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Original poster

Feeling excluded - childs Christmas party

58 replies

saminamama · 15/12/2025 08:26

We have been going to a toddlers casual singing class for the entire year, showing up every week to see friends and my 3 year old and baby have always really enjoyed it, fab.
recently they made us aware that the Christmas party would be ticketed and to put names down.
there is a little bit of a clique going on between the main organiser and one of my good friends along with another few ladies and their children, I ignore it as it is at times a bit exclusionary but their children will go to the same class in September so I put it down to that, overkeen mothers making friends for their children.

Back to the Xmas party for which I always made it clear yes we want to go. Realising it was now next week I asked the main organiser and she said sorry the event has sold out and it was almost a bit of an attitude back to me, literally I wanted to cry as DD loves going every week and it’s our community of people we see, means more to me than I realised.

somehow there is 40 children going and there’s maybe 15 to 20 each week at the group, no one gave me a heads up the tickets were on sale, no one let me know

chatted to DH about it and he couldn’t understand why I was upset but I suppose, these women are on the ball like I am usually (just had a baby even so I am pretty on it) and it felt unkind that they didn’t heads me up the guest list had begun (scrap of paper in the kitchen), no one said make sure your name is down. That they can’t squeeze us in when we have been contributing each week. We are polite and help tidy up, it’s not like we are bad people, I don’t expect to be babied but I can’t see how I didn’t get the memo. I am busy with 2 children but it takes seconds, and then the next week no one mentioned it at all, and again that’s odd,

our weekly contributions would go towards extra treats for Xmas so again we are missing out here.

I always include these women for party invites for my DC, I always heads them up about nice things in the area etc.

OP posts:
Minjou · 16/12/2025 00:55

AutumnAllTheWay · 16/12/2025 00:19

She didnt get an invite ot any way to join yhe group.

The person arranging is responsible.

I arrange alot of things, the children all get a clear invite and way of attending.

Its not rocket science.

Show quote history

There was no invite. She got the same way to join as everyone else, she just didn't add her name in time.

Nobody did anything to OP

2021x · 16/12/2025 01:16

OP you do come accross as a bit judgmental in your post, and seem to think that other people should do things for you.

Having said that rejection, even percieved rejection is quite painful emotionally and can cause defensive behaviour so I can see why you are trying to find reason in that.

It sucks that you can't go, maybe you can ask to go on the cancellation list?

OriginalUsername2 · 16/12/2025 01:19

Nobody told her about the list, no one mentioned they’d just put their name down, no one asked her if she’d made sure she’d put her name on, nobody addressed the group to say something like “last reminder, don’t forget the list!”

Her “good friend” never mentioned the list. This is the one I’d be most miffed about.

And then the organiser gave her attitude when she asked about it.

Normally there would be a buzz of excitement, what are you wearing, who’s going, the kids will have so much fun, see you at the party sort of chit chat.

Very strange.

MoonWoman69 · 16/12/2025 07:46

It was bad form (excuse the pun!) by the organiser to not remind people on the way out, to state where the list was and prompt them to add names.
But there was nothing to stop you seeking them out and asking on the way out either!
I'm more worried that you seem to be wanting to blame everyone but yourself.
It wasn't anyone elses responsibility to get your name on the list but you.
From your post you make it sound like you needed carrying to the list, a pen putting in your hand and some help in guiding your hand to write!
None of this was a personal sleight on you from the other mums in the group, they have their own lives.
Next year, just ask the organiser, to avoid any unnecessary drama and to make sure you put your name down.

KilkennyCats · 16/12/2025 08:50

OriginalUsername2 · 16/12/2025 01:19

Nobody told her about the list, no one mentioned they’d just put their name down, no one asked her if she’d made sure she’d put her name on, nobody addressed the group to say something like “last reminder, don’t forget the list!”

Her “good friend” never mentioned the list. This is the one I’d be most miffed about.

And then the organiser gave her attitude when she asked about it.

Normally there would be a buzz of excitement, what are you wearing, who’s going, the kids will have so much fun, see you at the party sort of chit chat.

Very strange.

I wonder how everyone else knew about the list and op didn’t?
Maybe it really was a giant conspiracy to leave her out 😮
Even though she was there when the organiser mentioned putting their names on a list, just like everyone else…
It’s a complete mystery.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/12/2025 13:37

saminamama · 15/12/2025 08:26

We have been going to a toddlers casual singing class for the entire year, showing up every week to see friends and my 3 year old and baby have always really enjoyed it, fab.
recently they made us aware that the Christmas party would be ticketed and to put names down.
there is a little bit of a clique going on between the main organiser and one of my good friends along with another few ladies and their children, I ignore it as it is at times a bit exclusionary but their children will go to the same class in September so I put it down to that, overkeen mothers making friends for their children.

Back to the Xmas party for which I always made it clear yes we want to go. Realising it was now next week I asked the main organiser and she said sorry the event has sold out and it was almost a bit of an attitude back to me, literally I wanted to cry as DD loves going every week and it’s our community of people we see, means more to me than I realised.

somehow there is 40 children going and there’s maybe 15 to 20 each week at the group, no one gave me a heads up the tickets were on sale, no one let me know

chatted to DH about it and he couldn’t understand why I was upset but I suppose, these women are on the ball like I am usually (just had a baby even so I am pretty on it) and it felt unkind that they didn’t heads me up the guest list had begun (scrap of paper in the kitchen), no one said make sure your name is down. That they can’t squeeze us in when we have been contributing each week. We are polite and help tidy up, it’s not like we are bad people, I don’t expect to be babied but I can’t see how I didn’t get the memo. I am busy with 2 children but it takes seconds, and then the next week no one mentioned it at all, and again that’s odd,

our weekly contributions would go towards extra treats for Xmas so again we are missing out here.

I always include these women for party invites for my DC, I always heads them up about nice things in the area etc.

I voted you are being unreasonable only because it's not up to them to send reminders to you.

I think unfortunately it's a lesson of others don't necessarily do the same as you do.
You give people a heads up because that's how you are as a person.
You can't expect others to be like you (even if they should be and like you, I think they should).

You're not unreasonable for feeling pee'd off or upset about it but if there's something I want to do, I put it in my calendar on my phone straight away (otherwise I'll forget about the thing) setting a reminder sometimes days before the event.

pineapplesundae · 18/12/2025 04:36

I think this one is on you. Just accept it and find another holiday activity to do.

Jk987 · 18/12/2025 04:41

Wasn’t it advertised online publicly? These things normally are.

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