To not visit my mum in hospital for next few days

[lisa12000]

I feel like I’m going mad. My mum is currently in hospital after surgery for a broken hip. She is stable and not in a life threatening state. She is 83 and been in a week so far.

I was unfortunately away when it all happened but have of course visited since I arrived home.

My sisters and I have been pretty much non contact for 4 years due to a falling out during Covid - (i have twin sisters who are very close) but are now messaging me trying to arrange times for me to go and see my mum - literally making sure she isn’t alone for a minute during visiting hours which is fine

However, yesterday I woke up with a heavy cold, sneezing every 1@ mins, aches, sore throat etc. I said this to my sister and her reaction was that I would be fine to go as someone laways has got something - I feel really pressured into going and I don’t want to as it’s not just about my mums health but all other on the ward! The laugh is that our falling out was due to he going to see my mum during Covid (when we could) as I was putting her in danger!

Shpuld I just go? Or is my gut feeling not to go until I’m feeling okay right? I do not know why I am worried about informing my sisters! They won’t believe me! And it is stressing me out

YANBU. Say you are sick and cannot go.

I would avoid the hospital until you are completely better...too much chance of passing it on to others.

This!

my husband died from infections like flu in hospital

YOU MUST NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE HOSPITAL

If your sisters don't believe you so what. You would be doing the right thing and that's all that really matters. Talk your Mum on the phone until you are no longer contagious.

Gosh I am so sorry to hear this. I know that I am correct to not go but my relationship with my sisters is such that they can still get into my head and stress me out and make me feel guilty and as though I don’t want to go etc. it’s stupid I know but such a toxic relationship

Do not go.

she doesnt need visitors every minute. She needs to rest.

This flu is horrendous - it’s not a lie. Going to visit a recovering vulnerable individual is reckless.

At our A&E tonight the majority of people were wearing masks because they either had symptoms or didn't want to catch flu. At the age your mum is I wouldn't risk visiting her when you have symptoms and it's unfair of anybody to expect you.

Yes I am estranged from sister - I know all about it

yes my husband got 3 infections one after the other - I wish I hadn’t taken him there - his lungs were so compromised

there will be people with cancer there if not in ward In corridors - they will be very vulnerable

she doesn’t need wall to wall visits - there’s plenty going on

You are being the reasonable one

don’t let their behaviour dictate yours

this is my other point - she was asleep for the whole two hours i was there the first time - more alert the following day but could tell she was getting tired trying to talk! My sister has stayed with her literally all day today because I said I wasn’t going - I could tell they were not happy

Call the hospital and ask them to organise a video call.

Sounds like another way for them to gang up on you. They play the perfect daughters and paint you as the neglector.

DO NOT GO and tell your stupid arse sisters to fuck off.

I really cannot understand the mentality (or stupidity) of people who think it’s OK to take their germs into hospital.

Block their numbers. DO NOT VISIT.

Do you know what is worse? One of them is a trained nurse!

It’s ok OP for them to be angry - that resides with them

you can have your feelings and your much more balanced

Call the nurse's station and explain your symptoms and clarify that they don't want you there. Contact your sister(s) and say that you spoke to the nurse and they have confirmed that you can't visit.

You shouldn't have to be so prescriptive but with unreasonable people it helps to have logic and an evidence trail in your corner. Does your mum have a phone with her? Could you chat to her on that perhaps? Or an iPad for a video call?

(And before people say - ridiculous, she's 83! My dad is 80 and my mum is 77 two days before Christmas and they both have phones and iPads!)

We all believe that it is unreasonable for you who is sick with an act of cold to go to the hospital, where there are people who are in medically weakened State and vulnerable, who literally could be killed by the complications of your cold, so bringing disease into such a environment is extremely irresponsible. You know this. That's why you said you're not going to go. Your sisters are daft. Why does your mother who is stable need to have a visitor with her every single minute of the day? She doesn't. They aren't listening to you, they're not respecting you, they're not respecting her, they're not respecting the rules (which I'm quite sure do ask you not to come in if you're sick) they're just being selfish and doing what they want when they want how they want. They're not going to listen to you. So you're not being unreasonable, and just do your best to take care of yourself so you feel better soon, not feel better soon so you can go visit your mom but just so you can go feel better soon. And as for your family well, you said that you went low contact with them a few years ago, it was for a reason. You knew it then, and it looks like things haven't gotten much better.

Yes someone will help anyway

We.are asking any out patients or visitors.with flu to stay away from our hospital. Your sister especilly the nurse.are being very unresonable

My mum was in hospital last Christmas. There were signs up all over the ward saying "Do not visit if you are ill"

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

Do you know what. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Thank you - that is literally what I needed to here. Guess I just feel guilty I was away when it all happened (I’d gone to see her the day before and put up all her decorations etc and had a really nice day) but I really need to ge gym head out my backside and just tell them to go away - they’ve always been able to make me feel this way though (they are older I’m the youngest)