MIL showing up unannounced?

[Thuraya17]

MIL called DH today to say she has booked her flight and would be coming to stay with us tomorrow for a week. We’ve just moved in, there is no bed for her, half of our furniture isn’t here yet and we’re still half living out of suitcases. DH told her we’re not quite ready for visitors yet and can she wait until next month when we’re settled.

MIL proceeded to say she’s got no more time off and she wants to see DS asap (her only GC). The most frustrating part is DH is actually away for work so I would be doing all of the hosting, cooking, cleaning up after her and FIL (she usually doesn’t help either) and all of that whilst the house is only half ready to live in.

I’m just so livid that DH said no and she basically said well tough I’m coming anyway I’ve booked my flight. Is that not extremely rude or am I being overly sensitive? Not to mention I also travel in 1 week for 10 days myself so I have to pack for that as well whilst hosting in laws and taking care of my toddler.

I'd just pretend they're not there and carry on as normal. You told her you weren't ready for visitors so she can't expect to be hosted.

Update is, my MIL arrived to the house with her bags and was supposed to go stay with her brother who was collecting her a few hours later. Coincidentally, her brothers whole household came down with spontaneous flu and could no longer pick her up so she has been staying with me anyway 🙂

of course I haven’t cooked, she’s been eating soup and sandwiches and that’s the farthest I plan to go on hospitality. Crazy behaviour but we’re surviving.

Of course. Strategic flu.

Are you not feeling a little hot and headachey yourself OP?

OMG OP that is mad. Is she expecting to be with you at Christmas? Can you put her to work unpacking boxes? “So thrilled you’re here, it’s such a help”. That would probably get rid of her!

Omg extremely rude - don’t answer the door

how can she not listen to your wishes

or ask!

When does she leave? And where has she been sleeping? Honestly, why didn’t you direct her to the nearest Premier inn?

Thankfully I fly to my sisters with our son for Christmas, I’m leaving on Friday! unfortunately my husband can’t join us, he doesn’t get any time off he’s an athlete so from Friday onwards it will be him hosting his mum for however long she plans on staying.

I tried to tell her we can’t have guests right now and her brother should have mentioned the flu before she flew but she just asked him to drop her off a mattress and shooed off all of my reasons saying ‘no problem I promise I don’t mind’ like I know you don’t I MIND.

didn’t want to cause a huge family row by taking it any further so I just gave up 😩 we move a lot with my husbands job and I really wanted to stay at this house and this club for two years, with my mother in law so close I think we’re going to have to scratch that plan as she may just keep turning up.

She can't be that close if she has to fly?

Your husband needs to be very clear that it's impossible to accommodate her and that he will not be around to entertain her. That if she comes she will need a hotel and that he can see her only at this or that specific time. That you have plans but that you can squeeze her in for a visit at such and such a time. She's been incredibly rude and while you can't stop her travelling here, it can be made clear to her that her accommodation and entertainment while she's here is her responsibility.

I can’t believe you’ve given in! I’m gobsmacked. I would’ve closed the door on her

I find it interesting that this response is given a lot on here. I rather suspect in real life no one would actually just shut the door and leave their MIL in the garden with their bags. It's not like the MIL has been abusive and violent, just very pushy.

Can you put her to work babysitting or sorting out the house? Remind her that she knew it was a very busy time for you all and that the house wouldn't be ready, so you assume that she's come to help.

Firstly, well done to your DH actually standing up to her, it's very rare that I ever read that on here.

Secondly, I am absolutely gob smacked at the rest of what I've read. I can't believe the gall of the woman! Well done to you for asserting your boundaries while at the same time not having a massive family blow up, that's definitely tough! Sending you strength 😅

How unbelievably audacious some of these people are.

OMG, she totally steamrollered you! There’s no way her brother’s family are all ill (too ill to pick her up but not too ill to drop off a mattress, exactly as she’d planned in the first place?!).

You’re taking this with a lot more grace than I would, OP. Shocking behaviour, and it’ll continue the same way unless your DH tackles it head on. Don’t be driven away from a location and home you love by this woman imposing herself on you and invading your space uninvited.

No need to be confrontational, but before she and FIL leave there needs to be a very calm, direct conversation, along the lines of “it’s been lovely to see you, but we’ve both been upset by the way you went about this, mum. You’ve given no consideration to our wishes or even discussed how best this visit might work for us, not just for you. Please don’t do this again. Next time, just call ahead and we can make the arrangements together.”

Go out lots between now and Friday. Don’t host her or cook for her etc make plans and playdates

Genuinely thought you'd out-manoeuvred her but honestly what can you do with someone like this who responds with a chess move like that. Agog at her audacity.

Definitely go out a lot and do less than the bare minimum of hosting.

Thats appalling. What an awful woman. Tell her to stay in a hotel or not come at all. That's unbelievably selfish and rude. Just put your foot down. Is she a bit weird or something because it's quite odd behaviour.

Your MIL is a manipulative piece of work, isn’t she? Clearly lied about stopping elsewhere - it’s too convenient otherwise (I had the flu last week, I couldn’t walk downstairs never mind do an 80 minute round trip to take a mattress to someone’s house so not a cat in hells chance did the brother actually have the flu). SHE wanted to come and stop with you, because these dates worked for HER. Your husband told her multiple times that the dates don’t work for you, you aren’t set up for visitors, you don’t want her to visit at this time but she ignored it all because that didn’t fit with HER wants.

I would go no contact after this. Or bare minimum low contact. And I would tell my husband if she ever tries something like that again, and he lets her get away with it, he can go live with her permanently. This isn’t a woman who is used to respecting boundaries. And sees her son as an extension of herself, or worse a possession. Your thoughts and feelings aren’t even on her radar. I would make it very clear to her as well - I’d tell her to make the most of the visit and her GC because she will NEVER be seeing them or you again. And mean it.

I do understand you not turning her away - she put you in a terrible position. But she needs to understand she went too far and there are consequences. Your lives will be so much better without her in it, as this can’t be the only thing she’s ever done that was selfish.

Enjoy your visit with your sister.

Oh I def would. She was told no MULTIPLE times and then chose to come anyway. What did she expect