To not want to contribute to this madness? Christmas teacher gifting experiences

[lostintherhythagain]

DD is only 4! And not yet reception age

Her little nursery has about 15 in total who are her age.

Parents in the WhatsApp group have been discussing some people not paying up for experience day for teachers AND the staff take away

They want £15 each per family from us so the teacher and support staff can have a spa day. And then money for a take away (they’ll just give them cash in a card) for the end of Christmas school time, before they break up, to have a take away delivered as the staff don’t go home same time as the children obviously

AIBU not to contribute? I never said I’d do it. Not sure if there’s anyone else not contributing

One parent has got the teacher and her child’s TA a personalised bauble. With her DC’s face in it?!?! Utter madness

I have gifted a box of chocolates and didn’t plan to spend anymore.

£15 is too much to expect, and it's inappropriate for anyone to be discussing or even acknowledging that specific individuals have or haven't contributed.

Our class rep suggested a contribution of around £5 or less, and it wasn't mentioned again on the WhatsApp apart from one reminder of the deadline to contribute and then an informative post outlining what the money was spent on.

We gave the teacher (a keen cyclist) a gift card for a really good independent local bike shop, plus something else for the TA. If you really wanted then you could have added up the total value of the gifts and it came to roughly 30 x £5, but I know some chipped in a bit extra to cover others whose finances don't have the same flexibility, so logically some must contributed less or nothing.

These 'pick me' parents are absolutely pathetic and make me want to throw up. How up your own arse do you need to be to think that a bauble with a picture of your own child's face on it is what a teacher wants to hang on their Christmas tree 😂. Staff are probably dying for a break from seeing the snotty kids, not reminded of them every time they look at their tree. Individual freedom means you just do what you were planning to do. Don't bow to peer pressure from other parents. I didn't give in to peer pressure as a child when I was at school so I'll be buggered if I'm doing so now when it comes from grown ups with kids in nursery! The keeping up with the Jones's shite these days is all influenced by social media. Everyone trying to outdo each other for social currency. It's actually really sad, especially when some people spend money they don't have out of pressure from other parents. I wish everyone would calm the fuck down. It actually ruins some of the joy of Christmas, all the pressure to keep up with the constant parenting expectations to give gifts and experiences non-stop for the whole of December (or even earlier).

And how would anyone know precisely how much said extravaganza actually cost versus how much went into the pot ?

Steer very clear. Absolute nonsense.

You've also just reminded me of all the extra sandwiches I've brought to school over the years so that someone doesn't go hungry nevermind the dramatics about how stuffed I am and can't bear waste to encourage the child to take it with no loss of dignity. Teachers generally love your children and can't do enough to look out for them.

I would just chip in...

YANBU and should not be strong-armed into joining in with this nonsense. Have you checked your DD's pre-school's policy on giving gifts to teachers (particularly wrt cash gifts)? You may discover that this parent group's proposal falls foul of the school's policy. It's worth checking.

I do christmas cards and those little boxes of maltesers. My son scribbled in the cards in nursery and writes them out properly now to his teacher/ta. I think maybe teachers do keep things like cards with nice messages but am laughing at the bauble with the child's face on it.

I've never heard such utter rubbish! You are certainly not being unreasonable. Thank God this was never a concept when my children were young, including the stupid Whatsapp thing. Why on earth would anyone want to be in a Whatsapp group just because their children go to the same school? It reminds me of that scene in Motherland where Kevin is trying to get everyone in a similar group and they all keep getting it wrong! Rewind 25 years and I would be in the 'getting it wrong' group! Don't waste another second worrying about it, OP. Just send the teacher a card and make a donation to the school fund, if they have one. 🎄🎄☃

If you mean waiting staff, absolutely. My hairdresser, not generally, no, because I am already paying her for what she is doing for me (it’s not a chain).

I’m not sure how these things are linked?

Absolutely not. This is performative, people-pleasing, unnecessary nonsense. Honestly, why do women tie themselves up in knots to do this stuff? You really have to examine the motive here.

A card, a big smile and a thank you at parents evening/last day of term is perfectly adequate.

Retired teacher here with 44 years experience in primary schools. Absolute madness, never heard anything like it.
If someone gifted me a box of chocolates, I'd be made up.
If someone sent a card with a personal message re: their child's experience with me as their teacher, I'd be over the moon.

What about if you received 33 boxes of chocolates? 😂

As a teacher too (actually recently retired ) with 44 years experience of being in the classroom. I honestly wouldn't give thanks for a spa day, not my cup of tea. The personalised bauble, just no.
However a box of chocolates and a personalised card, yes please.

When my DC was in primary school, we had a 'class whip round' for anyone who wanted to participate. That money was used to buy some vouchers/treat items.
Some people did chip in, others bought their own gifts.
At no point was a demand made for money from anyone, nor was anyone pressured to contribute.

There absolutely are laws in place to prevent bribery. You may deem it as not relevant in this scenario but the nursery is a business and the child/parent is a client. They are paid for their services. It can absolutely be construed as a bribe. As others have commented, even current and ex teachers, if it is done in such a way as to gain favour for the child then it is bribe. The amount is actually quite insignificant in the process.

A word of caution on the chocolate idea - not quite the same I know but as a former nurse in a GP practice I got over 20 boxes of chocolates or Xmas from kind patients one year....! I do like a chocolate but....!

As a recently retired teacher with 44 years experience, the last thing I'd want is a spa day experience...... honestly not my cup of tea at all.
Anyway who bought me a box of chocolates however, I was genuinely happy to have as a treat .
Thank you cards were an added bonus.
I've got a basket full of them in my box room, they're full of comments which make me realise I did make a difference.

We did £25 per child and gave the teachers and TAs a gift card, a personalised Christmas card and some chocolates.
Two teachers that job share, and three TAs. Easy.

It's sad there's even the possibility the teacher should have to fund things like this, but that's an excellent idea for a gift. At least you know it won't end up in a charity shop.

It would not be a very nice spa day from the amount collected.
I don’t think it is a huge amount between them as a group Christmas present. Probably £3 each.

In my day teachers were supposed to get an apple.

It was up to them whether it was later thrown at someone (assuming the board rubber had already been deployed).

What new madness is this? Ignore it.

The difference in the situations you mention is that you are paying for a service for yourself. If you deem the service deserves a tip then go ahead. In the instance of giving a teacher a tip/gift for looking after your child it very much can be looked at as a bribe to benefit your child in the future. Teachers make life effecting decisions regarding children on a daily basis. Their sports, social, health, entertainment, friend situations can all be influenced by a teacher making a simple decision such as to choose a child for a school team or a play or simply where to sit in class.

This should not and cannot be allowed to be influenced by parents being able to give gifts. A simple home made card or a thank you should be more than enough and its what most of the teachers i have seen commenting on here have said anyhow.

No, that's fair enough. Just have had many the conversation with people who tip £15 every time they get their haircut but then when it comes to teachers, they're really anti-presents. I always wonder why. I tip everyone and give presents to all people (eg binmen, gardener, obstetrician, gp, hairdresser, teachers etc.)
I always find it a bit odd that someone would want a waitress or hairdresser (both just doing their jobs) to have a bit extra but not the person who spends the day with your DC, doing far more for them than just educating them.

I would join in with the collection. Not saying anyone’s U for not wanting to, but nursery staff / teachers look after our kids year round. So if I have a spare £15, absolutely. It’s a nice was to show your gratitude for the staff who care for your kids.

It is completely normal to contribute £15 twice a year for the class collections. We do £15 at Xmas, £5 Easter, £10 end of summer term. Someone buys vouchers with the collection. Frankly £30 a year isn’t much. You’d pay that much in service charge at a restaurant for a family meal for staff I’ll never see again and don’t think twice.

The kind of teacher who could be 'bribed' is not the kind of teacher I'd be buying a gift for! I can't speak for all teachers, but I see the kids and their parents as separate entities. It's lovely to get a present and to be told that their child is happy coming into school and learning loads. That's not to say that the parents who don't do it will make their child less liked by the teacher. It just doesn't work that way.