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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father in law purchased an excellent car seat for my sister in laws future daughter, yet got one for my daughter from a junk store

26 replies

Mumofjojo25 · 15/12/2025 05:31

Im very upset and currently not speaking to my FIL and not attending his christmas party. SIL says im being rude but probably just because she got the elite super safe seat and my new baby got the awful one. I feel like my daughters life is less valuable. SIL also is having lots of kids yet this is my only one ever. AIBU?

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 15/12/2025 05:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PollyBell · 15/12/2025 05:44

Isnt it up to you to buy it?

Daisymay8 · 15/12/2025 05:53

Well she is a recent member of the family he wants to impress - you've always been around and he doesn't seem to care - what is the long term relationship like. If he is going to be off hand with you do you want your DD to see this?

Sillysoggyspaniel · 15/12/2025 05:53

Why can't they use the same seat?

Swash89 · 15/12/2025 05:54

Not sure I’d cancel Xmas for this but I wouldn’t bother giving a nice gift

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 05:56

If he bought your child a car seat that was second hand and not safety checked, I would be pretty cross. Is your SIL his daughter or the wife of one of his sons?

I assume that the car seat safety issue is just the tip of the iceberg in how he treats you so don't attend his Christmas party if you don't want to.

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 05:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well, one’s safe and the junk one isn’t.

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 05:59

Sillysoggyspaniel · 15/12/2025 05:53

Why can't they use the same seat?

Because they live in different houses?

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 06:00

PollyBell · 15/12/2025 05:44

Isnt it up to you to buy it?

Presumably the FiL offered. Or did it unilaterally.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 15/12/2025 06:03

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 05:59

Because they live in different houses?

Show quote history

But if it's in FIL's car it's unlikely he'll have both grandkids at the same time? Presumably the OP is buying a seat for her own car.

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 06:08

Sillysoggyspaniel · 15/12/2025 06:03

But if it's in FIL's car it's unlikely he'll have both grandkids at the same time? Presumably the OP is buying a seat for her own car.

Show quote history

I guess we’ll all have to wait with bated breath for the OP’s explanation.

fairesflowers · 15/12/2025 06:09

More context needs to be given here. Is your sister in law his daughter?
Did he buy your car seat to keep at his house for occasional short trips and you presumed it was a gift for you to use as her full time seat?
Did he know, at the time, that you were uncomfortable with using a second hand seat or the reasons why you were uncomfortable using it? Did you use it?
Maybe his daughter told her dad the one she would like?
This is not necessarily to do with valuing one grandchild over another, and the fact that you have 1, and her multiple is completely irrelevant. People with 1 child don’t love their children more than those who have more than 1🙄.
Maybe your sister in law communicated better with your father in law and the e outcome was a better car seat.

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 15/12/2025 06:37

Not sure what the back story is but maybe your SIL is better than you at making herself heard? She didn’t want some crappy, unsafe baby item so made sure that it what her child was using was as safe as it could be. And it doesn’t really matter how many children each of you have, does it? All children deserve to be kept safe. I assume you didn’t use the unsafe car seat and explained why?

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 15/12/2025 06:42

fairesflowers · 15/12/2025 06:09

More context needs to be given here. Is your sister in law his daughter?
Did he buy your car seat to keep at his house for occasional short trips and you presumed it was a gift for you to use as her full time seat?
Did he know, at the time, that you were uncomfortable with using a second hand seat or the reasons why you were uncomfortable using it? Did you use it?
Maybe his daughter told her dad the one she would like?
This is not necessarily to do with valuing one grandchild over another, and the fact that you have 1, and her multiple is completely irrelevant. People with 1 child don’t love their children more than those who have more than 1🙄.
Maybe your sister in law communicated better with your father in law and the e outcome was a better car seat.

Exactly. My in-laws have a car seat for my daughter to use in their car. I offered to get it, they insisted they would get it so I sent them the link to the one I wanted her in that fits in their car. They ordered that one.

Whaleandsnail6 · 15/12/2025 06:44

Unless this is one of many events, you sound dramatic and immature

Not speaking to him and not attending his party?! You sound like a petulant child

He possibly didn't understand that car seats should be new and not from a "junk store" Maybe he didn't put as much thought into this as you clearly have

Unless he said "sil baby is so much more important than mumofjojo25's baby and I don't actually care about their safety" then I would have just pointed out that I have my own car seat and I'd prefer them to use that

MushMonster · 15/12/2025 06:47

Is your SIL his daughter? And he bought her the baby's main car seat? So to be used most of the time.
Did he buy the one for you as a car seat for his own car?
And, do you actually use the presents they buy you? There are so many threads in this site of mothers refusing blankets, playmats, toys or whatever from grandparents because they just do not like the colours or they do not go with their room or similar.

TheAutumnCrow · 15/12/2025 07:18

Junk stores shouldn’t even be selling car seats. Where do you live, OP?

Sprogonthetyne · 15/12/2025 07:37

What order did he buy them?

My mum had no idea about car seats when she first got grandchildren, and bought an awful seat for her car (which my DC never used). It wasn't that she didn't care, she just didn't understand the issue and thought the shop wouldn't be allowed to sell anything not safe.

Is it possible that he bought and gave you the junk one without realising it was unsafe, then subsequently offered to get SIL a car seat as well. At that point she may have explained the difference and requested the good one. He may well be cringing at having given you the junk one, but didn't realise at the time of giving.

Sunshineo · 15/12/2025 07:41

Do you want to try again with context?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/12/2025 07:44

SIL also is having lots of kids yet this is my only one ever. AIBU?

What’s the relevance of this? Kids aren’t less important, the more siblings they have? Your only isn’t more important.

DinoLil · 15/12/2025 07:52

I typed a reply and have just deleted it. I remembered my DM telling me that if you can't say anything nice...!

CinnamonBuns67 · 15/12/2025 08:02

Yanbu I'd be pretty cross too that he could make a good choice for one and not for the other. However I think your comment that SIL will have lots of kids and this will be your only one is unreasonable, your kid isn't more important because they'll be an only child, to you yes but to everyone else no. Both kids should be treated equally by grandparents though.

Original poster
Mumofjojo25 · 15/12/2025 21:57

Hi all! Sorry for late reply had a rough day with the baby.
Its tradition in our family for FIL to buy car seat and MIL to buy pram. MIL bought us the same model. We are not spoilt, but they like to do it as a gesture of thanks because we all take in turns looking after my husbands sisters daughter (the mum has substance abuse issues) to give MIL and FIL a break. So the car seat is for our own car
And the SIL i mentioned is the wife of my husbands brother, so not their daughter. Anyway the car seat is inherently dangerous so we won't be using.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofjojo25 · 15/12/2025 21:59

Also my comment about SIL having many kids wasnt about them being less important! I meant it as in FIL will be buying her many seats as she has short age gaps and this is the only one he is buying me. So I thought he could've at least got a decent one.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/12/2025 22:00

Mumofjojo25 · 15/12/2025 21:59

Also my comment about SIL having many kids wasnt about them being less important! I meant it as in FIL will be buying her many seats as she has short age gaps and this is the only one he is buying me. So I thought he could've at least got a decent one.

But the same applies, yours doesn’t need to be more decent because he only has to buy you one?

Just buy your own car seat if you’re so worried and particular. Not speaking to him because of it is juvenile.