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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that people should have moved so I could get on the bus with a pram, grrrrr

175 replies

HappyNewYearFeet06 · 10/06/2008 16:23

Sorry to rant but it annoyed me and I let them know.

The bus turned up and I had been waiting patiently. However the bus stopped further down from where it usually does so people who had only just turned up at the bus stop got on before me. Anyway, I showed my ticket and got on but there were people sitting in the 2 spaces that are there for wheelchair/prams. There were plenty of seats nearer to the back of the bus but they wouldn't budge. The driver asked if I could fold the pram. I couldn't, its huge and I had baby and shopping too so it would have been impossible unless I had suddenly sprouted 20 arms!.

The driver and another gentleman suggested people move but they just ignored them. So I ranted out loud about rude people and had to get off of the bus again. I had to get a taxi home as another bus is an age away. The taxi cost £8.20 and I already had bought a return for the bus.

Grrrr, sorry gabbled on but it annoyed me.

AIBU to be annoyed?? Should I send a ranting letter to the bus company or the local newspaper ranting about laxy arsed people that can't move to the back of the bus. (Sorry, hot and bothered!)

OP posts:
1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:35

salsmum I said 'almost certainly' I felt confident in saying that since I do more then most people I am aware of/know/read about if you are indeed scherazade goldsmith then maybe I'm wrong

Obv. yes I do know not all disabled get DLA I would have thought most in a wheelchair are eligable (of couse being eligable does not =get)

No telling me a bit about your family doesn't mean I know you.

Your b) is contrary to my experience but I am in London and maybe you aren't.

I am not aware of referring to anyone with a disability in a derogatory (?sp) fashion I would consider that out of character and would be grateful if you can point that out to me then I can learn from that (ignoring typos of course)

2shoes · 14/06/2008 22:40

By 2shoes on Fri 13-Jun-08 11:19:02
!By 1dilemma on Thu 12-Jun-08 20:47:08
no edam the places are for wheelchairs and pushchairs that's what it says in the buses I catch anyway.

Bottom line is I was there first she (hypothetical) would be shoving me out of the way.
If the bus is full I have to wait for the next should be the same for wheelchairs, who incidentally also have the option of catching a cab or using their motability car or pushing the little lever and using the battery or calling one of the massive numbers of community transport vehicles (adapted) crawling the streets, wasting petrol and destroying the atmosphere.
I do not have the option of walking I can only catch 1 bus after leaving work in order to get to afterschool club on time.

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:47

That's not derogatory (well slightly about vehicles)

mom2ava · 14/06/2008 22:47

I just hate rude people.

Last time I took a bus when I was 39 weeks pregnant and the bus was full. Did anyone get up off their rear eand and offer me a seat - they did not. Eventually I ended up asking this man if he wouldn't mind giving me his seat, and he said, 'what happened to feminism...'

And I said, what happened to manners.....

He got up.

Jerk.

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:49

It's not even derogatory about vehicles you might guess I'm not a major fan of 4x4s and try not to use petrol powered transport when I can but that's about all. You might also summise I care about the environment too I suppose

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:49

lol mom2ava

2shoes · 14/06/2008 22:51

so you say that people in W/C should use their motarbility van or get a taxi rather than the bus. how the hell does that help the enviroment???

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:57

I don't actually think that some people can do as much as others for the environment which is why I think that those who can should try to do what they can.

I'm not so daft as to suggest turning of someones ventilator to cut carbon.

(In fact one of the reasons I am so concerned re planet is so that there is something for when we really need it, I literally got in to {an admittedly short lived} almost physical panic the other day about lack of anaesthetics/high tech hospital care in the future)

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 22:58

taxis still do a fair bit of cruising round here anyway, I'm wondering when the price of petrol will cut that down (looks more likely it will be lack of petrol now)

2shoes · 14/06/2008 23:03

well I don't take dd on the bus. so one less wheelchair to worry about.
no way is she going to be treated like shit by people who see her as bing in their way. and buses imo are dangerous for wheel chairs. so I will continue to pollute the world.

salsmum · 14/06/2008 23:42

HIGH 5 2shoes, OOOH my God I've just realised my daughter has heavy Duty cell batteries in her Electric w/chair I dont think I'll be able to sleep tonight if they are not bio-degradable .
1Dilemma you go into a panic about high tech Hospital care in the future? When you have a child who has been in and out of Hospitals for the last 19 years you know at base level what a shit sorry state the NHS is in I have panic attacks about weather I have a decent chair to sleep in next to my sick child..thats a reality check!!

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 23:45

salsmum yet again you demonstrate that you don't know me

1dilemma · 14/06/2008 23:46

why would you think I would panic about such a thing, could it just be because I might need to?

handlemecarefully · 15/06/2008 00:03

I think you should all move out of London - job done . Seriously though, present company excepted, it sounds like London is populated with the rudest people on the planet!

...and HappyNewYearFeet06- sympathies, it's always depressing when faced with the rankness of human meaness (antithesis to the milk of human kindness, lest you were wondering)

2shoes · 15/06/2008 09:49

salsmum oh yes the lack of chairs. ds is having an op soon and I am praying I don't have to stay in with him,
1dilemma you have made your feelings clear. so I think you have to accept that people might find them a bit weird.

NineYearsOfNappies · 15/06/2008 17:31

Can't use taxis with my dd - her wheelchair is too large (it does fit in the spot in buses though). Additionally, bus fare into town is £3.60. Taxi £15. Oh - and bus fare for a physically disabled adult with a pass - nil.

Can't use community transport as it's a) only for adults and b) only allows for a maximum of 1 person accompanying the disabled person - what am I supposed to do with siblings? Even if we could use it, it needs to be booked several days in advance and only operates 1 day a week here. Buses run every 10 minutes.

Can't use hospital transport as same problem with siblings plus they insist on person being ready any time from 8AM onwards even if appt not until 2PM, and then can't guarantee a return until 6PM. Buses to hospital run every 30 minutes.

Motability is not the same as Mobility Allowance. You can't get motability funding unless you have mobility allowance, can't get mobility allowance until age 3 (dd was in a proper big wheelchair from age 1, couldn't use a folding buggy or pram ever.

Motability does not automatically provide a free car for everyone. There are a few wheelchair accessible vehicles (WAVs) which may be provided without any kind of downpayment on the scheme but they are small and don't have space for carseats for siblings. Motability won't provide a vehicle (side note- it is NOT a free car, no matter what Joe Public seems to think) if there is only a short time left to run on the mobility allowance award (nor is it automatic that an individual who needs a wheelchair will get mobility allowance. Some people get it indefinitely or until the age of 16, others have to keep on renewing it every few years or so. Can't get a motability vehicle very easily if you keep having to renew.

Assuming you do somehow get your hands on an adequate adapted vehicle (and we're lucky, we do have one, it's a minibus. Ridiculous for a family of 3), then you've either got loans to repay on it or you've saved up huge amounts for it. Mine cost £10K several years old, most basic model, several years ago; if dd had not been disabled then we would have managed absolutely fine with a more basic small family car - the Micra I had for years before she arrived would still be doing us just fine. Trust me; the allowance does not come close to covering that cost!

Sure, I could drive that everywhere instead of catching the bus but parking in the city centre is obscenely expensive (yes, blue badge holders still have to pay round here). And I don't want to drive a minibus around everywhere we go - we use it for trips to the hospitals which don't have easy bus access, for rescue trips (I'm not waiting for a bus when dd is having constant fits), for days out (can't ride a bus carrying all the equipment we need for a full day out) and for holidays (definitely can't ride a bus with wheelchair, toilet chair, sleep system (think folding bed), adult sized nappies, enough drugs to stock a pharmacy, etc.

Buses were made accessible for wheelchair users. Policy here is that wheelchairs have priority. If no wheelchair then buggy/pram may use the space (only one space per bus here). But if there's a wheelchair user waiting at the next stop then the person with the buggy must be asked to fold it.

I've usually found people to be way beyond helpful. Bus drivers are occasionally reluctant to let down their ramps, and if I can bump dd up the gap I will. Not possible with a powerchair though. Most people will move out of the space as soon as they see us waiting for it. And if there are other buggies waiting in the bus queue then of course we'll gladly hold babies or shopping to help fold the buggies. I've only once had someone refuse to fold their pram for us - and the other passengers on the bus actually put in an official complaint on our behalf!

sarah293 · 16/06/2008 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

madmuggle · 16/06/2008 09:35

"Why should I wait another hour just because someone else is lazy. The space is clearly marked 'wheelchair'."

You shouldn't, bus drivers should have more balls and tell buggy/pram users to fold up or fuck off.

WigWamsSwapper · 16/06/2008 10:19

riven and nine years i totally agree and on our buses there are 6 buggy spaces but 2 of them are marked specifically for wheelchair users so there can't be any arguing over it but i understand on some buses it just says for wheelchair and pushchair users or something similar and some selfish people would probably say but it says it is for both and i was here first. imo the buses need to have one space specifically for a wheelchair and put a sign up saying so.

sarah293 · 16/06/2008 13:48

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Message withdrawn

madmuggle · 16/06/2008 13:54

Wheelchair spots around my area have signs saying that the spots are for wheelchairs, and that if one wishes to board any buggies and so forth must vacate the area. The problem is that the drivers are frequently uninterested in doing part of their job.

One bus company in the area is actively trying to ban larger pushchairs. I disagree with the ban, as I suspect they'll not ban shopping trolleys and whatnot which are also not foldable.

sarah293 · 16/06/2008 13:58

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Message withdrawn

evenhope · 16/06/2008 14:09

Well the buses here are called "Buggy Buses". It is painted on the side with a picture of a mum with a pushchair.

With these sort of experiences and attitudes is it any wonder that those of us with cars don't use the bus?!

I used to get the park and ride to work and I hated it. The one in wasn't too bad but the one home was always packed and I often saw old people sat in the fold down seats refusing to move for pushchairs. Every time the mother just struggled and the old people ignored her.

I get panic attacks on buses if I can't sit near the door. They are made worse if I sit on a normal bus seat next to the window and someone sits next to me so I can't get out without them moving. Sounds pathetic but I can't help it. So I like to sit in the front part of the bus. Of course the front part is now almost 100% restricted seating. I would always move for a wheelchair or buggy. I'm sure it would never occur to someone that there could be a reason other than laziness or arsiness that somebody might be sitting there.

Funnily enough I was on a packed P&R bus in Cambridge feeling very panicky and DS2 gave up his seat next to me for a lady my age who said she wasn't feeling well. We got chatting and turned out she also got panic attacks on buses, same as me. Perhaps there are others?

wannaBe · 16/06/2008 14:24

I think that buggies should always move for wheelchairs. After all the child is in a buggy because it?s convenient, child can be removed and buggy can be folded. However person is in a wheelchair because they have no choice in the matter. If they could get out and fold their wheelchair they wouldn?t need to be in one in the first place would they?

I usually sit in that seat, because it?s easier to have my dog there without having to shove hi under seat in front. But I will always move if buggy gets on, but have moved in the past and someone without a buggy has jumped in before the person with buggy can get on. That?s just rude imo.

However, I don?t think that having a disability means you can talk to people however the hell you want without consequence. The woman referred to in Kimmy?s posts sounds extremely objectionable, and the fact she was in a wheelchair does not excuse such behaviour. Some people with disabilities have a hard enough time as it is, without people like her who clearly have a chip on their shoulder making it worse by putting the public?s backs up with their ?I have a disability and therefore I can say what I want to whoever I want because the world owes me a favour? attitudes. Fortunately people like her are in the minority, but they do exist. And in a society where people don?t tend to have much to do with disability unless they are directly affected by it, if someone like that is your only experience of someone with a disability, then it is not going to endear you to them is it?

There is a well-known blind woman who travels the underground. So well-known in fact that she has been written about in metro and other similar publications. Her response to people when they offer her a seat is, ?fuck off. It?s my fucking eyes that don?t work, not my fucking legs.? I think someone might be forgiven for being reluctant to offer another blind prson assistance n the future for fear of a similar response.. It?s perfectly find to put one?s point across, but there are ways of doing so, and that applies to everyone, disabled or otherwise.

1dilemma ?If the bus is full I have to wait for the next should be the same for wheelchairs, who incidentally also have the option of catching a cab? you also have the option of catching a cab though? ?I do not have the option of walking I can only catch 1 bus after leaving work in order to get to afterschool club on time.? And how do you kno the wheelchair user isn?t in the same position? How do you know that she isn?t just leaving work in order to get to school to pick up her child? Wheelchair user doesn?t equal jobless and childless you know, disabled people do lead as normal lives as non disabled ones.

PeachyWontLieToYou · 16/06/2008 15:46

I hope they don't manage to ban larer buggie rom buses, I used to catvh the bus daily with a larger tandem buggy (because in that day there were no phil & teds types and my oldest were close in age). I ciuldn't use the car as dh worked 50 miles in opposite direction from where I did. Slings weren't an optioopn as Mum couldnt use one and she'd colec the boys at the bus stop to care for them whilst I worked (Mum has mob. issues due to pelvis damage).

More than once I had to walk the 7 miles home in December along a no-path A road in winter because it wasn't a buggy bus that nigfht and the tandem didnt fold (it was a gift, we were broke, couldnt affoed different model)

I cant imagine anyone able would refuse to fold a buggy (obv. I restrict my acquaintances to nice people) for a wheelhair, but sometimes its a whole bus responsibilty- if somewone can help mum by holding baby / siblings for2 minutes it becomes far more do-able, esp. if its tw9ns or small age gap kids.

Ah you ypoungsters don't know how lucky you are with your phil & teds and umbrella fold slings with super organic lentil-ness

seriously, if someone uses the bus a lot then a suitable buggy is a must- VS's car seat sounds far better imo than umbtrella fold as she can pop baby down in it whilst folding- but events happen and cars break down or need MOT's when someone has to get about, and so you mustn't always judge mum on the bus with a big buggy, it could be a once off very easily.

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