To think parasocial relationships are kind of… pathetic?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I’ve been seeing more and more people talk about celebrities or influencers like they personally know them - defending them online, analysing their every move, even falling out with friends over them. It just feels a bit sad? I get liking someone’s content or admiring their talent but when you start acting like their unpaid PR rep… I don’t know, it gives me the ick.

AIBU to think parasocial relationships are getting out of hand and that it’s all a bit pathetic, especially in grown adults?

Well I don't understand influencers at all - sorry no I understand why THEY do it I just do not understand people needing them to show them things like how to plate up a meal or something. I won't say I have not watched them reels but seriously do I need to know what a person on a different continent ordered in McDonalds drive thru and then ate like a donkey in their car? Who gets 'influenced' by that? Celebs I have no idea I mean at least I guess in most cases they at least started out with a talent of some sort.

I honestly don't know anyone who does this. I have never heard the word parasocial before either.

I opened this to find out what parasocial was. I have not experianced this at all.
It sounds mad.

There have always been parasocial people but the Internet took it to a whole other level.

There's a group of people who spend too much time on tiktok and the internet in general - it becomes their whole world. People are making chatgpt their best friend for Christ's sake! And, as you say, becoming overly invested in some random influencer online.

I think it's a sign of how fragmented our society is and how lonely many people are. It's sad but also pathetic. I feel sorry for those type of people but also have zero respect for them.

I don't know about "parasocial" but I can't abide the influencer shit. I mostly look up travel and for every destination there is a woman with a floaty frock and a big hat recommending the places where she got a freebie or a discount. I've seen some in action, even with a whole team, handing them hats, scarves, sunglasses etc in front of the thing you want to take a photo of. I wish they'd all fuck off.

What sort of sad social circles are you moving in where you're witnessing this?

There are a couple of young male popstars, Benson Boone and Youngblud, both of whom have fans who act as if they are close personal friends, making them clothes, baking them cakes, hanging round venues for hours after a gig, to get a glimpse of them. This is all played out on Reddit, X and Instagram.

Yeah, I think it has got totally out of hand
It's always happened, though

I had the misfortune of sitting next to a lady on a bus who thought that someone from a boy band had had a fake baby and was very angry about it. I think she was about my age at the time. I think I was in my 30s.

And from the point of view of the famous person, you have no idea when that's going to tip over into insanity or stalking

If you're doing stage door signings, for example, it can be quite freaky.

I used to go to the stage door to get my programme signed, and I've been lucky and met the playwrights as well on a couple of occasions. This was back in the day when it wasn't particularly normal to be at the stage door, so actors were often pleased to see anyone there at all.

I stopped doing it ages ago, because the parasocial lot are scary. And I do not want to be considered one of them.

I wouldn't like to judge too harshly, it must be due to neurodiversity, learning difficulties or complex trauma. Reading your thread title I thought parasocial referred to relationships with ghosts 👻. Now that would be fascinating.

There have x always been people like this- people who abused Linda McCartney for marrying Paul etc. I think unfriended are more insidious because they encourage it. They pretend that they are their friends, they pretend that their curated lives are real and they pretend to be these peoples friends. But it is also the fault of businesses who use them to get round advertising reguations. The whole ' infuencer' thing needs far more regulation. I never read the Influencer threads on Tattle but that was really the only place where these charlatans were being exposed and they are trying to get it shut down.

I ws presented by a post from a fashion brand owner/influencer the other day (inc her kids) on Facebook. The comments underneath from people who clearly don't know her personally, were both cringe and terrifying in equal measure. I do wonder if she stays awake at night wondering if any of these weirdos will rock up to her house thinking they're besties. Modern day marketing is not for the faint-hearted!

There have been slightly sad people who don’t have social lives and live in a fantasy world where celebrities are their friends for decades.

Social media has just amplified it.

These people are and always have been a bit pathetic. There are just more silly things for them to glom onto and infinitesimal platforms for them to talk about it on.

I think I saw Tom Scott - you tuber -talking about this about how youtube and platforms like this sort of push them for more views - give more personal info out to hook viewers build that realtionship up.

Parasocial - basically you get very intersted in you tuber or celeb life - watch their videos start to think your in a relationship of some sort ie I'm their biggest fan and peson in question has no idea other side even exists.

I think it's been there since movie and pop stars became a thing or maybe even before that but now it's being even more monetized to sell shit and get around ad rules.

I don't think it's great but probably a symptom of something else less connections in todays societies less money to go to pubs and local places where you'd meet people in local areas.

And now people are taking advice from AI and talk as if chatgpt is their best friend, and if you say anything defend the computer!

It’s online behaviour, not real life. Benedict Cumberbatch has some very intense fans, as does David Tennant. In both cases, the fans don’t accept that the men are happily married with children. These aren’t teenagers either, which makes it more alarming.

This. It is frightening imo, how some people are already reliant on this. It will just become commonplace, soon enough, sadly.

I worked with a girl who lead a whole fantasy life of how she was going out with an EXTREMELY famous rock star…she would give us daily briefing if what they’d done, where they’d been etc...some co-workers were taken in, I just thought WTF? When said rock star took his own life she went on sick leave.
Not sure if this was parasocial, delusional or just plain mad.

Some Mumsnetters have parasocial relationships with members of the royal family. They can have a lovely love fest or a lovely feud without any risk of personal pain or grief. I can’t decide whether it’s good or bad for society at large.

I like Taylor Swift, but when she went out with Matty Healey (who, to be fair, was grim, treated her badly and had been stringing her along as "the one that got away" for years) there were so many fans who were absolutely raging on a personal level that it was quite scary. It's not really down to fans to approve someone's partner!

DD does this to a degree. She has learning difficulties and attachment disorder. When the people she admires write songs, or say something in a statement, she genuinely believes they are talking to her.

The same with Father Christmas. When I told her that it was actually me who bought presents and put them in her stocking/under the tree, she didn’t believe me. She’s 27.

I didn't want to be the person who mentioned it 😂 because someone here will say I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift!

In reality, I know nothing about her personal life unless she puts it on her own official channel

and the first I heard of this was when somebody asked me how I felt about my two favourite contemporary songwriters dating each other!

I think the related song is absolute genius. "sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see"

I think there's a few British actors who moved to Hollywood partly because it was easier for them to hide from crazy fans. It's quite frightening how much of it there is. and it must be awful to actually have to make that move with that being partly the reason, though hopefully they like where they are.

last stage show I saw was Inside No 9. People had gifts, which is nice and I'm sure 99% of those people are well intentioned.

However, my friend and I were wondering, if you get given a box of chocolates or something, does it automatically go in the bin? It must do?

People invest themselves in such relationships to fill a void in their own lives/thought processes/emotional needs etc.
Same with football teams. Grown adults getting in a tizz because some rich people lost a game. 🤷

Yes

But when they stop seeing people as humans, and just see them as products to consume, that's actually quite a serious problem. And I do have to question the basic state of mind of those people.

It baffles me. I can only assume their lives are quite empty and lonely?