To accept I’m not going to talk to my partner again?

[Balloonspoppped]

Obviously a bit ott but every time we try to speak we just … can’t. The kids just interrupt endlessly. Obviously tell them not to but carry on. One is only two so I get he won’t understand yet but the other one is five and surely should understand waiting? Or am I being unrealistic? I don’t get it; surely they wait at school.

2 is young but not too young to start to be told not to interrupt.

I was always perplexed my my mates with young kids would be in the middle of an adult conversation and child would interrupt and they’d turn and child would have full attention.

Of course if child needs something, is hurt or needs a drink that’s not what I mean.

From age 2 we taught our kids ‘grownups having a conversation, say ‘excuse me’ and we’ll pay you attention when there’s a pause in the conversation’. It’s just basic manners and I think we’re expecting too little by assuming kids can’t learn them.

My kids definitely not perfect by the way and still often forget but at least we hold to it.

This is a parenting issue OP, it’s up to you if you are one of those parents that allows this or not. Your 5 year old may be a little upset by you being firmer and making them wait but that’s ok. Proper conversation happens when they are in bed of course

I don’t think I allow it but when you say ‘don’t interrupt’ and they just ignore you it’s kind of hard to have the conversation regardless. Child no1 just will not take no for an answer: just carries on shouting MUMMY … MUMMY.

I am with you by the way; I hate it. Just at a loss as to how to actually stop it!

Well what happens when you say not to interrupt and the 5 year old ignores you? What’s the next step?

this is a very annoying trait that children have - you just have to keep explaining to them until the message sinks in.

We resorted to having dinner just the two of us when the kids had gone to bed and talking then, with no mobile phones. Would that be an option?

What should it be? I’m genuinely asking. I would love a solution to this issue!

Im genuinely asking too! Is that where you give up? Or do you repeat not interrupting, advise of consequences for not listening and follow through?

I think it’s more when there’s something quite pressing we need to discuss, like just now we were quickly trying to go through the car that broke down and ds just would not stop interrupting with nonsense!

He does never stop talking generally. I have a few times asked him to stop and he just carries on.

A trick I found worked for us (not saying everyone!) was to teach them, if they’re asked to wait, to put a hand on a leg/ arm of yours and you place your hand on top - they then know that you’ve heard them and that you’ll answer when appropriate
stopped the incessant “mummy mummy mummy” haha

So you say ‘ds don’t interrupt’ or variations on this theme ‘let us finish talking, take turns’ (tried pitting hand on our leg for attention; hasn’t worked) and he doesn’t … so then what should the approach be?

Haha cross post. It hasn’t worked, mostly I think because he just never stops so it isn’t that he actually has something he wants to tell us, just wants our full attention.

When they are shouting MUMMY get down to their level, look in the eye and with a no-nonsense tone remind them that you’ve asked them to wait and please do not shout, you will listen as soon as you have finished your adult talking. If they ignore this then use whatever consequence you have set up in your household for not listening to instructions. Thinking Spot maybe? Repeat. Repeat.
It doesn’t take that long for them to learn as long as you stick to your guns and also if you show “not interrupting” by example as well - so make sure you and DH don’t interrupt etc.

It doesn’t matter though … not if they are just yelling mummy from the thinking spot or whatever, I guess the point is they’ve still stopped us talking.

What consequences do you set for interrupting?

This! There should be a consequence for not sticking to your rules. I bet he doesn't do it to his teacher.

None, what should there be? I can’t think of anything that would be effective, to be honest.

We have a 2.5 and 4 yo, and it's the same. And we do (try to) teach them to wait until we are finished.

The eldest is worse. He has always had a tendency to expect us to acknowledge everything he says though (EVERYTHING! It used to drive us mad when he was younger and we had to acknowledge every mention of a car, bird, tree... Then we got him a sister 😄).

But more seriously I think he's at that age where he wants to position himself with "the grown ups". He understands what we are asking from him, but doesn't understand why what he wants to say isn't as important as what we are talking about.

Why is that stopping you talking? Shut the door on him and ignore him and continue your conversation.

How do you get them to do anything you want them to do? Try a version of that.

If only they had a mute button. So tiny, so very loud and persistent…😂

You are right OP. The 5 year old would not do this at school.

After you have said DS don’t interrupt mum and dad are having an important conversation. Then you say ‘be quiet’ with the firm scary voice.
After that there would either be a consequence or you just ignore him as if he isn’t talking.

@Bearbookagainandagain same … it’s frustrating as it’s just gibberish. ‘Daddy … daddy … DADDY … have you gone upstairs?’ What?

@TeeBee he can open doors. We don’t generally leave the room when we’re talking. Maybe we should start. But he’d just follow us.

@EyeLevelStick I am still wondering! Generally a mix of coercion, bribery, persuasion and threats. This one has me flummoxed; there seems no way of stopping it.

@Ritaskitchen and seconds after that I would hear ‘mummy …’

I just remind them that X was talking and they need to wait and return to my conversation. Initially they may have continued trying to talk but I literally ignored them and just kept talking, louder if needed. And then make a point at the earliest convenient moment of turning to them and very deliberately saying "thank you for waiting, name, what is it you wanted to tell me". They got the message pretty quickly and now just wait when I say it because they know I will come to their question/conversation as soon as I can. I do try and keep the duration to a minimum though, unless it's a life or death situation most adult conversations can probably wait until they are in bed, so most of the time this is when I'm talking to one DC and the other wants to say something so a relatively short wait but I have done it for longer adult conversations when absolutely necessary

you need to learn to filter it out.

so Bob, that car....
Mommy!!!
Hang on Jeffrey, I'm talking to Daddy. So, the car...
But Mommymommymommymommy.
Jeffrey, I'm talking to Daddy. I will talk to you when I've finished. Now go into the living room. The car....
MOMMMMMMMMMYY!!!!!!
...is now green because Susan spilt her paint can and....
Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom
...it won't come off, so I'm leaving it....
Moooooooooooommmmyy.....
green. yes Jeffrey, what do you want?
Hello Mommy!

Comparing how they behave at school isn't really helpful IMO. Children are generally much better behaved with about anyone else but their parents, and particularly authority figures like teachers.

We do "repeat repeat repeat" like another poster has said, and hope that it will eventually work. We do see some improvements when he's in a good mood.
And if not we just ignore him and continue to speak (my husband finds it very hard though so tends to give up).

Our nursery teacher also advised to practice with games or role play where they have to wait for their turn to speak and give their ideas (e.g. could be role play about being in a rocket, and they take turn choosing a planet etc).