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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think parasocial relationships are kind of… pathetic?

32 replies

TheTaupeMoose · 15/12/2025 14:42

I’ve been seeing more and more people talk about celebrities or influencers like they personally know them - defending them online, analysing their every move, even falling out with friends over them. It just feels a bit sad? I get liking someone’s content or admiring their talent but when you start acting like their unpaid PR rep… I don’t know, it gives me the ick.

AIBU to think parasocial relationships are getting out of hand and that it’s all a bit pathetic, especially in grown adults?

OP posts:
TaupeRaven · 16/12/2025 10:52

YANBU. The whole "Celebrity name> can do no wrong" is a concept for people who have yet to mature enough to realise that humans are flawed; it's the very nature of being human.

I, a Swiftie (don't come at me for this, I can't be arsed defending my music choices 😂) criticised Taylor Swift's profiteering via releasing 264246843 versions of the same album, knowing young people would feel compelled to buy most of them to show how dedicated they are as fans. I got so many grown ass adults responding with "Mother wouldn't exploit us". She's not our mother and she's not the girl next door; she's a shrewd business woman and it's ridiculous and infantile to put a complete stranger on a pedestal and presume they'll be looking out for the best interests of people they don't even know exist.

HeadNorth · 16/12/2025 10:53

These wierdos have always existed. Pre social media you got the people setting up camp to watch the royal family go to church & knitting bootees for the royal offspring - they still do it. What about all that queing up to look at a wooden box that had a dead woman in it? All the nonsense over Princess Di was pre-social media & I remember when Take That split up there was a phone helpline set up.

Nowt so queer as folk & it was ever thus.

Anonanonanonagain · 16/12/2025 11:04

LilahDee · 16/12/2025 09:21

I wouldn't like to judge too harshly, it must be due to neurodiversity, learning difficulties or complex trauma. Reading your thread title I thought parasocial referred to relationships with ghosts 👻. Now that would be fascinating.

You are aware that being ND is not the reason for everything on this planet right? I see zero correlation and as I myself am ND and zero interest in celebrities, influencers and what have you I can assure this is not a typical ND thing.

I know of a family of three (mum, son and daughter) who all genuinely seem to think they are on a constant reality show. It is intriguing to watch especially as I have been close to them but absolutely everything is for the camera. It is the mother who has narcisisic tendancies and has raised two adults who now think they are the best thing since ice cream was invented. There is zero self awareness, everything is for instagram because when they were kids mummy had a camcorder and posted everything online. They are not famous nor as well known as they seem to think, do not make any money from this at all this is their genuine lives. If they are doing something non instagramable they almost feel like it is a waste of time.

TaupeRaven · 16/12/2025 11:08

LilahDee · 16/12/2025 09:21

I wouldn't like to judge too harshly, it must be due to neurodiversity, learning difficulties or complex trauma. Reading your thread title I thought parasocial referred to relationships with ghosts 👻. Now that would be fascinating.

I don't know that it "must" be due to those things. And also, lets not put every ridiculous notion in society down to ND, trauma, or learning disabilities . I am neurodiverse and have cPTSD, but I'm not an idiot and I hate this idea that people with these diagnoses somehow must be incapable of reasonable thought.

RainbowBagels · 16/12/2025 11:26

TaupeRaven · 16/12/2025 11:08

I don't know that it "must" be due to those things. And also, lets not put every ridiculous notion in society down to ND, trauma, or learning disabilities . I am neurodiverse and have cPTSD, but I'm not an idiot and I hate this idea that people with these diagnoses somehow must be incapable of reasonable thought.

Exactly. Its offensive to ND people to excuse people's frankly unpleasant/ weird/attention seeking behaviour as 'neurodiversity'. People with ND dont all go round obsessed with people unboxing hairdryers on Instagram!

FilterBubble · 16/12/2025 11:28

My Mum laps up celebrity gossip. Buys into hate campaigns etc. It's pretty disturbing. My brother has always been obsessed with pop stars since he was about 7 years old. There's no change. Both think they know more about these individuals and have closer bonds in some weird parasocial way than their close family. Internet has notched it up a level. During the pandemic a friend told me his close friend was tuning into an online account, probably on Twitch or something, where they watched someone play games, cook food, do exercises. It became a real focus. Some of this is the comfort of familiarity, but it is odd. That person I doubt will ever put you down or criticise you so you can feel quite safe whereas real life interactions can be challenging. As they have never wronged you, you feel you don't want them to be wronged. It's basic rules of engagement skewed into misplaced emotion. Plus the investment cause people to double down. Like Star Wars fans that invest so much in their fandom that they can never admit that many aspects of the franchise is hogwash.

AliasGrape · 16/12/2025 13:11

I think the extreme defensiveness is weird, but I also think the reverse where people get so irate about them is weird too.

I like Taylor Swift too, I think she does more good than many in her position, I quite like the music and enjoy sharing that with my daughter, and I will sometimes get drawn into a thread 'defending' her because I think she receives a level of scrutiny and criticism that no male artist seems to be subject to. But I've no idea if she's actually a nice person or not, no insight into the workings of her life or her relationships, I just think that on balance she's not a bad role model for young girls and she's held up to ridiculous standards. The absolute spiralling about her most recent album on some sections of the internet was quite something to behold!

On an 'influencer' level, I'm not generally very invested but I do like a good tiktok doomscroll. Most of my feed is comedy, books, cute or unusual animals, travel and people doing their makeup really well (I'm terrible so will never not find this fascinating) but there's a few just 'normal' mums (or maybe they just want you to think that) that come up regularly - obviously because I do pause on them long enough for the algorithm to keep serving it up. I scroll away from/block anyone who shares their kids as I don't agree with that, but I really don't mind watching someone cook a cottage pie or go to Aldi! There must be something wrong with my brain because it's objectively bizarre - and I promise I don't have an empty life, I have family, friends, a great job, interests etc but there's something comforting about the mindlessness of it all.

And I do see comments from people who say they don't get out much but seeing their content creator of choice go to nice places makes them feel they're seeing it for themselves, or it makes them feel a bit less alone to have a cup of tea in the morning with a creator who is also drinking their tea at the same time, they have food issues but seeing someone dish up their dinner has helped encourage them to try something new etc. Some people have difficulties or challenges in their lives that I'll never understand, so if feeling like a woman on tiktok is your mate and you're not so lonely because you get to see what she's bought at the supermarket that week then really, no harm done. I don't find it something to be sneered at - when I was going through one of the hardest and bleakest times of my life I used to just have Friends on constantly in the background all the time, I understand how meaningless background noise/ chatter with something familiar can be necessary. Where it gets dark is when these lonely people start to be exploited, or yes - when they go too far and start thinking it really is real.

But also - one woman I see come up a lot was talking about the grief and awful time she has from trolls and from people on the Tattle forum. I went down the rabbit hole a bit because I was intrigued, and started reading the comments on her videos and also found her tattle thread. To me, she's so wholly unproblematic possibly even dull - I mean she buys a lot of shit at B&M and Primark which from an environmental standpoint is a bit of a disaster, but generally I can't see anything terrible she's done at all and nothing on the thread enlightened me on the awful things shed apparently done to warrant all this abuse. And when I skim read similar threads for other people (who I'd never actually seen/ followed - just interested in what possessed these posters) it's all the same - the exact same accusations, the exact same justification, the exact same claims to know someone who knows someone who said XYZ about the person so actually they're evil. If they're a single mum it's what a terrible parent they are and the kids should go to the dad. This woman I do watch has had social services called on her multiple times, been reported to the RSPCA, the DVLA, god knows what else. All pretty much to no avail because there's no actual evidence she's doing anything wrong. People have spreadsheets and pages and pages of notes they collate to prove god knows what, total how much she's spent of her own money, argue that actually she said she didn't like mayonnaise but on 15th March 2021 she had a prawn mayo sandwich so there you go see, she's a lying evil cow. THAT I find utterly bizarre - I regret even getting sucked in to reading the threads it made me feel grubby honestly and I've not bothered since. But I just can't understand investing that amount of time, energy and vitriol into something/ someone you hate - just block and move on surely? That really is the sign of a sad and empty life to me.

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