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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the more kids someone has the more likely they are to all get on?

72 replies

frostytimes · 15/12/2025 12:46

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I am one of 5 and get on well with all my siblings. Everyone I know (anecdotal I know!) who comes from a bit family is close to their siblings. People I know, including my husband, who comes from smaller sibling sets seem to either not get on with or not be close to their siblings!?
Thinking about it more as I only have two 😩
or are larger sibling sets just more likely to be trauma bonded 😂

OP posts:
HoneyParsnipSoup · 15/12/2025 12:48

My family is HUGE (all 4/5/6 kids) and it’s a complex web of NC, LC and barely speaking

ReignOfError · 15/12/2025 12:59

I’m one of 5. I have cordial but distant relationships with two of my siblings, haven’t spoken to the other two in 52 and 24 years, apart from just after my dad’s funeral, and that was only to tell one of them to fuck off.

Obviously, I disagree with you.

SmaugTheMagnificent · 15/12/2025 13:07

I think it's more likely that they will learn to rub along (while they are all under the same roof anyway). You can escape one sibling in a small house, but you can't escape six! You need to learn to be civil, which is a useful life lesson.
But I don't think that it's more or less likely to lead to proper loving lifelong relationships.

A lot probably depends on the parents. Two parent family, both working part time so there's enough time with the kids, had lots of kids deliberately because they adore big families, and invest heavily in making sure sibling relationships are strong?
Or time-poor single parent whose other half has walked out after they accidentally conceived triplets after having three kids already, and barely enough time to put food on the table and do the laundry, let alone spend ages talking to little Jimmy about the value of his relationship with Stephanie?

ShamrockShenanigans · 15/12/2025 13:08

I'm one of 5 and while I get on ok with all of them, 2 or 3 don't get on with each other and never have.

I know a lot of big Irish families who would tell you the same really.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/12/2025 13:09

God no. Everyone I know who's part of a big family always has someone they're NC with

patooties · 15/12/2025 13:11

I’m one of ‘more than all these’ and am very close to 2 sisters, GLC with one—and so-so with the rest. I imagine we’ll have little to even less contact when our parents are gone.

Hotchocolateandmarshmellow · 15/12/2025 13:12

Nope, 4 siblings and some haven’t spoken in 5 years. We aren’t a close family.

SoftandQuiet · 15/12/2025 13:13

I have two children and they get on very well with each other and choose to spend time together now they are adults.

nomas · 15/12/2025 13:13

I know plenty of large families where the siblings barely tolerate each other or are NC.

TheRealMagic · 15/12/2025 13:14

I have honestly never met a big family who all get on, or where the kids think it was a good choice to have so many - which isn't to say they don't exist! My dad is one of 4 and doesn't speak to 2 of his 3 siblings. My mum is one of two and my aunt is one of her closest friends.

WhereIsMyLight · 15/12/2025 13:15

No, it’s all just luck if the personalities can work together. Adding more kids into the mix adds more personalities and the risk that one of those personalities is antagonist to the others.

CatsandRats · 15/12/2025 13:26

I don’t think so, I’m one of 6 and I don’t speak to any of my siblings. I have 4 children myself and none of them get on, constant arguments

Lakeyloo · 15/12/2025 13:26

My DP is one of 5 and I have never known a family to have so many falling outs. There is always someone who hasn't spoken to someone else for 2 or 3 years. In my experience the bigger the family, the more opinions and personalities there are !

Littlebuddh · 15/12/2025 13:36

Im one of 6 and only speak see and talk to one sibling.
That sibling is a twin and can not stand her twin.

My ex was one of 22 and he got on with none, he left the country in the end, and never came back, he said it was to much drama with them all.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/12/2025 14:37

It's got nothing to do with the number of siblings and everything to do with the family dynamic as a whole.

FWIW, my ex-SIL is one of six kids and her family is about as dysfunctional as it gets. They're all constantly falling out with each other, having rows, stopping speaking to one another for months/years at a time etc.

My nan had 12 siblings and always said that the more siblings you have, the more likely you are to have some you don't get on with, just through numbers alone. But I'm sure it's all just down to individual situations and personalities rather than the size of the family.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 15/12/2025 14:43

Yabu imo

BruFord · 15/12/2025 14:47

It's got nothing to do with the number of siblings and everything to do with the family dynamic as a whole.

@BauhausOfEliott I agree. DH is one of four and his Mum is one of five. In both generations, the siblings are kind and respectful towards each other, even though some of them have v. different personalities. They were brought up to be kind and tolerant to each other so that’s how they’ve always behaved. Even if they profoundly disagree on something, they’re never critical or nasty about it.

Whereas my Dad and his siblings were constantly rowing and falling out! There was normally an “atmosphere” when the family got together at Christmas, because someone had criticized and upset someone else.

mbosnz · 15/12/2025 14:50

I come from a family of four, and we have never all got on at any one time. If Mum and Dad had stuck to two, they'd have been fine, I reckon, but three and four . . . just nope.

My two have their moments, but are very tight, and very good friends. God help someone that dis's one of them in front of the other. My other sister's two, ditto.

My other two sisters had three, and there's always one on the outer.

Lemonysnickety · 15/12/2025 14:53

I’m from Ireland famed for being a home of large families in the past and I don’t agree.

It can go either way in my experience. Abuse, toxic dynamics, addiction particularly alcoholism often contributed to family size and then the subsequent family dynamics a lot in the past. I’d say we had a lot of very emotionally under available parents with the large family size which brought its own problems.

Schoolregret · 15/12/2025 14:58

My mother is one of seven. She regularly sees and talks to one sister. Two other sisters she might see once a year, no contact in between. No relationship at all with her two youngest sisters and no relationship with her brother. Its a "her" problem though not her siblings. I'm nc with her 5 years.

Schoolregret · 15/12/2025 15:00

MIL is one of nine. She hasn't spoke to any of them in years and didn't attend the funerals of two of her brothers.

CandidRaven · 15/12/2025 15:01

I have one sibling (sister) and we get on really well, we are quite close in age that maybe why and we had a difficult upbringing and obviously we are the only ones who understand with that, we were each others support for a long time and even though we have grown up and have our own kids now we are still close, we can live our own lives but we talk on the phone a lot during the week and we have never had an argument apart from when we were kids and we'd argue about silly things, I feel like she is one of the only people I could truly trust and rely on

logincard · 15/12/2025 15:05

I have one brother whom I squabbled with as a child. As an adult he is one of my closest people and one of the only people I truly know is in my corner.

Daisypod · 15/12/2025 15:10

I have one brother and we get on very well, meet up regularly for coffee etc.
I have 5 children and they all seem to get on, although 2 are quite young still. The older three all went out clubbing together this weekend, all have plenty of friends but also enjoy each others company.

BruFord · 15/12/2025 15:16

I’m an only so have observed DH’s sibling dynamics from the outside. What I’ve noticed is that it’s easier not to have many expectations and also not assume that you’ll have a lot in common just because you were brought up same household.

DH and his older brother get on well, they have a few common interests and they like a good laugh. Their life choices are totally different though and neither criticizes the other. His wife has suggested that we go on holiday together though and I’m not keen-I think it could expose the differences and I don’t want that to happen!