To accept I’m not going to talk to my partner again?

[Balloonspoppped]

Obviously a bit ott but every time we try to speak we just … can’t. The kids just interrupt endlessly. Obviously tell them not to but carry on. One is only two so I get he won’t understand yet but the other one is five and surely should understand waiting? Or am I being unrealistic? I don’t get it; surely they wait at school.

There is no way to filter ds out. Believe me I have tried. Foghorns have nothing on him. I have actually wondered if we have town criers in our ancestry.

@Bearbookagainandagain i know … I know ds behaves fine at school and generally doesn’t really interrupt (or if he does will wait) if I’m talking to a friend. It’s just DH.

The person holding the wooden spoon with the smiley face , it is their turn to speak. Everyone else has their voice in their pocket until it is their turn to talk.
Works wonders

Does it? I can’t imagine it working … but it is worth a shot!

Star chart. Get a packet of stickers, and they earn towards a reward for doing as you say regarding this. May be a little young for that to sink it totally yet, but it may help, certainly for the future.

Persistence on your behalf, you have to out persist a persistent child! Just keep reminding and ignore in between and of course praise when they do wait.

I am still wondering! Generally a mix of coercion, bribery, persuasion and threats. This one has me flummoxed; there seems no way of stopping it.

Hey OP, I noticed this list of ways you get them to do anything doesn’t include consequences. It should be an escalation, so for me, the order would go: persuasion —> coercion —> bribery —> promise of consequences if behavior doesn’t stop (these are NOT “threats”) —> give the consequence promised. Did you say he just keeps yelling from “the thinking step”? Is the thinking step a gentle parenting version of the naughty step? (Genuinely asking; not judgment or anything). If he KEEPS doing the behavior, then the consequence is that he goes to his room by himself (for a SHORT amount of time, as I do understand he’s only 5). But yes, you have to:

• state the consequence
• follow through on the consequence
• have a secondary consequence if the first doesn’t work; remember - this is meant to stop a behavior, not punish them

So. He won’t stop yelling “MUMMY MUMMY,” while you are talking. You tell him he will have to go sit somewhere else if he can’t be quiet and wait. He continues to yell “MUMMY MUMMY”? You follow through on the consequence and remove him from the table. If you use a step and he keeps yelling “MUMMY MUMMY” from the step, then next stage would be that he goes in his bedroom and you’ll come back in X minutes if he’s quiet.

I was raised by my grandparents who were very old-fashioned, and if I had been yelling “GRAN GRAN” when she was trying to talk… it just would never have happened, not considered acceptable when I was 5 and definitely not acceptable any older.

NOTE: If any of my comment offends you or you feel it questions your parenting, that is 100% not my intention. You sound like a caring mum just trying to g to find a solution. I hope something works for you!!!

Sounds like it's something that you are going to have to train them into. I saw something online where you agree a signal, say they touch a specific part of your body when they want to interrupt. You then touch back with an agreed signal too. So, maybe they grab your thumb, and then you place your hand over their fist. This gives an unambiguous, 'I've seen you want to talk and will pay you attention shortly' signal without having to get into a 'stop interrupting battle'.

I think the thing is you are letting him win. He needs to start losing! This is a bit like when children won't stay in bed when they are little. The initial stages of teaching them to do that feature so many annoying trips to put them back but consistency does tend to work in the end.

You need to put your son somewhere where he can't disturb your conversation and just keep calmly putting him back there until he knows he isn't going to be able to get out of the consequence of interrupting you. If he doesn't want to go, then he needs to be quiet. If he isn't quiet he goes to his room or wherever and if he comes out you return him.

Otherwise, you're right, you're not going to have a conversation with your partner for quite some years.

Any sort of consequence for ds hasn’t been effective yet although I do try them in an attempt to feel like I’m parenting. It doesn’t really work though.

I’ve tried that @StrawberrySquash and it can be effective when you’re talking to another adult but when I’m talking to dh it isn’t. Frustrating.

How did you teach other manners? What worked?

What consequences have you tried? I suggested putting him somewhere away from you since you say he wants attention and this is the opposite of that so shows him that his behaviour isn't getting him what he wants.

If he can restrain himself at school then he’s capable of doing it at home. I would suggest doing some role play games where you take it in turns to speak, practice waiting and demonstrate how annoying it is to be interrupted by interrupting him.

Then practice ways of waiting but showing you’d like to speak like putting your hand up. And weed out silly attention seeking interruptions with more role play and discussion about needing to wait , listen and be listened to.

It will take time but even the little one should be able to understand gentle hand signal and ‘wit a minute please.’

Agree we did: child puts hand on arm of adult (or leg if little), adult puts hand over to confirm they’ve heard request but child has to wait until adult hasn’t finished speaking to ask their question. DS10 still used it

It’s still a work in progress but just constant reminders.

I am sure it will work, just wondering when. I do kind of feel like the kids dominate my every waking moment; they dominate the tv, conversation, everything, I guess it’s normal, or normal enough anyway. Maybe it gets easier.

Oh he’s capable but just doesn’t … I don’t seem to be able to get through to him on this matter and his talking generally.

How about telling your 5yo that it’s rude? Why can t you say that. Ask them if they do it at school. Make them think about their behaviour.

Of course I’ve said that, but it doesn’t work, doesn’t make a difference.

If mine had done this I would have picked them up and put them out side the room closed the door and held it shut. It’s not helpful to a conversation but it gets the point across . ‘You’re not that important ALL the time’ is a good lesson to learn.

We used the same tactic as @flightless55. Admittedly, after —too long— quite some time of allowing DD to interrupt.

i explained the rule (put your hand on my arm and I will give you my full attention when I have finished my conversation) and the carried it through. If she interrupted, I ignored her until i was ready. Once I was available to give her my attention, I started with a firm telling off and then we continued with whatever convo she was trying to have.

It took a while and I’m sure she felt neglected. But it taught her good manners in a consistent and fair way. It also taught her that when I said I’d give her my full attention, I meant it.

i’m not saying this would work for every family. I hope you find a tactic that works for you.

What are the consequences to the children for continuing to interrupt you when they've been told not to?

Because it sounds like there aren't any. So probably not all that difficult to understand why they continue to do it. You allow them to.

Is it important? No. Ok then please wait your turn. Should there be an increase in noise from the DC to be really quite rude rather than just forgetting for a moment, then there's five minutes' thinking time.