't experienced even half of what I have. You can be obtuse and take any situation to extremes but you're being disingenuous.

How??

Totally agree with you - the stress some people put themselves through every year is just crazy to me. Christmas is my favourite time of year because we do precisely fuck all for two weeks 😂

Totally agree

Young children is the easiest stage to keep it simple. You buy them whatever presents you deem sensible and have a normal roast dinner with a few extras thrown in as a Christmas dinner. Let them see Santa at nursery/school or any free/cheap community event. They are happy to play with their new presents all day. Christmas crafts and baking if you want a pre-Christmas activity.

I'm still trying to find the right balance of chilled out and lowkey with Xmas magic.

I don't cook a standard Xmas Dinner (too many years of being force fed mushy sprouts) or have a regimented Xmas day. I don't want any gifts, I am so fussy that no one has ever got me something that I love. I used to love buying gifts, I spent ages trying to find the perfect gift for someone, often something personalised and receiving a bottle of wine or chocs I hate in return. It all seems like a waste of money.

I buy (as much as I can afford) gifts that my kids have asked for. We have a vote on what we want to eat for Xmas Day, this year half of us are having steak, the other half are having Indian takeaway. I start on the bucks fizz for breakfast and don't do rushing around all day. This year is the first year I've not done cards, I'm still feeling antsy that I should send a couple out. I've still not bought all gifts yet, usually I'm done by November.

I spent my childhood seeing my Mum run ragged at Xmas, barely leaving the kitchen. I did this for a few years whilst my kids were little but it's just not worth it so I stopped.

There’s more mental load at Christmas I find. I do make it as easy as possible, food shop is delivered, majority of pressies are bought on line . I keep a list and tick off when they are bought/wrapped/ delivered. We usually do a Santa visit and some form of light show but for various reasons we haven’t bothered this year. There’s works do and Christmas catch up with friends. All the school stuff- nativity, carol singing, church visit, Xmas party, Xmas jumper day, Xmas dinner, panto visit all with things to remember attached.
last year I was in hospital and it all survived without me so this year I’ve made a really effort not to overdo it. But there is added stress for a lot of people but also added fun.

Keep going, I’ve almost filled my MN Christmas bingo card 😂

I don’t find it stressful (apart from dealing with my parents, but that’s not Christmas-specific). It helps that I like cooking and I’m not short of money.

You’re not talking about just Christmas though. Your day to day life sounds bloody hard and yes I can imagine Christmas makes it even harder.

We are moving house tomorrow so we decided not to do Christmas this year and spend the 4 day weekend unpacking and getting straight. I am a bit concerned this might become the norm as it has been so chilled, even with the stress of moving.

I cant not do it, because the bit I find stressful is my extended family's expectation to be seen at christmas, whilst they are divorced, estranged from each other, and other complications so they cant all be in a room together. Which means they start to behave oddly towards me in the run up to christmas if I havent made firm plans, then they sulk after Christmas if my plans werent what they hoped. Its about a 2 month window of irritating behaviour.

I cannot get through christmas without really upsetting someone whatever plans I make or dont make. I can only vary the quantity of people I upset.

In terms of gifts, food, decorations, and christmas events. Very easy. No stress.

I agree it’s mostly other people’s expectations that make Christmas stressful.

In my case it’s my young adult dc who is Christmas mad who comes home for Christmas and wants to see the whole extended family for food/drinks and merriment (in my house and at my expense).

For me it’s now become something to “get through and stay sane” rather than something to look forward to, which is a shame as I loved Christmas when the dc were kids.

My perfect Christmas now would be to escape the madness and go away with the dc and their partners to a shared cottage somewhere where I don’t get to be “in charge”, have lots of walks by the sea and just eat mainly cheese.

You don’t have to bow to other people’s expectations for an easy life.

I know. I dont bow to them as that would actually be impossible. Bowing to one person would mean escalating another.

My not bowing to them is what causes the upset. Literally anything I do, causes emotional outbursts, some pretty extreme. It doesnt change my course of action, but id have to be a robot to not feel stressed by it.

There is no easy life option. I could cut of my entire family forever, but they do have good points in the summer months

Ah, I’ve got you. That does sound stressful

And... is there a point to be made here?

For me, the success and ease of Christmas lies in strong but flexible boundaries. "This is what I'd like to do, this is what I'm willing to compromise on, and this is a non-negotiable..." (Obviously not phrased like that, because I don't believe in being unnecessarily inflammatory). We're having DF and DFiL for Christmas lunch, at the time we'd normally eat, with the food we'd usually have (traditional turkey, because that's what the kids like). I'll cater for additional preferences but not change my entire day around.