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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL showing up unannounced?

46 replies

Thuraya17 · 14/12/2025 02:12

MIL called DH today to say she has booked her flight and would be coming to stay with us tomorrow for a week. We’ve just moved in, there is no bed for her, half of our furniture isn’t here yet and we’re still half living out of suitcases. DH told her we’re not quite ready for visitors yet and can she wait until next month when we’re settled.

MIL proceeded to say she’s got no more time off and she wants to see DS asap (her only GC). The most frustrating part is DH is actually away for work so I would be doing all of the hosting, cooking, cleaning up after her and FIL (she usually doesn’t help either) and all of that whilst the house is only half ready to live in.

I’m just so livid that DH said no and she basically said well tough I’m coming anyway I’ve booked my flight. Is that not extremely rude or am I being overly sensitive? Not to mention I also travel in 1 week for 10 days myself so I have to pack for that as well whilst hosting in laws and taking care of my toddler.

OP posts:
murasaki · 14/12/2025 02:16

Is she aware that you haven't sorted the house yet? She's unbelievably selfish if so. And her son isn't there. He needs to before forthright with his no, which I suspect he didn't actually give.

SoloSofa24 · 14/12/2025 02:17

Have you sent her details of nearby hotels?

Tryingatleast · 14/12/2025 02:18

Pity he could not have told her about local hotels or bed and breakfasts. Ring and tell her you actually have no bed and here are the hotels and cheerily tell her you can’t wait to see her and neither can ds so it takes all the onus off you!! DO NOT MAKE UP A BED FOR HER!!

murasaki · 14/12/2025 02:18

Naughty me says don't answer the door at all on the day of her arrival. If he actually said no. Or be out.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 14/12/2025 02:45

you don't have to answer the door!
your dh isn't going to be there to answer it either.
she'll just have to organise alternative accommodation for herself and your FIL.... if you're feeling nice you could offer to arrange for them to meet up with you and your toddler sometime during the week they're in town.

sleepandcoffee · 14/12/2025 02:48

he either needs to put his footdown or you need to be very inhospitable when she is there.
It’s easier to send a text message than have a phone conversation sometimes as it wont give her a chance to sweet talk

Original poster
Thuraya17 · 14/12/2025 02:49

my husband did say no, but he said he must have been to soft. I told him turning up at someone’s house when they’re not ready for visitors and they’ve told you that explicitly is a blatant lack of respect. He called her back to give a more firm no to which she replied that she’s organised her brother who lives 40 mins away to bring her a spare mattress from his house sleep on 😱 I couldn’t write this!! Anyway, thankfully my husband shut that down and she’s finally taken the no for an answer. She’s staying elsewhere now and just visiting each day instead, she needn’t show up randomly though since I’m going to make lots of plans for us to be out of the house because I simply can’t let this go! I’m in utter disbelief of the entitlement.

OP posts:
NotReadyForChristmas2025 · 14/12/2025 03:25

Can you get a fake D&V bug and have to isolate for A few days 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣

CandyCaneKisses · 14/12/2025 03:45

She needs to cancel or book a hotel. You need to be blunt.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2025 06:16

What a rude and entitled woman your MIL is. How on earth can she think that what she is doing is reasonable at such short notice and with no discussion? Is she generally an overbearing nightmare?

Visiting every day is still ridiculous. Make sure you go out a lot or just don't answer the door. Certainly don't invite her and your FIL for meals.

HelenaWaiting · 14/12/2025 07:01

OMG. I wouldn't dream to do this. And if I did my DIL wouldn't hesitate to ask me if I'd taken leave of my fucking senses. (For clarification, I adore her, but she's as blunt as a rhino's arse).

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 07:07

I would tell her this morning she cannot stay at yours, its not ready so she needs to either book a hotel for the entire week or cancel her flight immediately.

KatieKat88 · 14/12/2025 07:13

I would be basically unavailable unless DH was around - do not bend on this unless you want her to continue to randomly book flights without asking in future! If she thinks she's getting her way at all she'll just carry on. I can't imagine being so rude, how can she think that's acceptable?! Well done to you both for insisting on them staying elsewhere.

ChristmasinBrighton · 14/12/2025 07:16

She’s a cheeky bitch. Can you arrange to be (fake if necessary) INCREDIBLY BUSY for all the days DH isn’t available? I do appreciate how difficult this is with a little one.

My MIL used to rock up uninvited and I just refused to answer the door, even if it was obvious I was in.

WhatTheFuk · 14/12/2025 07:22

If she’s flying, she’ll probably bring a lovely bout of flu, or covid. Perhaps noro, just in time to ruin your 10 days away…

Fedupofwimps · 14/12/2025 07:27

HelenaWaiting · 14/12/2025 07:01

OMG. I wouldn't dream to do this. And if I did my DIL wouldn't hesitate to ask me if I'd taken leave of my fucking senses. (For clarification, I adore her, but she's as blunt as a rhino's arse).

A few mumsnetters could do to take a leaf out of your DIL's book!
I am continually perplexed as to how these situations arise - MIL says she's coming to stay, DH says they are living out of suitcases and have no bed, MIL solves the 'bed' situation, DH now runs out of excuses - much backwards ànd forwarding ensues as no-one wants to tell the batshit MIL that NO SHE IS NOT BLOODY STAYING.
Personally I would have told MIL if she wishes to stay in a hotel that's fine but I certainly do not have time to meet her daily, especially when her son is working away. The more she stamps her feet the less inclined I would be to meet her at all🤷‍♀️

RessicaJabbit · 14/12/2025 07:28

Oh lordy.

Ay least DH had the balls to tell her no.

Tell her now, that you're available on x,y,z day at 3-5 or whatever suits you. And you'll have to meet her at café for a cup of tea, or something else like that to keep it short and on your terms

Sorry, everything else s booked in advance and you're off to friends or family, all arranged weeks and weeks ago...

mindutopia · 14/12/2025 07:56

You’re away. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Your Dh books you into an Airbnb and off you go for a week. Dh cancels work trip and stays home with toddler to host them. Or you take toddler with you and they arrive to an empty house and nowhere to stay. Or your Dh grows a pair and deals with it and says no.

curious79 · 14/12/2025 08:03

Your DH redeemed himself by having a firm conversation - a lot of mumsnetters suffer the trauma of weak DHs leading to MiL havoc

luckylavender · 14/12/2025 08:04

WhatTheFuk · 14/12/2025 07:22

If she’s flying, she’ll probably bring a lovely bout of flu, or covid. Perhaps noro, just in time to ruin your 10 days away…

Not everyone who flies catches things

Bikergran · 14/12/2025 08:14

Really, don't put yourself out. Pack and sort stuff for your own holiday as a priority before they arrive. Make meals as basic as possible, (egg, beans, frozen chips etc) and if they don't like it, tell them the nearest restaurant/takeaway. Personally I wouldn't unpack any more, leave everything in boxes, stacked everywhere, make it glaringly obvious you are NOT ready for guests. Would making up airbeds on the floor fir them make them go to the nearest hotel? Maybe phone her back and point out AGAIN you don't have a spare bed. She sounds a nightmare.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/12/2025 08:28

I would tell her you are busy sorting the house and make arrangements for the kids to be out with friends/.at daycare. Then write a big jobs list and put mil to work if she turns up. If she's there she may as well help.

Francestein · 14/12/2025 08:29

I would take the kids and stay at a hotel until they get the message that they are not welcome.

Genevieva · 14/12/2025 08:34

Thuraya17 · 14/12/2025 02:49

my husband did say no, but he said he must have been to soft. I told him turning up at someone’s house when they’re not ready for visitors and they’ve told you that explicitly is a blatant lack of respect. He called her back to give a more firm no to which she replied that she’s organised her brother who lives 40 mins away to bring her a spare mattress from his house sleep on 😱 I couldn’t write this!! Anyway, thankfully my husband shut that down and she’s finally taken the no for an answer. She’s staying elsewhere now and just visiting each day instead, she needn’t show up randomly though since I’m going to make lots of plans for us to be out of the house because I simply can’t let this go! I’m in utter disbelief of the entitlement.

You both need to tell her that she will have to stay at her brother’s house. She can visit for a day trip but not stay over night.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/12/2025 08:54

@Francesteinthat'e actually not a bad idea. The op then gets a holiday and can continue with the house when her DH is back. His punishment for not making it clear enough to his mum that she can't come is being a week behind on the house. Do that. Pack up some things and go and stay somewhere in a different city for a week. Have fun with your girls/ see some friends. Teach your Mil to listen next time. She has just tried to walk all over you. If you don't respond with force she will do this consistently for the rest of your marriage.

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