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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to be falling over myself to say congratulation on the expected baby

54 replies

EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 18:29

DP has a friend who is 40 going on 12.
At the end of last year he left his partner and child to move in with a woman he met on the intrenet, saying his partner was trying to control him..... Turns out he said he wanted to quit yet another job and she said ok but get a new job first, not exactly trying to rule his world is it!

So he moves away, in with this other woman who has a bit of money and 3 children.
He see little of his child and has still got no job and is not giving any money to his ex, who is working full time and doing a really good job raising their child.
Now I know what goes on in other peoples lives is nothing to do with me but.....

He called to say he and new woman (who he has now married) are going to have a baby, DP things this is great but I don't.
He has walked out on his child, he has no job and is very childish, and it would seem she is 12 weeks along but was here 4 weeks ago smoking and drank 4 yes ladies 4 bottles of wine.

By all accounts is still drinking and smoking too. DP can't wok out why I am not knitting booties!

I don't want to say oh lovely well done because that is not how I feel.
Have namechanged as DP snoops sometimes.

OP posts:
Remotew · 10/06/2008 19:18

It may be better for the child he left behind that he is not involved if it has a responsible, loving mother. I feel sorry for the wife if this is how he behaves.

YANBU just put up with it for your DP's sake but there is no need for you to get out the white wool.

Janos · 10/06/2008 19:18

Regardless of the ins and outs of the relationship a man who doesn't support his children is a low life plain and simple.

No of it is the babies fault of course but that doesn't make the dad to be a likeable person!

Given the circs OP I'm not suprised you aren't thinking how lovely it all is.

Hulababy · 10/06/2008 19:19

Did she know she was pregnant 4 weeks ago though? It would be very easy to be 8 weeks pregnant and not be aware of it.

Sanctuary · 10/06/2008 19:19

Maybe she did`nt know when she saw you 4 weeks ago that she was pregnant hence the drink and fags

Original poster
EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 19:20

He is the one who told us about the afairs, He is boasting about the women he chats up on my space, When they were here he was being a twat to her one minuet and sitting texting her on the next sofa (while his child was sat being ignored)the next while his Ex did not know he had sat in all day with the child as she had given him money to take the child out!!!!

DP admits he is childish and prone to footstamping.

OP posts:
Original poster
EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 19:22

THEY DID KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT WHEN THEY WERE HERE DPs MATE TOLD HIM, BUT THE WERE WAITING TILL THE 12 WEEK SCAN TO TELL PEOPLE.
sHE PUT AWAY 4 BOTTLES KNOWING SHE HAD A LIFE INSIDE HER

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 19:24

Sorry Desi.

This is just really similar to my friends situation and it was awful for everyone, the way his XW was treated by everyone.

Back to smiling everyone

Oh, and I a getting off this thread because I can't be bothered discussing someone else's life through a third party.

DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 19:25

You said in the OP that he called to say they were having a baby, and now you are saying he told DP when he was at your house...

Oh god I can't be bothered with this.

Stop shouting though.

umberella · 10/06/2008 19:26

Eddi they both sound like assholes. you're not being unreasonable. the poor bloody baby.

Original poster
EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 19:30

He called at the weekend to say they were having a baby, he told DP they knew when they were staying with us but did not tell us then (4 weeks ago)because they wanted to wait to the 12 week scan (last week) before telling anyone.

They knew, she knew and was drinking, but they waited to tell people after the scan.... clear now??

OP posts:
Desiderata · 10/06/2008 19:31

We're cool, dsm!

He does sound like a grade A turkey for a 40 year old, though.

CrushWithEyeliner · 10/06/2008 19:33

poor baby indeed - 4 bottles over 2 days plus fags. Those who are commenting that it's not that much do you honestly think that is an OK amount for a PG Woman? .

Dragonhart · 10/06/2008 19:36

YANBU. That is way too much to drink when pregnant, and smoking in pregnancy is unforgivable imo. I think that if you cant give those things up for your baby (or atleast drink in moderation) then it doesnt say alot about what sort of parent you will be.

As for his relationships, I think that the part that is bad is that he is not supporting his child or seeing him/her. If he cant be a dad to one child, irrespective of the relationship with the mum, then there is little hope for the new baby.

fryalot · 10/06/2008 19:39

YABU

Tis not actually any of your business, really, is it?

If you are concerned for the unborn baby, report them to social services.

It does sound like a lot to drink, and I am not saying that smoking while pregnant is okay, but it is nothing to do with you how they choose to live their lives.

Kimi · 10/06/2008 19:42

I drank a bottle of bubbly new years eve 99/00 and found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later and was worried sick till I had my scan.

Yes it is a lot to drink
Yes he should support his child he has already
yes it is silly to smoke and drink when pregnant.

frankiesbestfriend · 10/06/2008 19:49

YANBU.

Why would you be pleased that a man who is not supporting the child he already has is creating another child with a woman he met on the internet?

4 bottles of wine knowing you are pregnant is appalling and shows little regard for the health of your child.

It is not a case of it not being the op's business, she was asking if she is BU for not being pleased for them.

Why is your dp so happy about the situation? If this were my friend I would be concerned about them and their unborn child's health and future (un)happiness.

Original poster
EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 20:00

Well for those of you who think it is nothing to do with me, I said in the OP what goes on in other peoples lives is nothing to do with me.

For those who have said it is 3rd party gossip, it is what DPs friend has said and what his partner has said, both said much the same, he said she was controlling him not leting him leave his job and she said he left cause she told him not to leave job til he had another one.

For those of you who think 4 bottles of wine when pregnant is ok cheers.

For those of you who can see why I don't feel pleased for them so dont want to lie and say oh how wondreful, thank you.

OP posts:
umberella · 10/06/2008 20:09

they are just bear baiting.

it is clearly not ok.

ignore 'em, they've moved on anyway!

MrsMacaroon · 11/06/2008 10:23

agree with umbrella about bear baiting- i couldn't be nice to such idiots (the bloke and the pregnant lush).

kitsmummy · 11/06/2008 12:32

YANBU, I'd be judging him too, in fact i am now, he sounds like an arse. And she sounds well suited to him if she's drinking. Neither of them deserve to have kids.

fryalot · 11/06/2008 12:37

so, let me get this right,

they have made life-style choices that we all know are wrong, but it is their lives

the op fully accepts that it is none of her business, yet feels the need to start a thread complaining about their life-style choices.

And forty odd posters come on here to join in with the bitching about these people (who the majority of them have never met)

and I'm bear baiting?

ok

jellybeans · 11/06/2008 13:42

YANBU I wouldn't be congratulating him either, or maybe through gritted teeth.

frankiesbestfriend · 11/06/2008 14:39

Don't think the op started the thread to complain about their lifestyle choices, Squonk, she was complaining about her dp's expectation that she should be pleased for them.

girlywhirly · 11/06/2008 15:58

YANBU at all. How can you congratulate anyone who puts their unborn child at such risk. Lets hope the medical profession can stop the mother before she really damages it, if the pregnancy survives..........

Original poster
EddiBritt · 11/06/2008 17:06

frankiesbestfriend thank you, you get what I am saying.

DP feels I should be pleased for them and ring up and gush how very lovely.......

I do not care how they live their lives and I was not getting at them, Judging maybe BUT how many threads here have (and I have been here 5 years now) have been woman saying how their DH/DP has run off with another woman who has then been labled every marriage wrecking whore you can think of, how many posts have been about dads not paying for their children (I love it when my taxes fullfil the role of a father).

Anyone who thinks drinking 4 bottles of wine when in the first trimester (or any other time) is a muppet, and anyone who thinks I should feel it is ok is a bigger muppet.

They run the risk of their child having hugh problems....and knowing the dad to be as I do if that baby is born anythin less then perfect he will be gone faster the a whippet on speed (he has made comments anout one of my children/withdrew a birthday party invite as my child is SN (nothing to do with anything I did while pregnant.)

SO maybe I should lie to them, (something I was brought up not to do) and say well done, so happy for you..... what a great example to set my own children!

Some days I just love mumsnet or should it be PCnet

OP posts: