To think that the more kids someone has the more likely they are to all get on?

[frostytimes]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I am one of 5 and get on well with all my siblings. Everyone I know (anecdotal I know!) who comes from a bit family is close to their siblings. People I know, including my husband, who comes from smaller sibling sets seem to either not get on with or not be close to their siblings!?
Thinking about it more as I only have two 😩
or are larger sibling sets just more likely to be trauma bonded 😂

I'm one of six, I text one sibling every three weeks or so. I'm no contact with the rest. I only actively dislike one of them but it's easier for me by keeping them all at bay and avoiding any dramas.

My husband is one of five, three boys two girls. The sisters no longer speak due to the younger sister sleeping with the older sisters fiancé 😲. She broke the unwritten rule, you just don’t do this to a sibling.

My hubby gets on well with his younger brother, his older brother is a dick and jealous of what we’ve achieved (youngest brother informed us), he’s not very bright and absolutely vile when he’s had a drink.

So after witnessing this display of in house fighting for 40 years I’d say larger families aren’t destined to get on, 🤷‍♀️

My anecdotal experience is the oppposite

I'm the eldest of 5, I'm NC with 3 out of 4 of my siblings. I got on with 3 of them when younger, but absolutely hated the sibling closest in age to me.

no it depends on parenting in my opinion , I’m one of five and theres issues in every direction

It’s often said that people from larger families are good at getting on with people in general, because they’ve had the experience of being around lots of other people from a young age.

I've found the complete opposite, the inheritance drama, favouritism beefs and general scrabbling for position is insane with larger numbers.

You're so wrong, OP.
Loads of undervalued girls can be produced in the quest for a boy.
Overwhelmed, overworked mothers can form a bond with the eldest daughter based on slagging off and putting down the younger siblings.
Siblings can compete ferociously for the money and attention of their parents.
Parents learn to play their kids off against each other to control them.
Overwhelmed, overworked parents never really get time to mature as people, and become comfortable with their own resentment and hostility towards their kids.

Loads of undervalued girls can be produced in the quest for a boy.

far more likely to be the other way round now

My partner is one of 5 and none of them seem close and he's NC with 1 sibling. His mum is one of 8, only some of them are close.

I have 2 friends who come from large families. Person A has 6 siblings and talks to 3 of them. NC with the other 3. Person B has 8 siblings and doesn't talk to any of them.

Both DH and I come from fairly small families. Around this time of year it sometimes feels a shame that we don't have the kinds of big gatherings you see on TV to look forward to. I'm not sure bigger families tend to be closer or more harmonious as a general rule, though. Perhaps it can appear that way as in a bigger/busier group there's less pressure for relationships to go beyond the superficially amicable?

I’m one of 7. NC with two, LC with two more and occasional but friendly interactions with the other two. It’s all chance

I am the middle of 5. I am NC with 2 siblings, LC with the other 2. I don't really like any of them, tbh.

Definitely not in the experience of many people I know.

I know/have known at least 15 families with 5-8 DC (mostly born before the 1980s, not many people have that many now,) and in almost every family, one half of the kids don't get on with the other half. I know a few sets of 3s and 4s who all get on well, but a few sets of 3s and 4s who don't. In most families I know with just 2 siblings, they tend to get on more often than not.

In the families I know/have known with 5+ children, it's pretty much only the youngest one, and the oldest one who seem to have been happy with the big family. The 'middles ones' don't report a brilliant life with multiple siblings...

I am sure there are some people who are a 3rd or 4th or 5th of 6 or 7 children who had a great life with their big family, but I believe more have a not too good experience than those who do have a good experience

What is LC?

Edit: never mind, I just got it I think... 'low contact?'

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My experience matches yours but up to 6/7. When you start getting closing to 10 there seems to be more division.

This is all so interesting! I am one of 5 as I said, and my mum is one of 8, she gets on with them all but over the years has definitely been closer to some over others. My dad is one of four and doesn’t speak to his older brother.
I am Irish so aware of the big families and was sort of basing it on that as the ones I knew all seemed to get on (big fights as children/teens but generally pretty close and supportive as adults).

It seems like (again all anecdotal from this thread!) that family size doesn’t have a bearing on how well they get on.

I would be so sad if my children didn’t get on as I truly feel so lucky to have my siblings and don’t know what I’d do without them!

I can’t think what my parents did specifically to help us be close.
I was desperately jealous of all my siblings, particularly my sisters and think I was quite toxic as a sister as a child. So I don’t know how that leads on to the closeness we have now.

maybe we as parents can’t really do anything to influence it..

True. Many years ago - pre 1980s, most women seemed to want a boy, and then more boys, and were disappointed if they had a girl... And girls were often treated like second class citizens. They would be assigned household tasks, and treated like a second mother, whilst the boys did fuck-all to help, and could do no wrong...

I have never EVER known a man or boy do any caring duties, or domestic tasks/housework, if there's a woman or girl available to do it.

But yeah you're right, most women long for daughters now. Weird how things turned around!

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I know loads of people with 1 or 2 siblings who don’t get on.

@xmasstress12 same here!

I don’t agree. It very much depends on family dynamics and individual personality traits. My parents (divorced) both have 5 or 6 siblings. I don’t know how many exactly as neither of them have meaningful relationships with any their siblings, in some cases zero contact. So I don’t know anything about those people either.

People who have strong family bonds are lucky.

@frostytimes I think it’s an Irish thing!

I’m one of 5. Us older ones fought like cat and dog when we were kids but as adults we all get on.

I have a fairly distant relationship with my brother. He lives in another country and we only see him every few years. Not the best at keeping touch in between times though I would happily stay with him where he lives and I’d have him to stay with me here. There’s no bad feeling, we’re just equally shit at the small talk staying in touch stuff 😂. When they visit I spend lots of time with them and spoil my nephews. I also get on well with his wife.

im am close in different ways to all my sisters. Me and the one closest in age to me were at war for years in our teens but get on very well now.
the next one has always been the easiest to get on with. She was my favourite as a child and we’re probably still the most similar now. These two sister I do a lot with. We went to a festival together this year and have had many nights out.

my youngest sister is closer in age to my eldest daughter than she is to any of her siblings. She was so much younger that I barely gave her any thought until I had my own dd. She was almost like my extra child after that. We get on well now though and I need to remember she is an adult!

we didn’t have the easiest of times growing up and us older ones are certainly a bit trauma bonded!!

I only have 2 dds. They’re very different but get on well. Time will tell how close they will stay.