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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit my mum in hospital for next few days

37 replies

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:33

I feel like I’m going mad. My mum is currently in hospital after surgery for a broken hip. She is stable and not in a life threatening state. She is 83 and been in a week so far.

I was unfortunately away when it all happened but have of course visited since I arrived home.

My sisters and I have been pretty much non contact for 4 years due to a falling out during Covid - (i have twin sisters who are very close) but are now messaging me trying to arrange times for me to go and see my mum - literally making sure she isn’t alone for a minute during visiting hours which is fine

However, yesterday I woke up with a heavy cold, sneezing every 1@ mins, aches, sore throat etc. I said this to my sister and her reaction was that I would be fine to go as someone laways has got something - I feel really pressured into going and I don’t want to as it’s not just about my mums health but all other on the ward! The laugh is that our falling out was due to he going to see my mum during Covid (when we could) as I was putting her in danger!

Shpuld I just go? Or is my gut feeling not to go until I’m feeling okay right? I do not know why I am worried about informing my sisters! They won’t believe me! And it is stressing me out

OP posts:
Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 23:11

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:52

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

Show quote history

They are bad for your mental health op

SouthernNights59 · 13/12/2025 23:15

Of course you don't visit the hospital while you are ill!

Why does your DM need someone with her every hour of the day? My DM broke her hip when she was 86 and spent another 8 weeks rehabilitating at our local hospital. I visited her once a day, after work, for half an hour (I'm an only child) and she was fine with that. I wouldn't even bother speaking to sisters who sound as unreasonable as yours.

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 23:16

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:52

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

Show quote history

I'm so sorry - my sister has naff all to do with my folks and when the time comes I know she is going to put her oar in. She's not seen my mum in a decade for a start... so she will be given short shrift. But I know it's going to be horribleness on top of horribleness. I would just text your sister(s) to say: I am going to call mum as it would be reckless with my illness to go in and the nurses have confirmed the same.

Don't brook any arguments, tell them what you are going to do and that's it. Easier said than done I know. But stand firm, you're doing all that you can and you are fab for doing that. Ignore the bossy boots.

Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 23:18

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 23:16

I'm so sorry - my sister has naff all to do with my folks and when the time comes I know she is going to put her oar in. She's not seen my mum in a decade for a start... so she will be given short shrift. But I know it's going to be horribleness on top of horribleness. I would just text your sister(s) to say: I am going to call mum as it would be reckless with my illness to go in and the nurses have confirmed the same.

Don't brook any arguments, tell them what you are going to do and that's it. Easier said than done I know. But stand firm, you're doing all that you can and you are fab for doing that. Ignore the bossy boots.

Show quote history

In this situation I would block them after - then your controlling what you read and when

YourFairCyanReader · 13/12/2025 23:18

Apart from the infection risk, you are poorly. You should take care of yourself and rest, it's ok to do that for a few days.

Bamfram · 13/12/2025 23:23

Your sisters are morons.
Don't go near the hospital while unwell.
One is a nurse? God help us. Idiot.

2Rebecca · 13/12/2025 23:27

Don’t go and tell your sisters to stop trying to organise your life. Your mum will need rest. Visiting hours are designed so people have some flexibility when they visit. Someone being there all the time is just silly. Infectious people should keep well away

WearyAuldWumman · 13/12/2025 23:29

No. Not unreasonable. Don't take germs into the hospital.

I was an only child. When Mum was in with a cracked pelvis, I was told by the charge nurse to stay away, after I phoned in to say that I had shingles.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/12/2025 23:33

You are poorly and infectious. You should not be setting foot inside a hospital unless you need treatment.
I am sure I have read that whilst elderly people recover well from a broken hip, it's an infection that develops into pneumonia that gets them. If so, your sister who is a nurse needs a kick up the backside.
Do what you need to do for your mother, bugger your sisters - they sound like a pair of toxic brats.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 13/12/2025 23:34

The hospital i work for have signs all over asking for relatives NOT to visit when unwell. It’s a very valid reason not to visit a ward full of already sick/frail/recovering people.

There is so many viruses going round atm please don’t go or be guilt tripped. She will be fine. My dad was in recently none of us could be there for more han a couple of hours a day. There was one day when no one went. He was fine. He was as getting his treatment and getting better.

Original poster
lisa12000 · 14/12/2025 01:16

Thank you everyone for your replies. I hoped and sort of thought I would get them, but there was just that little part lf my brain that kept wondering if I was the one in the wrong!

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 14/12/2025 01:26

Don't take flu into a hospital with vulnerable people

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