Is wishing someone good luck for going to church offensive?

[PoptyPin]

I did briefly mention this in a comment in my previous post but I’m creating a new post for advice!

This weekend my ex took my son to chat to a priest about possibly attending church as he’s been showing an interest in exploring his faith. I’m currently on holiday with our youngest and I text my son “Good luck with church today, Tom!”

I then text my ex to ask about meeting our son after school on Monday as I was coming back Monday morning from the holiday. He said, yeah ask Tom but I will say that wishing him good luck before meeting a priest did not go down well. Umm. What?

I thought he was joking and asked him are you serious and he said it did not go down well, that’s all he can say.

What the hell! Ex refused to say exactly why it didn’t go down well and say it was a weird thing to say and how upset our son is. Eh?!

Teen isn’t replying to my texts about meeting him after school but he never replies anyway lol.

Ex didn’t correct DS and say don’t worry, Mum was just wishing you well. It seems he went along with DS in assuming I had sinister intentions!

AIBU in texting good luck?

Ignore your ex. Speak to your son when you see him to see why/if it upset him.

Teen is being a teen and finding everything his mum does annoying (this is normal).

Ex is stirring and enjoying himself.

Ignore.

So my only thoughts are that it was taken to mean I was being sarcastic and insinuating that it related to catholic priests and sexual abuse?! It was the last thing on my mind and I only meant to wish him well, similar to if he had an exam or a rugby match etc. I know his mother (ex mother) was there too and would have probably assumed I meant that and agreed with DS. Aagh!

Yeah I’m going to chat to him face to face. I haven’t mentioned it in a text.

The way you phrased it is more like “hope it goes well “. Your ex is being a dick.

It’s a bit weird to wish someone luck to go to church, mildly offensive actually

When I was growing up my very religious family wouldn't wish each other luck or describe someone as lucky because you don't have luck in their eyes, you have blessings and divine Providence (ie, God does things for or gives things to you, they don't happen by luck)

Could it be that? Priest makes it sound like he's Catholic? My family are Irish and very much Protestant but I wonder if it's the same belief underpinning it

💯

You cannot get through life without annoying people, ESPECIALLY your kids. Don't make a big deal of it -

Is it? I didn’t mean to cause offence. I was just wishing him good luck as he’s never been to church before, it was a big step for him.

Oh I am the most annoying person in the world according to DS 🙈

No it is not.

It's just a way of saying you hope it will turn out as the person wants it to, in the case of the OP's son, that he'll feel a connection with this priest / how this church does things etc

You wouldn't be doing your job if you weren't 💪

It's offensive of you don't believe in luck for religious reasons, which may be what the ex is trying to say.
Or, maybe the ex is stirring trouble.

Nah it's just the OP's son being a teen

The priest doesn't know the OP from Adam 😁

I think perhaps it could have come across as “good luck, watch you don’t burst into flames” or “good luck - you’ll need it”. Probably with a lot of twisting of your words from your ex.

Saying that, A young shop assistant recently told me she was sitting exams and hoped to go into medicine. As she had offered up the information I said “good luck with your exams” and she looked at me like I’d said the most offensive thing ever. So I also wonder whether “good luck” is seen as offensive by the younger generation - I wonder if they do interpret it as “you’ll need it”. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just talk to your son and explain what you meant when you do see him.

I am pretty sure it's the latter

I'm Catholic and have been in your sons position about going to talk to the priest about going (in my case, back) to church and getting more involved in faith. It was such a charged and emotional time. Good luck is an appropriate thing to say. Don't worry about it.

What kind of church is it? It might be an idea to get a better understanding of the faith. This book was good for helping me get back into Catholicism and would help if your son is Catholic:

www.awesomebooks.com/book/9780852310892/how-to-survive-being-married-to-a-catholic-a-frank/used

Just say you meant you hope it goes well.

Agreed - even my family wouldn't take offence at someone else using the phrase , though they wouldn't use it themselves.

But, just wanted to explain what came to my mind when I read the title,that luck can be a concept some Christians (and maybe other faiths) don't subscribe to

How? Wishing someone luck that they might find an understanding in faith that they could support through active worship? Wishing someone luck that getting engaged with faith could help them to understand some of the questions they have been asking internally? Wishing someone luck in an environment that they are not familiar with, that they could find comfort, meaning and solace?

Please do explain 'mildly offensive' because to me that's to totally denigrate a person's experience of seeking faith and their parent supporting them in this. It wasn't sarcasm, it wasn't glib, she was doing the same thing she does every day and wishing her child good luck in his pursuits for the day.

Is it because 'luck' is a foreign/offensive concept in certain religions due to divine right etc? In which case you are being so one-eyed about a child exploring his faith and his mother being nothing but supportive. She wasn't talking to you or to a committed devout, she was talking to her son who is exploring faith.

@PoptyPin You did nothing wrong in the slightest. Also love your username.

Stop overthinking it, it's having the exact impact your ex was hoping for.

Speak to your son when you see him. Ignore your shit stirring ex.

I think your comment can look a bit sarcastic to a sensitive teen. It’s just if you ever expressed slight surprise or even a tiny bit of negative feelings towards this issue your teen might think that you were against his faith journey. So he is probably overthinking any of your comments. It’s normal teen-parent dynamic.
It’s not about abuse at all so don’t even mention that, it will make things worse, it’s about if your son feels that you support his decision.

There was also a chance that he was nervous and your ex chose stirring instead of calming him down

Knowing my ex and how he talks in front of DS my message was viewed as flippant and linked to SA and the Catholic Church. So “good luck, you’ll need it!” Etc.

But it’s hard to say and ex as usual would not be specific and chose to be deliberately vague.

Good luck 😉
(I can't see anything wrong with your wish, unless someone wants to take it in the wrong way)